Sidelined

To whoever told me running was addicting before I started and I didn't believe you? I'm sorry. (You were right. I was wrong. Seriously.)

Running has become my release, my stress relief wonder-drug ever since I started C25K. If I've had a bad day, more than likely you'd find me in the middle of BFE, blazing my trail down the country road by foot.

Like any other running day, I got up early and went to the grocery first thing this past Saturday. This weekend you would've found me at two local race tracks, running around like a madwoman working media in a side gig. I knew I needed to get the grocery chore done or we wouldn't eat for the remainder of the week (I can't let my hubby starve). I also needed to run since I didn't feel up to it Friday night. The run would split my days of my typical run days (Friday/Sunday), but it would be done, as I wouldn't of been in any shape to run after a day full of stock cars. I knew that ahead of time and planned accordingly as best as I could've.

Jump back to Tuesday night this past week, I set out for a four-miler, if I could handle it. I've been working up to 12 miles a week, running 3 nights for 4 miles. I've been following the 10% increase rule pretty religiously, not increasing my distance over 10% from the week before's total, but still listening to my body and stretching really good after each run. Since I didn't really feel it after a long day Friday, I made no excuse not to run Saturday morning, as I knew I'd be enjoying a track's delish Pizzaburger later that night. I needed ALL of the calories I could get after you factor in adding Cheese Curds! ;)

I set out for another typical four-miler on Saturday after coming home from the grocery and downing some Gatorade, grabbing a small snack. (I don't run well after just rolling out of bed. I have to wait a while before I can run early in the morning. Actually, on second thought, I just don't function well period after rolling out of bed. I'm getting older, folks. It's total crap.) Things seemed totally normal until after turning around at the 2 mile mark, running up until about 2 1/2 miles with no problem. I hit 2.75 and wanted to die. Figuratively of course, but the pain coming from the top of my foot, and most importantly the outside of my left knee put me in tears. I called my husband in a panic to come pick my sweaty and gimpy butt up, because I couldn't walk the remaining mile or so back. I couldn't function.

Awesome. And I was due to leave for the track in 2 hours. Even more awesome, right?

I needed to make a last minute run to town to pick up some overnight mail I'd been eagerly anticipating, and while there I picked up a brace, some Aleve, and decided to suck it up.

After resting for some time, things seemed to feel ok. Got to the track, got my passes, got in, and set out for the infield to do my thing. To get to the infield, you have to go down stairs, through a tunnel, and back up into Turn 3. I took one step down to go through the tunnel and wimpered in pain. Stairs were more than just a chore. And I had no choice but to suck it up a push on.

I ran through the tunnel what seemed like 20 times that night, back and forth to the tower to get what I needed, then back to Turn 3 again, after trips under the tunnel. Each time the pain got worse, but I couldn't stop. Standing or pacing? I was fine. But sprinting and walking were an absolute killer. It actually felt somewhat good to just stay in one place, but I couldn't. Not for what I was doing.

After Saturday night, I learned my lesson for Sunday and headed to track number 2. I only made the trip across the track twice, looking a little worse for wear each time I came back up from the other side. I only needed to grab a few key shots for my recap, and thankfully a clean race made the wear and tear on my knee a little bit easier.

Enter today. I knew something was still wrong. I knew it wasn't just a muscle strain I could put off and work through, so I called my chiropractor to make an appointment. He also does sports medicine/physical therapy, and I knew I at least needed an opinion to see if I needed a referral. Luckily he was able to treat me in office, working with ultrasound to help get me on my way.

So here I sit, typing, with an icepack on my knee watching hockey. Aleve twice a day, icepack every night, and most importantly no running until I'm pain free.

(Insert audible obscenities here.)

No running. No stress relief. No feeding the healthy addiction I've developed until I'm pain free.

I know it's for the best, and I am still young. I don't want to permanently hurt myself for the remainder of my life, but I do feel like a total failure.

Let me first say I am in no way an athlete. They are on a whole different, higher level than I've ever been in my life. But when you hear an athlete say that doing something they love gets taken away by injury and they're sidelined, ordered to rest, unable to do what they love, that it messes with their psyche? It's completely true.

