A Case of Mistaken Identity

I'll admit it, it's kind of fun not being recognized! (Cue the James Bond Intro music...)

Never in my wildest dreams did I think this weight loss journey would ever put me in the position of nonrecognition; to the point of people not knowing who I am when I say hello (even if it's been a while since I've last saw them but known them for years), or people looking at pictures on my desk wondering who's that girl with the cap, gown, and flowers on a graduation day?

"Awww, is that your sister?"

I can't help but giggle and wonder if they're really doing it because they honestly have no idea, and do I really look that different?! Hmmmmm.....

In about the past month or so, I've had a few cases of mistaken identity that still make me smile every time I think of them. The first happened instance happen just around a month or so ago, when I agreed to make a Maidrite run for my husband and I's dinner. (The Maidrite "place" is local sandwich shop just across the stateline into Ohio. It's kind of a local legendary hangout of sorts, and it's nothing short of delicious-goodness!) I walked in, recognized a couple sitting off to my right as I ordered, said hi, asked how they're doing, etc. You know the drill. This couple also happened to be the parents of my best friend I used to hang out with in high school and college. They know my husband as well, so of course when I mentioned that my hubby had seen one of them last week, that could've been a dead giveaway, but I guess not? After asking them how they were, how's their family, etc., I placed my order for Maidrites and waited to get my bag to go. On my way out, they stopped me and asked, "You are Ashley, correct? To which I replied, "Yessssss.....?" (With an odd stare...) "Oh, I thought you were Jill's daughter, but we didn't recognize you! How much have you lost; you look great!"

Crickets...

I see myself in the mirror everyday so of course I haven't really "witnessed the change," per se. I've never had that moment of realization where I think to myself, "Wow! I look so different! I really have changed!" It's always been me in the mirror, and that I guess the weight loss has been slow enought (yet not really) that I haven't had that moment. I never realized how big I was, or how much I've shed until I see old pictures versus new pictures. My husband tells me he sees the difference, however when I was bigger, he didn't see that in me; it didn't make who I was. (Does that make sense? Sometimes I wonder if it's just the obligatory husband comment...)

The second instance actually happened today. I had a coworker stop by my desk to ask a few questions regarding some work, and he noticed my framed picture from college graduation in 2008 on the corner of my desk. He absolutely couldn't believe it was me, asking if it were my sister. I only have one sibling: a twin brother, and he absolutely couldn't wrap his head around the idea that it really was me! It actually made me feel pretty good!

As I stated prior, I really have no "recollection" of the weight coming off. I mean, I do see it in comparative pictures; before vs. now. I see the loose skin, I know my face is definitely skinnier, (No double chins, yeah!) but I had no idea I would look so different. Many who lose weight still resemble themselves, however I guess I don't from what those around me say. But it's okay! I'm cool with it! It really does make me feel great about myself: that all of this hard work (the good, bad, and ugly), the "rabbit food," the weeks I didn't budge an inch on the scale, and the weeks that I lost 2-3 lbs, it really does make it all worth it!

So I'll embrace this change of course, and reintroduce myself if the need arises. Yes, I'm still the same Ashley you've known all along, just a 92 lb loser. (Wait a minute...) ;)


“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” ― Confucius

A Small Craving Victory

Where I work, we have a small frozen custard/food shop in our lounge. It's literally right across the hall from the office, and during some days, it's a wreck for me. I, however, had a small NSV (non-scale victory), one that really helped with my confidence this past week.

Unfortunately for me, I've always been the girl who if you sit a cookie or piece of cake down in front of me, I'll eat it. I'll count it, but I'll eat it. Who cares about dinner, right? (Wrong!) I always joke if I get caught for something (I won't though), the most effective form of torture used on me would include sitting a crap-ton of baked sweets in front of me and say, "Don't touch." I would crack within 5 seconds, no joke.

