Working For the Weekend

Ok, well slacking for the weekend. (Everyone sing a long!) ;)

Weekends are the pits for me. I recently changed my weigh in day to Wednesday because Monday's just never seemed to work out too well. That was probably a bad idea on my part, but I feel that Monday's weren't a great "fit" for me (no pun intended, or maybe?).

Today was no different. I work at a local community college, and every year they have a car show that is usually pretty successful, raising money for automotive program scholarships. (This year however, let's just say I'm still soaked to the bone and cold. It'll be a miracle if I'm not side-lined by Tuesday with pneumonia.)

I love concession stands. From fair food, a racetrack, or car show; from nachos to pretzels, cheeseburgers to candy bars, I'm all for it. It's not just all for my hips, belly, or thighs.

Today was no different. My morning started out with a team meeting of volunteers and the show committee across the street from campus at McDonald's. I grabbed an unsweet tea and sausage biscuit (430 calories total), and thought, I can do this. I CAN do this! Then the hot chocolate came and since I used half of my calories for the day, it was all downhill from there. After that, it's award-winning pulled pork, potato salad, cookie, popcorn, more popcorn, and dinner at a fast food restaurant. Yeah, I did it. I BLEW IT!

Part of my problem is if I see that I've used the majority of my calories or points for the day, I just say screw it. I'll start over tomorrow, but that's not a "healthy" way to think. It's downright awful and irresponsible of me. I allow it to happen way too often.

I know many say that we only have one life to live so why not have that cookie or slice of pie? I'm not gonna lie, I LOVE this rule! My great aunt, (my ornery grandfather's sister; you get the picture, orneriness is hereditary), always believes that every meal ends with a dessert. Let's just say she's my favorite aunt, and this is part of the equation... :)

But being the realistic one, everything is ok.... IN MODERATION!!! That's what I've learned, but with me, moderation is not fully in my vocabulary yet. That's where a lot of my issues lie with my Weight Loss Journey that I need to better focus on. But I firmly believe learning and education is a life long process, one that with both my weight loss and a more active life style, I can live out for a while. :)

“If you're respectful by habit,
constantly honoring the worthy,
four things increase:
long life, beauty,
happiness, strength.”

-Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

Looking Back

I'm having one of those "fat moments" this very minute. A vulnerable moment when no matter what you do or don't eat, you feel like a swollen whale. It's an esteem killer.

I'll be honest: I feel so disgusted with myself, what I look like, and all I've wanted to do was get back on track. I feel like I've failed.

This week's diet hasn't been on track. Far from it, really. I've been under quite a bit of stress this week: it's been incredibly busy and hectic, and with that, I eat; I eat a lot. Last night I rode 8 miles, but only after consuming a Rallyburger and fries because I was so stressed. They rang my order up without fries last night, and I recall specifically saying please give me fries, I need it. I rode last night because I felt I needed beating myself up and sort of punish myself for what I ate. I felt so guilty and I still do today. It's a huge  moment of weakness.

So with that, I'm going to leave a gem of hope. A picture of my before, and middle of my weight loss journey. The mere weeks before I plateaued. Maybe it will help me find the motivation to buckle down again.

After all, I'm letting myself down. I'm failing at my goals.