"You'll never know if you don't try."

...I know, mom. And I only hope you're proud of me for living through your quote. I wouldn't be here in my journey if this isn't what you said when I told you I decided to lose weight. :)

I wasn't actually planning to submit anything when I first saw Brooke from Brooke Not On A Diet's retweet this morning of Shape Magazine's call for women to submit their weight loss stories.

Would you like to be featured in the magazine with @babnotonadiet​? Send your story to youinshape@shape.com.
— Shape Magazine (@Shape_Magazine) May 9, 2014

I'm a little uneasy with the fact that I may or may not have to pose in a bikini. Do I hope to some day? Yes. Confidently? Double yes.

...but Brooke has inspired me; inspired me enough to run in just a sports bra and running shorts last night, loose skin, nerves, and all. I'm sure it'll be the talk of church come Sunday, that I was out running in "next to nothing," but honestly - my husband was ok with it. (As curt as it sounds - his opinion is really the only one I care about when it comes to something like this. Wow. I really am growing up, huh? Ha!)

But as one of my favorite persons of all time and a favorite blogger too, Dacia over at My Roots To Grow, mentioned this morning in her blog post, I'm not really out for the promotion of my blog, or to "sell" my story. I honestly don't have much time to promote my blog as much as I would love to, with working full-time, racing stuff on weekends, and school mixed in. However, I do want to share my story so that others can be inspired. That's the only reason why I chose to even form this blog to begin with, much less submit something to Shape.

...and the fact that I'm still petrified to rock a bikini, gulp, in public, freeeeeeeeeaks me out. But I have several folks who have already said they will go bikini shopping with me if needed. I can't even begin to thank each and everyone I'm surrounded by, who continue to give me support and encouraging words either personally or via social media.

So, without further adieu, here's what I submitted to Shape, along with the photos I attached, in response to the above tweet:

 
For me, when I set out on my "weight loss journey" about four years ago, I didn't plan to lose triple digits - 116+ pounds total now - I just wanted to be healthy (NOT skinny). Cardiac health issues run deep in my family, and I've watched my Opa (German for grandfather) go through at the time 4, now 5, heart attacks, all due to poor diet in the past. Throw in personal insecurities, bullying trauma and virtually no self esteem left over from high school (and the fact I couldn't wear fashions I wanted to as a young twenty-something because I had to shop in the "older lady section" of a department store) I knew something had to change. It was just time. On my wedding day in October 2009, I tipped the scale at 250 lbs., morbidly obese but in denial. About 6 months after I married my husband, I knew something had to change, and I joined a national weight loss program, only setting a goal to see where losing 25 pounds would get me. Never did I ever imagine that it would lead to my healthy lifestyle change. I've chronicled the good, bad, and ugly through my blog attheemotionalride.blogspot.com, covering all things from the highs of completing my first half marathon last month after taking up running last summer, to the struggles I still deal with in the dressing room mirror at the mall, and everything in between in hopes to inspire.

The past four years are very hard to summarize in just one email, especially the feelings I have battled and triumphed over, while only hoping to inspire others to make a change for themselves, and for the better, while also bettering my body for having kids some day in the future. I knew that if I wanted to have children, to prevent a high risk issue, something also needed to change. My husband and my mother have been my rock the entire way, cheering me on or holding me while I cry and let go of feelings from the past. What the four years have given me is enough confidence and drive to accomplish what I love, including my first ever half marathon in Indianapolis. I'm truly, finally happy, while also "finding myself" in the process.

Though I've reached and surpassed my goal of losing 100 pounds, my journey continues everyday with my struggles of food, but also toning and continuing to maintain what I've worked for. It's a lifelong journey, not a "quick fix."

Thank you for taking time to read my, albeit short, summary of my weight loss journey. I have attached some pictures showing the progress I've made.

My Before vs. After/Current Progress - approx 115 lbs difference.

I can usually count the seconds it takes someone visiting my office to either, A) double-take, B) ask if that's my sister (nope, I have a brother), C) ask how much weight I've lost, or D) all of the above.

 

For the first time in my life, inspired by Brooke, I bared midriff while running in just a sports bra & shorts. It was both nerve-wrecking AND freeing.

Completing my first half marathon, not expecting to ever have the opportunity when adding it to my bucket list, tipping the scales at 250 lbs. But I did.

                                                                                                                                                                 

Do I honestly think something is going to come of this? No, honestly I don't. I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there that have better reasons than me, have a more interesting "hook" than my story does when deciding to take their life in their own hands to make a change for the better, and definitely deserve the praise and recognition. 

But regardless, for all of the love and support I've been given, thank you. For those who've said I'm a warrior, an inspiration, a driving force, or a reason to decide to lose weight or change their lifestyle, that humbles me incredibly, because I never ever thought I'd get this far, much less influence or inspire someone. 