I know this isn't the end, and no I'm not on crutches, but I feel miserable. This is my first sports-related injury I've ever had, first injury that's put me on rest for some time since I broke my arm in fifth grade.

Quite frankly I'm frustrated. I'm ticked. Yes it's just tendonitis, and I'm being a total baby, or 'Anxiety Girl,' as one of my favorite coworkers puts it.

Yeah, that's me alright. Ugh.

I know this too shall pass, and until then I'll try to maintain as healthy of a diet as I can to help with the remaining 5 pounds I want off of me. But in the meantime, it's just me, an icepack, and no running; no 5K's, no fun runs, no running until I'm pain free.

Bull, if you ask me.

The Biggest Loser (This One's For You, Momma!)

A few nights ago I spoke with my mom just as I normally do. (Almost every night I call her. I'm sure she grows tired of it. Ha!) Her and I are very close, she always acting as my parent first, but as a close friend second in my life.  The support system and encouragement she has given me throughout my life is more than I feel I ever deserved from such an amazing and independent lady, and she never has wavered from standing behind me on anything I’ve done. With my weight loss journey, she’s told me over and over again how proud she is of me, even if I still don’t really feel as if it was (or is) a big deal. When I’m having a horrible day, or feeling like I weigh a ton? She’s always the one to put it in perspective, or makes sure to remind me, “one step at a time.” (All of the time.)

I can say without a doubt, my most recent phone call with her and what she said is still playing in my mind. I don’t usually watch the Biggest Loser, or at least haven’t in quite a while, however my mom keeps up on the show when she can. She told me of the story of one of the contestants on the show (she couldn’t remember her name unfortunately), and how her story was so very similar to mine. Overall she was not happy with the way she looked and felt, wanted to make a change, but with lower self-esteem and lack of confidence she wasn’t sure how. My mom had mentioned how after hearing her story and seeing what the contestant went through: her struggles, triumphs, and learning to (and continuing) to run as a way to clear her mind and become active consistently while maintaining her healthy weight and happiness, that my mom just couldn't hold it together because of how proud she was of me. She just let the waterworks loose. She said, “I didn’t mean to tear up, but I just couldn’t help it. That was you on that TV screen.” That for what I’ve done, which she constantly reminds me as no small feat (even though I still don’t believe it’s that big of a deal), is something she’s so proud of, she tells everyone she can that she meets, while showing off pictures as if I’m one of her beautiful grandchildren. (That makes me smile! I know those grandchildren lay in her special heart. When they were born, adult kiddos went to the back-burner.)

She also recently shared that she was actually scared for me, for my health, and for my life, before I started my journey. I immediately started crying when she shared that tidbit with me; I really didn't want her to be scared. But, she never pressured me to do something I wasn't ready for. Cheered me on and supported me? Yes. Pressured. No. Not at all. Being the Nutritionist she is by trade (kind of), she only gave me the tools I needed to succeed. She was the one who encouraged me to at least try the national program I started out with (and eventually lost my first 60 pounds with), and when it started to not really work as effectively as it previously did, she helped me find something else that did work, encouraging me the whole way never to give up. The only thing she reminded me during was to do it for me. 

"Learn in the process, take the negatives with a grain of salt, and do it for yourself. No one else. You're the only one in control of your happiness."

I honestly couldn't believe she was really that scared for me, as I was happy when I was bigger. I honestly was happy, at least for some time. But the weight did finally catch up with me, and things fell into place so much so that I was finally tired of the way I was, of the unhealthy lifestyle I had become accustomed to. (You can read more about that in my very first blog here.)

So mom, thank you. I don't know if you'll ever read this or not, but your support has truly been nothing but amazing for me. You've never not stood behind me, and when you did push me, you pushed me positively, helping me learn on my own to be me along the way. You've helped me be independent, learning from my mistakes that have molded me and shaped me, developing my own sense of confidence and self-esteem along the way.

Without you momma, I truly wouldn't be half of the woman I am today. I am eternally grateful for you.

It's Been a While...

Oh school, how you've taken over my social (and blogging) life...

So, it's been a while since I've posted. I was on a (pretty consistent) roll there for a while... Sorry, folks! I'm reaching that point of a semester where I'm buckling down which means that my social life kind of gets thrown out the window. Unfortunately, my running has too.

