And then there's days like this...

I absolutely hate cravings, though I've joked before, I crave worse than a pregnant lady. We have an ice team 'shop' in the student lounge at work. It's a huge diet distraction.

Not All Goals Are Created Equal

Weigh in was this morning, and I'll be honest, I'm a little surprised, mostly as a Cake Batter Flurry was involved, but I am down 2.6 lbs from last week! I am so excited! So far that's roughly 74 lbs lost total, but I'm not done yet. My first goal I ever set in this journey was to hit the 100 lb mark, but it was a TALL order. I thought that'd be reaching the impossible, but I'm closer than I'd ever imagined.

I've always been a believer in setting goals. If you hit it, celebrate! It's an achievement, and you did something you should be proud of! If you don't meet a goal, find out why, what didn't work, and how you can learn from it. Regardless of how big or how small, possible or impossible, set one! Goals don't always have to be big. I NEVER, EVER thought I would hit the 50 lb mark, let alone be possibly hitting the 100 lb mark.

I started small. My first goal ever set was 5%. To lose 5% of my starting body weight, which equaled about 12.5 lbs. From there, it was 10%, or 25 lbs. At 25, I was feeling better, could move more. Hell, I could bend over and tie my shoe without too much trouble! (I cried i was so happy. Seriously.)

Imagine carrying 2 ten pound bags of potatoes, plus 1 five pound bag around the grocery store. How long could you take it before putting them down? Now imagine that 25 being attached to your body. For me, losing 3 sacks of potatoes was huge!

Once the first 25 was off, I focused mainly on 5-10 pound increments, not the oh-my-gosh-I-have-100-pounds-to-lose thought. I'm the person who gets lost (or more appropriately freaked out) over big pictures. First week of each new semester in college, I would lose it over seeing 5 class syllabi and what I'd have to do in 16 weeks. I had a few coming to Jesus moments each first week. Once I settled in and took it one day at a time, I was good. Same with my weight loss journey. I still get caught up in the thought that I'll never hit the 100 lb mark, but I've come this far. Besides, it's for life, not a quick fix!

This journey hasn't been easy, and no, I haven't dropped the weight as fast as I had hoped, but the bumps in the road have helped me grow as person. In looking at the big picture, I've still lost 75 lbs, that being plenty more than my initial goal.

To say I've met my goal would be an understatement. I've met them, but as my goals are met, achieved, and celebrated, more are set. I want to keep going.

Again, this is NOT a quick fix, this is for life. My life, and my will to live a little longer than 75 lbs ago.

As Promised...

I went shopping! Ok, so that's not really a big deal because I didn't come home with anything, but I ALWAYS fear the dressing room no matter how much I've lost. It always seems I tend to try clothes on when I feel the fattest, or else the dressing room mirror makes me fatter magically!

As I said, I didn't bring home these two dresses as the last time I wore a skirt or dress was my wedding day almost 3 years ago. I'm more of a hockey tee, jeans, and flip flops kind of girl. I'm just not comfortable in them without a good pair of Spanx. That's the main reason I don't wear them more often, but I'll get there one day! :)

So without further adieu...

Dressing Thinner

I went to get my haircut a few nights ago, and through my total weight loss journey (and gains), my hairdresser has witnessed everything. The good, the bad, and the horribly ugly of it all.

I’ll give you a little background to the relationship. Where I’m from is a small, rural, Indiana town surrounded by a sea of corn. Population 1,000 on a good day. (I promise there is more than corn in Indiana. Local tourism joke.) Anywho, I go back home to get my haircut, as I just don’t trust many others with my hair. (I also sneak in a visit with my Mom, too!) Farmland is only about a half an hour drive away from where I live, so I usually just tend to make appointments, and after, visit my mom.

I’m a home-natured kind of girl. I used to have a dream of being a teacher. As soon as I could get out of college, I wanted to move to downtown Nashville, Tennessee, live in an apartment right next to the river, and teach in an intercity school. Not Farmland, Indiana, to say the least. Looking back, I don’t think it would have worked for long, as I get homesick rather easily. Even now I find myself longing to get back to Farmland, just to walk around the neighborhood where I grew up, or downtown to the general store for nickel candy, and I only live across the county! Anyway, where I grew up, everybody knows everybody. It can be a double edged sword at times, but I wouldn’t want anything less.

I’ve known Judy, my hairdresser for a long time. I went to my Senior Prom with her son, as well as my twin brother and I graduating with him. She’s seen my brother’s family grow from the very beginning, and to this day, my nephew only trusts Judy to cut his hair. (Sound familiar?) She did both my sister-in-law’s hair and mine for our wedding days. In typical beauty shop fashion, she knows what goes on in our lives. I tend to spill more than I should, but that’s beside the point.

She has seen my complete transformation through my weight loss journey. Again, as I said in the beginning, I went from my high school weight, to my “love chub,” to my shrinking frame, all in about 9 years. Yeah, I was happy when I was bigger, until life smacked me in the face with realization of being morbidly obese. (Side note: that phrase still rattles me every time I hear it.)

I guess this brings me to my point. During my hair cut, Judy and I were talking about fashion, the comfortable and uncomfortable, and the troubles we had finding things we liked that fit AND flatter us. I mentioned during the conversation, I always wanted to be that professional office worker in the latest blouse, pencil skirt, belt, heels, dressed stylishly professional. I love the pencil skirt look, but being the motorsports-obsessed hockey fan tomboy, the last time I wore a dress, much less a skirt, was my wedding day almost three years ago! I have a super-cute skirt I purchased a while back, but haven’t been able to bring myself to put it on as I’m more of a t-shirt and baggy pants kind of girl. It also doesn’t help that due to my weight loss, I have the “pouch,” or “apron” as some call it. I absolutely despise it, and I know it’s going to be the LAST thing that comes off! (Of course, right?) It prevents me from looking good in a pencil skirt, and also prevents me from tucking my shirt in when I probably should for a more professional look. Judy’s reply, after discussing our “pouches?” “You need to stop dressing 70 pounds heavier! Go shopping for goodness sake! You can look stylish, still be comfortable, and dress for your new size.”

Now, let me say that, no, I am no longer wearing my size 19 work pants with a belt, hoping that I can pull it off with a shirt that covers the waistline, while I don’t show God and everybody my underoos. I’m now in a 14, with no belt holding my britches up. (Ask some of my former coworkers. It was almost at the point of intervention because I didn’t want to buy new pants.)

So this brings me to a newer, more personal goal: I want to dress “70 pounds lighter.” I want to be that girl that everyone in the office looks to for style advice or the latest fashion (within reason, of course). I may be a tomboy, but I do still like to be girly (sometimes). Afterall, I can only make my hockey tee look business casual for so long and get away with it!

(At some point, due to confidence and self-esteem, I MAY try to gather some courage to post pictures of the new looks. No promises.)