I truly thank each and every person in my life for allowing me to accomplish this.

Currently...

I've been stalking reading Dacia's blog 'My Roots to Grow' again, and she's giving me another awesome idea for a blog post! I love her post Currently, borrowed from another blog I've started reading, Fit and Free with Emily.

So here it goes!

Thinking

It's finally May, my favorite month of the year to be a Hoosier. The Indianapolis 500 is a holiday much like Christmas in the motorsports world, and it's almost here! I've been watching the sports coverage on local news outlets obsessively, following the drivers I love and cheer for on Twitter, Instragram, and others, showcasing our wonderful state capitol, and the love of such a historic event they have, as much as I do.

For as long as I can remember, I've been mesmerized by my Opa's stories of the "good ole days" of Mario, A.J., Al and several others from the days he worked at Indianapolis Motor Speedway, skipping out on work at a local grocery store as a butcher to compete in the annual chili cook off with Ma Unser or spending long days and longer nights hanging around the garage area while the world's best race car drivers compete for the Borg Warner trophy and a kiss of the bricks. He's the reason I'm such a huge racing enthusiast.

Also, the weather has finally turned, and I'm finally able to get back to the dirt track. Bring on summer!

Feeling

Relieved. My Spring semester is over, and I survived Statistics with an A (along with an A+ in Business & Society). I still have my 4.0 GPA. Highly thankful for that!

Watching

The NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs, of course! However, I've slacked a bit since Washington is tumultuous, and the Columbus Blue Jackets were eliminated by the Pittsburgh Penguins... but what a series that was!

Excited

...for my upcoming trip to the east coast! It won't technically be my first visit there, however a layover in the Newark, NJ airport doesn't count, so it'll be my first "overnight" stay, and I plan to take full advantage of the four days I have in Boston, Mass. I alluded to not being in Indiana for the first time since I can remember during Memorial/Race weekend for the Indianapolis 500, and Boston is where I will be! I'm heading out to spend a few days within downtown Boston, then taking the train west of the city to visit a special friend. I can't wait to see you Robin!

Side note: In talking with a coworker who grew up in the city, I shared my amazement that I could take a "water taxi" from the ferry dock at Boston Logan across the harbor to Long Wharf as opposed to the T, or subway for us out-of-towners. It'd give me a welcoming view of the Boston skyline, and I opted for this, as I felt it was a great introduction to the city! He proceeded to give me a look of amazement before busting out laughing. All I could think to say was, "we don't have boat taxis in Indiana, much less a subway system."

Missing

Thunder & Lightning, as my Opa preciously refers to my two favorite hoodlums. I'm really missing my niece and nephew and I can't wait to see them again soon. They always know how to make their aunt laugh!

In talking with my mom on the phone last night, she shared with me she waited for my nephew to get off of the bus from school the other day, and while they were swinging in the backyard, he out of the blue asked how I was:

"Mamaw Jill, how's Aunt Ashley?"

"She's doing really good buddy, her and Uncle (Mr. K)."

"Well, that's good."

"Do you remember seeing all of those runners on the TV last weekend?"

"Yes, Mamaw Jill, I do."

"Your Aunt Ashley was there. She ran that day with ALL of those other runners!"

"What was her number?!"

"Your Aunt Ashley's number was 26446." "Wow, Mamaw Jill, that's so cool!" (This made me cry while smiling. I miss that boy!)

Reading

...a book that finally isn't considered "required reading material." Thank goodness for summer break! I just sat down to start Janet Guthrie's biography:

Wondering

What tomorrow will bring! I plan to run for the first time since the half marathon, as I decided to just take a week off to recover, especially after the stomach flu/Satan's wrath of a recovery I had, and that it lingered for a few days this week. I'll be running a local 5k to benefit a local horse stable that offers therapeutic riding and lessons.

Working

It's that time of year again at my in-law's farm, and Mr. K has been hard at work preparing the fields for #Plant14. This year, we're drilling soybeans (again, I think...), and the field has been tilled, weeds sprayed, and now we wait a week until the actual "drilling" begins. It's not much land compared to some local farmers, but I see how much Mr. K enjoys himself when he's on the tractor. I also love riding along when I get the chance, either on the fenderwell of the Farmall while tilling, or scrunched up in the cab while planting. I didn't grow up on a farm, but yet in a small town where agriculture is still a huge part of life for many. I was a proud 4-H'er, my twin showing hogs while in high school and helping with them, but I have such a huge appreciation for what farmers do. It's their livelihood. Simple as this: We farm. You eat. And I appreciate Mr. K and my father-in-law's patience when I ask the dumbest questions ;)

Stressed

...when am I not? Next section...

