I'm Always Up For A Challenge

The holidays can be hard for someone like me; someone who watches their diet constantly, or tracks what they can. I have to. Because if I don't, the feast is on. I'm not saying I don't vary or "cheat" sometimes (though lately it's been all the time...), and I've been a bit of an anxious mess the past few days due to the amount of food I may or may not consume tomorrow. I'm going to try to track, but two meals at two different family get-togethers? Who am I kidding?!

I still haven't been brave enough to try to work out, adding in some form of daily activity, for fear of royally screwing up my knee pre-surgery (for seven weeks). But what I can control is my diet, and lately, that's not been too pretty. I'm trying to focus more on clean(er) eating, less sugar, the whole nine yards, but it's been difficult.

Timing is everything, and with December around the corner, I had thrown the idea around of attempting #NoChocolatesDecember again, however I couldn't tear into that KitKat bar fast enough on January 1, 2013. And I like chocolate. A lot. (...and I wouldn't suggest No Chocolates December again during the Christmas season if my life depended on it.) :)

When I say timing is everything, I pulled up Instagram a few afternoons ago, and noticed Brooke over at brookenotonadiet.com is gearing up for another round of #SkinnySnoman starting December 1. I didn't do it last year, but looking over how points are awarded, I need this right now!

PERFECT TIMING, Brooke!

You can check everything out over at her website, selecting the Skinny Snowman Challenge tab at the top of the page.

Apparently there is a grand prize too? I'll behave if I'm trying to win something. I'm highly competitive ;)

So what is the Skinny Snowman Challenge you ask?

Focusing on losing or maintaining weight, the challenge awards points for choosing a healthier lifestyle, including but not limited to things like drinking 64 oz. of water daily, eating three servings of fruits and three servings of vegetables daily, Meatless Monday (which I'm super excited to try), tracking what you consume, and adding in 30 minutes of exercise or activity daily. But what appears to be my early favorite, having nothing to do with food but everything to do with motivation, you can earn points for writing down five positives about your day. NO NEGATIVES. (Which I desperately need.)

For each item you complete daily, you earn points, and at the end, whoever has the most over a month-ish's time, wins a grand prize! Each week has a max of 450 points, with a max of 50 points over the month's time (so you don't kill yourself or exercise to death).

I love everything about this challenge, and like I said, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Items earning points are something I mostly do on a daily basis anyway, however I want to be able to add exercise in again. I'm a little nervous I'll be behind the game with it, as I'm having the ever-fun knee surgery next week. It will come with time though.

I will try to update at the end of each week my points results, how well I did, what I want to work on, etc.

In the meantime, if you're interest, go sign up! It's super easy, and what have you got to lose? (Except for maybe a few pounds?)

My Happy Place

First of all, I hate it when I'm driving to work, thinking about the PERFECT blog post, even what it wants to say, sounds good in my mind, then sit down to actually write it and totally forget. That's me, folks.

I'm almost finished with this semester with the holidays fast-approach. (Can we get an amen?!) It's been a trying one; one I didn't think would really be that bad in the beginning. The course that I thought would totally suck doesn't (I'm carrying a 99%...for now...), and the class that I didn't think would suck (and it doesn't) but would be super-fun, has been my most trying. It's the course that focuses on what I want to do when I grow up, just in the business sense, not sports. But even with it being my most challenging, it's pushed me. I love the professor, and the class has been great, but it has honestly stressed me out to no end. (Which means I eat everything in sight. I'm a stress-eater AND a study-eater, so it's rough.)

Anyway, I'm getting off topic (per usual).

Happy Gilmore is still a movie that makes me laugh every time I watch it, one that never gets old. And last night during a thought process while chatting with a classmate who runs halfs (he's been running since high school; we discovered we have running in common, then the typical running conversation ensued). But during this conversation, I used the completely cheesy, "I've found my Happy Place," line, referencing Happy, to kind of describe my end result of (at least) where I'm at now from start to current.

(Ok, you can stop giggling now. It really is cheesy, I know.)

But I think I'm finally there. Or at least as happy as I've been for a while.

The last few posts I've made haven't been very positive, but I haven't been feeling very positive. It's ups and downs, and it's daily at times, however even with the downs with the ups, I still try to reflect on the journey as a whole, not just the day-in, day-out focus.

With the holidays approaching, I've also found myself reflecting on the past year quite a bit. It's been a huge change from January 1 until now. January 1, 2013 (just after midnight), I was fighting to open a Kit Kat chocolate bar after successfully completing No Chocolates December. (Who does that during Christmas?!) How I ever survived that, I'm still scratching my head. But I did. And it really boosted my confidence in my own personal will-power.

Weight loss journey-wise, I've dropped more pounds and inches, ultimately hitting my goal weight, and officially entering "maintenance." (One of the coolest me-to-me birthday presents I could ever give myself.)