Soooooo, this past week the custard shop decided to pass out free scoops in the afternoon, just about the time I start to get hungry. Of course, RIGHT?! That dreaded 2:30pm window...

Choices included buttered almond, butterscotch, vanilla, or chocolate. Now this shop normally has lite/sugar free vanilla, which I opt for as a better option. Unfortunately, it wasn't offered up this time. As coworkers filed in with their free scoops, I held strong!

And I completely shocked myself!

For me, this journey has had baby steps, one day at a time. I didn't get here overnight, but through these small battles, I've been able to be successful so far. Will I ever be able to eat healthy without counting? I'm not sure, but I hope one day I can make small, smart choices that help me get there.

Because my weight didn't go on overnight, it's not coming off overnight either. But I only 8.4 to go! :)

"Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible to the visible." -Tony Robbins

A Month of Madness

July will be crazy. I can already sense it.

I've recently decided once school is finished in May (at least for the semester), I will start training for a 5k. The Color Run was something some friends wanted me to do last year, however I was in no shape to run. I'm still not.

A little about me...I'm kind of all or nothing. If I set out to do something, I set out to do it and do it well. (Rose colored glasses...)

If I'm doing this 5k, I'm running the whole thing, so as of the week after final exams, I will start a Couch to 5k program, lasting about 9 weeks (I think running 3-4 times a week). The Color Run Indy is July 20.

In the K household, July is usually a notably killer month. My better half is usually gone from sun up to sun down, as July is a huge straw-bailing month in Indiana. He goes to work during the day and goes straight to his co-worker/friend's house or whatever field they're in at the time, to assist the family post-wheat harvest. I joke that I turn into a farm-widow during the month. I'm lucky if he's done bailing by my birthday, some years. I also have tickets to a HUGE race the week after the 5k at Eldora Speedway. Being motorsports-obsessed, it's the must-attend race of the Truck Series this season, in my opinion, and we have tickets! :) Add in fair season, it's just going to be craaaaaaazzzzzzy.

Anyway, until this morning I had planned to train for both the 5k, and a local "ride" sponsored by one of the area hospitals. It's a 22-miler, and I've only rode as much as 11 1/2 in one sitting, so training is definitely needed. The only issue is I'm a dork. I totally didn't realize both the run and ride were on the same day, as I thought that they were a week apart, so I'm choosing to train for the run. (I've only been saying next year, next year, next year for the past 3 years with this ride. UGH!)

Unfortunately, I have a feeling this training will be a nightmare for me. I'm just not a runner, never really have been. I want to like running, love it even. I see the benefits of running, of being able to just go out and pound the pavement, and let stress slip away.

This will also give me the tools to hopefully start training for the Mini Marathon in Indy that sits on my bucket list. All 13ish miles of it! Someday for sure...

But baby steps, Ash. (I have to remember to be patient.) There will be good days with the bad, but I'm a pretty determined person. I want to run the entire 5k!

Check back after the first of May. I'll try to blog progress with the Couch to 5k program, leading up to the actual event, July 20!

A new milestone...

This is a quick post, as I'm SUPER pumped...

I AM 90 LBS DOWN!!! (Woooo! Sorry for the All-Caps-type scream...)

Since I wasn't exactly with it at 6 am, after a night of little sleep and a ton of stress, I stepped on the scale twice. Why? 1) I couldn't believe it, and 2) you know I had to take a picture!!

I haven't been in the 150's since probably my 8th grade or Freshman year in high school, but more importantly, I have 9.4 to go to my healthy weight range!

It may have taken 3 years to get here, but the hare didn't win the race.

Attempting New Tastes

I'll be honest: I get super nervous when trying new things, especially when it comes to different types of cuisine. If it doesn't have a menu or nutrition information posted online to where I can research, I get super nervous. I'm still not at the stage yet in my weightloss journey where I can trust myself. (It's why I try to avoid buffets altogether. Just a bad idea for me. Period.)

