Thinking Heavier

First of all, I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but I believe I can finally say (by hopefully not jinxing myself) that the plateau has broken! I’m back to the 75 lbs down total with 5 pounds more to go before my vacation goal at the end of the month! I’ve also had several ladies at work notice I’ve lost more weight, too. :)

As I’ve stated before in previous blogs, with weight loss, everything shrinks. Well…almost everything.

My hips, waist, thighs, etc, are all instances where I’ve lost weight, but I’ve also lost in more peculiar places. (Example: ankles, calves, neck, ring finger, and so on.) Unfortunately, the only thing that hasn’t shrunk is my thinking.

It’s hard to explain, but when I am out shopping, browsing aisles of clothing, or thinking of an activity to do with your friends, I still think with “limitations.” I still think I’m 75 lbs heavier, and in no way would I think that I could squeeze into that dress or go kayaking, for instance. I can move more, as well as move easier. Whether I’m running up more flights of stairs without getting winded, or running around the backyard with my niece and nephew, I can keep up. I can certainly hold my own now. But it’s more than that.

I get frustrated sometimes, as I still haven’t hit that “comfort zone” while branching out and trying new things. It may just be my natural shyness, but it’s a little rough when I want to push myself. This doesn’t just come to clothes or feeling better about myself in a dressing room mirror, or when out with friends; I’ve always dreamed of ziplining or doing other things that I couldn’t do 75 lbs ago. But it’s disheartening when the first place my mind ventures to is: ‘There’s no way you could do that. Not at your weight or size.”

I automatically think 75 lbs heavier. I reach for the XL, when I just need a Medium. I discount myself when I have the opportunity to zipline. I’m still worried about walking around all day in our “vacation” city, when my knees and feet can handle it just fine now with no problems.

It’s all about mentality, but I’m afraid my mind hasn’t caught up with my body yet. I’m not complaining, as I’ve put in the hard work, diet, exercise, and everything else in between to get me where I am. I’ve made the sacrifices, but I’m still working on the motivation to keep it going. I feel better, but I also trip and stumble.

I don’t think it helps much that I don’t see the change. I obviously see myself every day in the mirror, but I still don’t really notice I’m smaller, unless I hold up a side by side picture of myself. I see the numbers on the back of my pants, sizes on my shirts, or numbers on the scale get smaller, but I still just don’t “see it.”

What I do see, though, is that I’ve already done what I formerly thought was impossible.

Clearly, I need to change my thinking… :)