 (This makes a three pound gain put into perspective. Fast. Down 31 since 11/22/2012.)

Professionally, I feel like I've been making strides, too. I got the promotion I had hoped for through my primary place of employment, and somehow found myself involved with an online radio show that mixes my two loves, racing and hockey, all through connections in Social Media. (Who knew?) But not only becoming involved with the show, I've become really good friends with the host/founder, as well as attended and reported on my first two events ever, one being at a track I consider the "Holy Grail." It's been nuts, but in a good way. I can honestly say I've been very blessed this year.

School has been school. I've had fits, but I've had triumphs, all the while eating garbage during late night study sessions. I still look at it as "feedback," and try to change for the next. But I still get hungry when I study. That won't change until I'm a graduate, but see the previous paragraph. I'm working towards my dreams, and I can't complain.

...and who would've thought I'd actually ever utter the words, "I love running!" I completed my first 5k before my scheduled 5k, which was all kinds of crazy all in itself. The training kept me disciplined and on plan, and I rapidly found a new love for something I've hated for 20-ish years. It served as such a great form of stress relief, and that I also found myself more at ease while able to eat that cookie or a "reward" without having to sweat it. (Well, I had to sweat FOR it.) And despite now having to face surgery most likely from pushing myself too hard, I'm really looking forward to the future, and what 2014 will hold. Recovery will suck, and yes, I'm may have to start Couch to 5k all over again just to make sure I don't injure myself further, but I'm already goal setting for 2014, running and fitness-wise. I have races on my mind, as well as potentially scratching a big one off of my bucket list. But, that's another post all in itself, one that I'm working on for later in December.

I found this quote the other day via Pinterest, and as a hockey fan, it seemed to sum up everything I've been thinking lately about regarding my future hopes, dreams, and goals:

Always, always have a goal, no matter how big or how small. It gives you something to work hard for. And the reward? The satisfaction of knowing you can do anything you put your mind to. :)


(And I'm saving the best for last: I can't thank Mr. K enough for all of the support he's given me throughout the year, and throughout the journey. He still may think I'm crazy and eating "hippie food," but I love him and he's never wavered his support of what makes me happy. I am truly grateful to have him in my life, and he will always be a main staple in my Happy Place.)

Confessing

I haven’t worked out in almost six weeks. Six freaking weeks…and I can’t stand it any longer.

Just remember, when I say no workout, I mean NOTHING. Not a thing. Hardly any activity and it’s really started to wear on me. This knee thing is a total buzzkill. And I’m a stressy-edgy-mentally-defeated mess; I won’t lie.

I’ve also lost all motivation. I’ve told myself I can’t do this anymore the past few weeks, but with school and other things going on, it’s been hard, and I still haven’t done anything.

Rewind to this weekend: cookies were in house. Cookies in my house are a bad, bad, bad thing. I’m kind of the person with my diet that if it’s out of sight, out of mind, I won’t eat it. I still struggle daily, but I’ve found meal pre-planning is one of the best things I’ve done, and learned how to better myself with during my weight loss journey. What’s even better? After two weeks, it became habit. When I’m tracking breakfast and packing my lunch to this day, dinner is entered ahead of time, (portions and all) and I stick to it. But with cookies in the house and me finding myself in holiday baking-marathon-stupors, crap is in my house. Sweets are in my house. And it’s not looking good.

Bottom line from this weekend? I gained three pounds.

I’m sure you’re asking, “Ash, you’ve lost 110. What the hell does three pounds matter?”

Well, the three pounds don’t. (Ok, who am I kidding? Yes, they do, and it pisses me off seeing the inflated number on the scale.) But I’m sure there is a bit of water weight included in those three pounds. I didn’t eat that many calories over my daily limit. It’s the non-activity.

I’m losing definition in my legs I saw with running consistently, my cardio for going up stairs sucks, and I just feel HUGE. Like, planet Earth, huge. 

Even after 110 pounds lost, I still have those days, but lately they’ve become all-to-frequent. I can’t escape them, but I can do something about them.

Since I am facing surgery, it’d probably be wise to start working out again, getting into the groove so that when I can move and can run again, that motivation is there, and it will be easy. At least I hope. (Duh, Ash. You should’ve thought about that weeks ago.) I’ve got less than three weeks until, and I’m losing ground each day I’m not doing something. I need to keep my leg muscles built to aid in rehab and therapy, which will also help me bounce back MUCH quicker. At least that’s the goal.

Since I haven’t done much, building the motivation and getting into the habit of working out regularly again will take a bit of grit, but I do have a plan! I’m not going to sit here and wallow in my misery while staring at fit people and plans on Pinterest when I could be up doing something. If I want to make a change for the better, I am the only one that can do that.