A year or so ago, a new Thai restaurant opened on the north side of town where I work. Most everything yummy/healthy/tasty is located on the east side, so it's a little rough to get to in just one lunch hour, while things on the north side are usually just limited to a few restaurants, plus fast food. (We do have Subway though; it's a lifesaver if I forget to pack lunch!)

In a previous post, I mentioned last week, a friend/coworker of mine and I attempted to go to the new-ish Thai restaurant, however it being Good Friday, they appeared closed. Since I've never had Thai food, I slightly breathed a sigh of relief, especially since I hadn't done my homework at that point. I was going in blind! I've never had Thai food before, so with this new experience, I'm nervous.

I'm nervous I'll make a caloric mistake; choose something because I don't know what it is or what's in it, and I'll have a major weightloss setback. I know it's just lunch, it's one meal, no biggie, but to me it kind of is. I'm fearful of a trickle-down/domino effect.

Another issue I have is that there is no menu posted. Again, going in blind. I can't scope out good vs. bad before I go. It does seem really stupid to be so nervous, however I'm also fearful I won't be able to really enjoy it because I'm too busy worrying about counting what I eat.

So, here goes nothing... I'm always up for new experiences, but again, if I can't research it, or know some sort of what I'm getting into, I freak. It's just my nature. But I'm still giving it a shot... :)

Upcoming Goals: A New Adventure

I guess you could say I'm goal-oriented. I love having a target, something to fight for; something that makes me feel great to either complete or achieve. I truly believe it's why I've held on for so long with my weightloss journey, setting a new goal each time I reach another. I've kept pushing through, whether the good, bad, or ugly. I'm a fighter when it's something I'm passionate for.

If you happen to follow me on Twitter, you may notice that I'm a huge sports fan, notably any form of racing (as long as it has an engine, wheels, and it's raced). I'm also a fan of baseball, football, and some basketball, but my second love is hockey. Living in Indiana though, it's not exactly popular. We are the racing/basketball state, after all.

Hockey is something that is sort of new to me. I watched a bit of it back in high school of the Nashville Predators, but never really got heavily into it until a few years ago. I tended to focus more on what was going on on a track, rather than on ice while in high school and college. In my re-discovered love for the sport, I've taken to the Washington Capitals. I'm a fan of a certain player (that you'll notice my love for on Twitter too...), I love the team, I think it's a great organization. I'm definitely a fan! I even hope some day to travel to D.C. or Pittsburgh to see them play. But when it comes to the sport, I don't exactly know enough to hold my own in a conversation. Well, enough to get me in trouble. I try. Usually I just sound stupid, but I try, however I enjoy sitting back and listening to others talk about it. Kind of absorb in the background, if you will.

Since being in Indiana, and hockey not exactly being a favorite among Hoosiers, I've sought out local-ish teams to get my fill of live games. Where I live, however, it's The Sticks. BFE. Podunk. Naturally, I have to travel at least an hour to get to the nearest rink, if it's not cold enough for a frozen pond in the Winter. It's kind of fun though, weather dependent, because I can support local-ish teams or organizations. This past season, my husband and I have gone to Dayton, Oxford (for Miami!), and Indianapolis for games, all being super fun! Live hockey is the best hockey, in my opinion.

In traveling to these games, and getting my fill of live hockey (though it's never enough), I've kind of felt like I want to learn how to skate, how to play the game, whenever I leave an arena. It'd give me a MUCH better understanding than where I am now, and with dropping weight that I have, I can move about easier, while toning and eventually becoming somewhat "athletic." (In theory.) Skating and playing hockey can be an amazing workout! (I smelled the boys on the bench in Indy, my seats were that close. They. Sweat.)

In researching where I can take lessons, the usuals crop up: Indy, Oxford, maybe Fort Wayne. All have fantastic programs from what I can tell, however summer isn't exactly hockey season, not in Indiana anyway. They do have leagues for those who do skate or play, but usually beginner lessons are offered in the winter (duh), however with my school schedule, I'm searching for something during my break and/or on Saturdays, due to work and having to travel so far.