Have I kept running? YES! Has it been consistent/on a solid schedule? Well... Not quite. UGH.

I've at least maintained around 8-10 miles per week, which is fine, however I hate the fact it's split between two days, not 3. I did however, manage to reach 12 miles this week, with 4 runs around 3-4+ miles each. Oh, happy day! My times have suffered a bit, but I've been kind of relaxing while I run, not forcing myself with speed to set new times. I'm much happier this way. (MUCH happier.) It's not feeling so... chore-ish.

I've enjoyed it so much so that I ran in the rain yesterday... If you've never tried it (and a little water won't kill you; you won't melt, I promise), I highly suggest it! I wouldn't necessarily call it "rain," more mist-like, but it was cooler. I froze in shorts and a wicking tee starting out, however my body did adjust, warmed up, and I honestly didn't realize the mist had stopped halfway through. It was very pleasant and relaxing! I've found a new favorite running condition :)

At the halfway mark, (my turn-back point) I texted my husband to ask if he'd pick me up if I ran to the next little "town." According to county road markers, it'd be 4 miles total, however it measured at just a little over 3 with my GPS. (Deceiving.) I made it quicker than I thought I would and still had a mile left for my target distance, so I ran around the little town's country roads, out East first, then back, then North, then back. Since I had some time to kill before he picked me up, I started walking back as a cool down. Overall, it was a nice change to challenge myself a little, almost as if I set a "finish line" for the run. Much more fun, too!

Unfortunately (thanks to studying), my diet has suffered a bit. I've felt it while running, as it's slowed me down a bit. This past week I ate what felt like a metric crap-ton of sugar, whether it was pie (sugar free), cookies (not sugar free), and just junk in general. I haven't ate "clean" for a while, and I'm starting to feel it. I don't like it either. (Never thought I'd hear that out of my mouth.)

This week's goal is to clean it up. Go back to tracking everything, and not cheating just because I ran. It's a horrible excuse and it needs to stop. Tracking ahead and meal planning helps me tremendously, so I'm focusing on that. It drives my husband crazy thinking about what we're having for dinner before I've even ate breakfast, but planning ahead really, really helps me. Also grazing, or eating 6 smaller meals as opposed to three larger meals helps me control hunger throughout the day, staying satisfied without stuffing myself. I feel SO much better when I do that for a longer period of time. Snacking definitely helps!

Now that I have a goal, let's mix it up a little, shall we? The next two weeks, (and all of October really) will be a bit of a challenge for me. Between two races to cover for a side gig, as well as training for a new position I just received in Indy (with boxed lunches included and an hour and a half, twice a day commute), tracking and staying on task will be an even bigger challenge. I know when I get home I will be exhausted, but not running is not an option or an excuse. Luckily it's for only three weeks, but it's quite a bit going on in a short amount of time. I just hope running consistently and focusing on my diet will help see me through. (Definitely packing snacks and water just in case, too!)

A few weekends ago, I did complete the ISC Corporate Challenge 5k Run for my place of employment, as well as the Fitness Walk after, totaling a 10K! I can honestly say I'm pretty proud of myself, as I set my fastest time (officially) at 10:39 mi/min average! I did feel every mile for a few days after, however it felt like such an awesome accomplishment, giving me a boost to hopefully complete a full 10K running at some point soon. Also, my reward? Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake Gelato from Goose the Market. It was a very, very tasty reward at that. (You can't deprive yourself. I certainly haven't! But I did count it.)

I do have a few races coming up soon, both with the Wayne Co. Challenge; a 5k on October 19 and a 7k on November 16. I'm really looking forward to the 7k even though it's not really a new distance. I've done 4.5 before with no problem on fresh legs, and with the cooler temperatures I've noticed I can run longer distances with less fatigue. I just hope it's not too cold by then... I'm still trying to adjust to running in different temperatures, however I can tell I favor mid-50's for races. Sunny, and mid-50's.

Of course with the upcoming races, I will keep you guys posted!

(As always, thank you for your continued support! I honestly never thought at 250 lbs. I could get this far, and now I'm 100+ lost and counting, making fitness strides every day. Even if you're in the middle, stuck in a rut, or aren't sure about even starting, do it for you for the right reasons. It's worth the ride!)