I’ve created a two-week on-paper journal of each day’s workout to pre-plan with. If it’s out there and already planned for, I tend to stick to it better, much like meal planning. I’ve got a few things I can do that are low impact and won’t affect my knee negatively pre-surgery. I can walk on the treadmill most days without pain, I just can’t run with impact. Also, yoga. I’ve wanted to stretch and become stronger, and Yoga is wonderful and virtually no impact. I’ve also looked into kettlebell or some weight training to tone, which I’ve wanted to do for a while anyway, but whatever I do, it’s got to be better than nothing. Nothing right now sucks!

So, starting Friday or Saturday, I will work to see what I can do to implement low-impact something into my regimen. It’s going to take work, but after two weeks, a new habit will form!

...and the verdict is?

Surgery. December 6. …and that’s okay! I’m actually a little more comfortable with the idea of surgery on my knee that at first thought, which surprises me. I actually think my husband is more concerned about it than I am. ;)

The doctor did a fabulous job explaining all that is to be done, why it’s going to be done, and what he will check for. (More on that later.) The doctor I’m seeing comes highly recommended not only by my chiropractor/referring doc, but family members who have also had surgery performed by him, which has helped with my comfort level. Everyone has said, “Oh, he’s great! You’ll like him!” And so far, I do. 

Going in to the appointment, I was certainly nervous as I really didn’t know what to expect. (I was also a little more than irritated as I didn’t see the doc for two hours, but he made up for it.)

I don’t want my running days to be over faster than they had started, but in order to run again pain-free without causing additional damage, I don’t have a choice. Surgery is the only answer since I’ve torn my Meniscus (cartilage), and cartilage doesn’t heal. It never will.

Seeing everyone else run, enjoying the cooler temperatures, and missing out on 5k’s I had previously planned for, it’s played with my mind. I’ll be honest; the past five weeks have been really difficult (i.e. hell) for me ever since I injured myself. I see where athletes say that sitting on the sidelines is one of the hardest things to do when they’re injured or recovering. It sucks. I’ve been grumpier and edgier than I have been than while I’ve ran, and I haven’t been able to do much of anything. Stairs hurt, walking excessively hurts, twisting/dancing/pivoting hurts. But some days are better than others. Yeah, I know, I can take pain meds, I get that. I guess you could say I’m being a bit of a martyr however I’m the type to just, “suck it up” when it’s really not that bad. This pain is only dull, but not something I couldn’t deal with.

 

(My knees via X-Ray. The doctor is pretty happy with the way they look. I imagined at that moment, "Hey, nice knees!" Worst...pickup line...ever. Gentlemen, don't use it. ...random, I know.)

During the appointment, I had X-rays completed to check the structures of my knees to make sure everything looks in place, in addition to the previous MRI, and that there weren’t any possible fractures or issues. (Yes, those are my knees. My torn cartilage is in the outside left knee, or right on the above picture, that’s affected.)

The doctor said, ‘everything will be super easy and I expect you running again in 4-6 weeks after the surgery since you’re in shape.”

“…you’re in shape.” That’s the first thing I heard. And internally, I laughed. Like full-on rolling-on-the-floor-dying laugh.

“HUH?! What?! Noooooooo….. Hahahaha! Pshhh, I’m not in shape. What are you talking about?”

Remember that blog post I made about changing my thinking? How I have to adjust to not thinking “75 lbs heavier?” (…now 110+, but who’s counting?)  You can read about that here. It’s the same with how I’m in shape now.

Wow… I’m in shape? I certainly don’t feel like it.

He mentioned with how built my leg muscles are still (he can see that in the MRI), as well as my age and the overall health that I am in, recovery will be a breeze. He even wants me off of crutches the next day. Oof.

Anyway, the second thing I heard in that statement, (after I had to catch my breath from internally laughing so hard) FOUR TO SIX WEEKS and I’ll be running again! My first thought was, “Oh, thank God for my husband,” and then it was, “Oh, thank God!” (And I’m really thanking Him at this point, because going into this all and not knowing what was happening, that I was just having pain, I didn’t know if I would run again. Silly Ashley, it can be fixed!)

What happens (or at least in my case) with torn cartilage - there is literally a tear. What is torn is rolling up, causing pain in my knee due to it catching underneath. It’s not laying in place as it should be. It sounds a lot worse than it really is, but I’ve been limping some on bad days. The good news? The surgery is only a 20 minute procedure. The doctor will go in and shave off/remove what’s torn while scoping my knee to check to make sure everything else is intact and okay.  

(Artist's still out on the rendering, but at least the doctor explains it in terms, or pictures, I can understand. That's supposed to be the cartilage in my knee.)

The dark spot above is kind of what’s torn and will be removed in my knee. After all is said and done, I’ll still have cartilage to pad the knee of impact, and once the soreness wears off and starts to heal, back to running. (A-freaking-men.)