So that's my goal this summer: I want to learn to skate! I've skated before, however not gracefully, but with practice and determination, anything can be achieved.

I'll keep you posted!

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Kind Words

It’s been 3 whole years(ish) since I began my Weightloss Journey.

Hang on, I’m trying to let that sink in for a sec…

I really wish I would have circled or memorized the day I started my journey, something like my re-birthday. As of this morning, I’m still 89 pounds down; didn’t gain, didn’t lose this week, but I maintained. I can’t complain because, after putting it into perspective, I’ve lost basically an 11 year old child, or practically nine 10lb bags of potatoes! Imagine trying to carry that around the grocery store. I’m breaking a sweat just thinking about it!

Looking back, I’ve had days, even this week, where I feel so bad about what I eat. I’m not perfect. I can’t say that I have been during this whole journey. The first thing I learned is that moderation is key, not deprivation, because as I’ve mentioned before, you’ll drive yourself crazy completely eliminating things you love. You can’t go to a child’s birthday party without a little cake and ice cream (just don’t eat the whole cake)! That brings me to this past week.

During my trip to Toronto this past summer, I was introduced by a friend to the glorious Pulled Pork BBQ Nachos of RealSports. (My absolute favorite sports bar. Ever. If you go to Toronto, it’s a must-visit, especially on game days.) Since RealSports is only in Canada, I can’t exactly drop everything and drive 8 hours just to chow down, though I seriously wish I could! Ever since I pigged out, I can honestly say I have cravings for it. Flash-forward to this past week, a friend and coworker decided we should go get some Thai food at a new-ish restaurant down the street, however it being Good Friday, they were closed. I casually mentioned a fabulous, local BBQ joint in the historic district, and she immediately said nachos.

Oh, sheesh. Here we go.

I ate the whole thing. I counted it, but I ate the…whole…thing. UGH!

To say I had guilt or was frustrated after eating the…whole…thing, was a complete understatement and I honestly hated myself for it. The feeling wasn’t good. And I have days like this quite often. It’s something I’m working on, especially if I “cheat” and not track everything I eat.

This summer, I have a new goal I want to work on: being more positive about myself, and where I’ve come from in this journey. It really hasn’t been as easy as it looks, I promise you that. I have days where I still just feel absolutely horrible about what I’ve ate, or about myself in general, but I also have days where I feel great.

But there are those days when someone else makes you feel really good, too. I’ve had several people around me, either friends, family, or in the community that see my change and tell me about how I’ve inspired them to lose weight, or eat healthier than they have before. It’s extremely humbling to me because it’s not what I set out to do. It still blows me away every time someone mentions how I’ve inspired them. I never thought what I did or have done would inspire someone; I just wanted to get healthy. I never imagined in a million years I would inspire someone to make that change. It really makes me feel special, and it certainly makes those hard days feel so much more worth it!

Recently, the same coworker who went with me to the BBQ joint, shared some really kind and inspiring words to me, words that I can’t say rattled me. Well…actually they did, just in a really good way.

Though some of the conversation I won’t share, overall she mentioned that she really admired me for not changing in this weightloss journey; that even though I’ve lost so much weight, got “skinny” (in her words), it hasn’t changed who I am. I’m still deeply in love with my husband, still outgoing (I never really thought I was to begin with), and that I’m inspiring people for good, not vain or negative reasons. That REALLY meant a lot to me. But I’m still lil’ ol’ Ashley, just a few pounds lighter. I’m me, just a little bit of a healthier version. I never intended to set out for this to change who I am.

So thank you, friend. It really did mean so much more to me than I probably let on, but I really, really did need to hear that. Negativity can take over so much faster and impact someone much more than positivity, unfortunately. That being said, that’s a new goal for this summer.

Positive thoughts ONLY from here on out!

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.”

-Mother Teresa