The Biggest Loser (This One's For You, Momma!)

A few nights ago I spoke with my mom just as I normally do. (Almost every night I call her. I'm sure she grows tired of it. Ha!) Her and I are very close, she always acting as my parent first, but as a close friend second in my life.  The support system and encouragement she has given me throughout my life is more than I feel I ever deserved from such an amazing and independent lady, and she never has wavered from standing behind me on anything I’ve done. With my weight loss journey, she’s told me over and over again how proud she is of me, even if I still don’t really feel as if it was (or is) a big deal. When I’m having a horrible day, or feeling like I weigh a ton? She’s always the one to put it in perspective, or makes sure to remind me, “one step at a time.” (All of the time.)

I can say without a doubt, my most recent phone call with her and what she said is still playing in my mind. I don’t usually watch the Biggest Loser, or at least haven’t in quite a while, however my mom keeps up on the show when she can. She told me of the story of one of the contestants on the show (she couldn’t remember her name unfortunately), and how her story was so very similar to mine. Overall she was not happy with the way she looked and felt, wanted to make a change, but with lower self-esteem and lack of confidence she wasn’t sure how. My mom had mentioned how after hearing her story and seeing what the contestant went through: her struggles, triumphs, and learning to (and continuing) to run as a way to clear her mind and become active consistently while maintaining her healthy weight and happiness, that my mom just couldn't hold it together because of how proud she was of me. She just let the waterworks loose. She said, “I didn’t mean to tear up, but I just couldn’t help it. That was you on that TV screen.” That for what I’ve done, which she constantly reminds me as no small feat (even though I still don’t believe it’s that big of a deal), is something she’s so proud of, she tells everyone she can that she meets, while showing off pictures as if I’m one of her beautiful grandchildren. (That makes me smile! I know those grandchildren lay in her special heart. When they were born, adult kiddos went to the back-burner.)

She also recently shared that she was actually scared for me, for my health, and for my life, before I started my journey. I immediately started crying when she shared that tidbit with me; I really didn't want her to be scared. But, she never pressured me to do something I wasn't ready for. Cheered me on and supported me? Yes. Pressured. No. Not at all. Being the Nutritionist she is by trade (kind of), she only gave me the tools I needed to succeed. She was the one who encouraged me to at least try the national program I started out with (and eventually lost my first 60 pounds with), and when it started to not really work as effectively as it previously did, she helped me find something else that did work, encouraging me the whole way never to give up. The only thing she reminded me during was to do it for me. 

"Learn in the process, take the negatives with a grain of salt, and do it for yourself. No one else. You're the only one in control of your happiness."

I honestly couldn't believe she was really that scared for me, as I was happy when I was bigger. I honestly was happy, at least for some time. But the weight did finally catch up with me, and things fell into place so much so that I was finally tired of the way I was, of the unhealthy lifestyle I had become accustomed to. (You can read more about that in my very first blog here.)

So mom, thank you. I don't know if you'll ever read this or not, but your support has truly been nothing but amazing for me. You've never not stood behind me, and when you did push me, you pushed me positively, helping me learn on my own to be me along the way. You've helped me be independent, learning from my mistakes that have molded me and shaped me, developing my own sense of confidence and self-esteem along the way.

Without you momma, I truly wouldn't be half of the woman I am today. I am eternally grateful for you.