The doctor is somewhat concerned, however, with wear and tear on my knees, mostly due to years of being heavier, not impact from running. The scope is there to check to make sure that wear on the actual bone is still okay. He seems to think at most my knees may be that of a 40-year-old’s more so than late-20’s due to the pressure I was placing on my knees from the extra weight I was carrying around. 

(Humorous side note: The doctor was trying to beat around the bush about me “being heavier,” and was being sensitive towards “those days,” and it made me chuckle. I know some folks are a little more sensitive about “heavier days,” but I’m not. I just basically said, “Yes, I was heavier. But I chose to lead a new lifestyle, one that through this change, I can be healthy and hopefully live for more years to come. It happened, but it’s time to move on!” You can read about why I came to the decision here in my very first blog post.)

As I said previously, recovery is four to six weeks, and I’ll be running again once he clears me, WHICH IS AWESOME. What’s even more awesome? I’ll pretty much be walking (somewhat pain free) the day after surgery. There may be some soreness and swelling for up to six weeks after, but he fully expects me to be off of crutches within that first day after, and back to work on Monday. How cool is that?! (Of course, that’s if everything goes according to plan. …and that’s what I’m praying for.)

The doctor made mentioned he performed the same surgery on one of his colleagues in the office, and ultimately, he ran a half-marathon three weeks later. (Disclaimer: I WILL NOT RUN A HALF THREE WEEKS LATER.) I will not even run outside, much less resume the amount of mileage I was normally running each week three weeks later. My plan is to basically start from the beginning of Couch to 5k via treadmill to gauge where I am at physically post-surgery. I know I have lost some fitness in the previous weeks of inactivity, so I will have to build that back up with time. And I will also track the 10% rule. (I learned my lesson folks.)

But not all is lost… 

I’ve decided once everything is back to normal, and I resume running again, that I will shoot to complete the Indianapolis Mini Marathon in May, one item that still remains on my bucket list. I didn’t say I will run the entire 13ish miles, more like run/walk, but the ultimate goal is to complete the half.

I want to. For me. To show myself I can do something I set my mind to, even with stumbling blocks amongst the path, it can be done if I put my mind to it.

It will happen. It may not happen at the pace or activity level my competitive spirit wants it to be, but I will complete it.

So that’s my goal. Now to just get through surgery...

Waiting Game

Ever just have that Jeopardy theme pop into your head when you’re awaiting something? No? Just me? Gotcha.

Anywho; I received a phone call for a referral. I’m getting an MRI on my knee tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more nervous. 

I’m pretty sure it’s an open-sided one, as I’m not the greatest with tight spaces. (Luckily, it’s only my knee, and I’m praying that they just put me in up to my waist. Nothing more. I can’t do the whole arms-glued-to-my-side thing. 

The MRI is hoping to show whether or not I tore cartilage, though judging by my limp down stairs last night and the pain I have today (after thinking, “I got this,”), how bad the said tear could be, or if it’s something entirely different. I’m hoping it’s nothing too major, as I really don’t want to have surgery, but at this point, something needs to be done, even if it’s the MRI to make sure what’s what is what’s what.

UGH.

I’m honestly ready for this to just be over, even if the journey to recovery is just beginning. 

I honestly hate not being able to run. After attempting it the other night and having almost instant pain after taking off, I’ve been a ball of nerves, and quite frankly, just plain pissed off. I’m competitive by nature, and I was just starting to catch my stride, but I pushed myself too far, something I tend to do often thinking I’m Superwoman. I didn’t follow the 10% rule, but I know now, that hopefully when this is over, I know better for next time, if I get that chance.

I haven’t had much activity, if any, over the past four weeks. I haven’t really checked out any low-impact options. I’m hoping to check out kettlebells this weekend as a toning opportunity, a result from a family member who’s mentioned she loves using them recently. I’ve also thought about getting back into yoga, something to help stretch and strengthen with as well as distress doing.

I’ve got to do something because being stationary is driving me mad. I’m just afraid I will aggravate my knee even more, especially after limping around most of the day today.

Tomorrow’s test will tell, though I won’t know anything for maybe another week or so. I’m just hoping this doesn’t sideline me too long, though I consider myself a runner listed on IR.

Runner. Yeah, I am injured and currently not “running,” but I kind of like the sound of it! That wouldn’t have happened over a year ago :)

Until then, I’ll push on. My goal for this next week is to feel out something new or something that I haven’t done in a while. I also want to check out the gym at my college, as they have a stationary bike, rowing machine, and elliptical available, that I can easily walk to after work each night. All are low impact alternatives, something that I need to build up cardio again.

My fingers are crossed that this doesn’t derail my plans for the Mini next year, as that’s my biggest fear, but I’m trying to look at it glass half-full: Not derail, but delay. Just a minor speed bump in the grand scheme of things.

Until then… Push on. :)