Proud

I'm so proud of my "Mini Me," my niece Kaylyn. My niece is on this Earth all because of a lifesaving heart surgery at four days old under the care of Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. The days after she was born were some of the longest days of my life, not knowing how she was or how she would be affected later in life by a congenital heart defect. At first, it was something we thought could've been fixed somewhere during the first six months of her life (no biggie). That didn't exactly happen, but because of that surgery, and her awesome cardiologist and his team, I get to see her grow in to the young woman she's rapidly becoming. Quickly. (And I don't like that!) This week, she had her yearly check up, and she's all-clear! The doctor is ecstatic with her progress, and I'm so dang proud of her. (...and proud that she's picking up on my love of motorsports. My corruption is working!)

Wanting

Ice Cream. Ugh.

Wishing

...I could call up my mother in law to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.

This week has been incredibly hard on Mr. K and I, as my mother in law would've celebrated both her birthday and Mother's Day this week. Instead, we reflected, celebrated the time we had with her, and shed many tears. This weekend is going to be brutal, and I only wish I could just pop over to the farm while Mr. K's in the field, to hang out with her in the kitchen. But I can't.

Eating

...waaaaaaaay too many damn sweets. I've been on a bit of a Pinterest tear, and my sweet tooth has been craving overtime. It's something that's always a work in progress to tone down, but I'm going in to next week with the goal of limiting my sugar intake. It's really getting out of control.

Drinking

Mucho water. Ever since the Mini Marathon/Stomach Flu/Satan's Recovery Wrath, I've been super thirsty, and I've been drinking plenty of needed water. Also, trying to curb cravings, but clearly we see how that's working...

Loving

Brantley Gilbert. Sorry Mr. K! I've recently found myself on the verge of obsession with songs off of his soon to be released album, including "My Baby's Guns and Roses," and this one:

"...that girl from Indiana sure was pretty..."

His and Hers

My coworker suggested I write about, as...in her words, "it's too funny not to."...but I'm going to spare you with the details (and humorous marriage story, for sake of Mr. K).

As with any marriage, you have his and you have hers. It could be the "pile of beauty crap" I have on my shelf in the bathroom versus his one stick of deodorant, razor, toothbrush, and toothpaste on his. It could be my car preference versus his truck. He doesn't run. He thinks I'm crazy (though I'm sure I am) for running, but I love it. He likes to relax on vacation, I like to explore. He's relaxed and watches the world go by, allowing negativity to roll off of his back; I dig in deep to ensure I'm enjoying said world, while also being slightly OCD about it.

...but "His and Hers" also applies to our food. We have two very different tastes when it comes to our palates, but I always say, "opposites attract." He's a meat and potatoes guy with no interest in "foliage" or "greenery," while in my weight loss journey, I can't get enough of lean meats, fruits, and veggies (but with a vicious sweet-tooth). There have been several times I've thought to myself, "Wow. His and hers meals, huh?"

Tonight's big debate for dinner? Pizza. Specifically a particular company's offering; one slice compares to the amount of calories I consume in one meal. Usually when I know we're getting pizza, I try to buffer it with a HUGE salad first, so I can enjoy a slice or two rather than inhale an entire pie. However, said company doesn't offer a side salad, and "salad" in my refrigerator is nonexistent until I grocery shop tomorrow. Dilemma.

I'll be perfectly honest, all I want to do is eat the entire pizza. I know I won't stop if I don't have that buffer; I've had that problem before, and I have that problem when going to buffets (it's why I avoid them at all costs if I can), as I try to control portion at all costs. I have a horrible issue with 'portion distortion,' even after four-plus years of weight loss, but I try to combat it with measuring foods, dividing them out, using a food scale, and planning my meal-day ahead, as I usually stick to goals easier that way.

But, but.... Pizza. It's my favorite.

As I've said before, I'm a firm believer in moderation over deprivation. If you cut something completely out of your diet you enjoy, you will crave it at one time or another. I promise you that. And there are times where one should just enjoy themselves, enjoy the moment, and throw calorie-caution to the wind. But after the Mini Marathon, my diet has slacked and I've really tried to clean things up this week to no avail. My sweet tooth (and Pinterest recipe ideas) strike again!

...and poor Mr. K - he's in the line of fire. All he wants is this certain kind of pizza, it's been a while since we've had it, but since they don't offer any side salads or additional foods that aren't 1,000 calories a slice, I'm struggling, and he heard about it. (To which I'm very sorry and feel absolutely horrible in the way it was delivered to Mr. K. He pushed for pizza, resulting in me panicking over pizza-hoarding desperation. I don't trust myself with food, but really Ash? Suck it up and let him have the damn pizza.)

...but as with anything I eat, I adapt. I'm currently planning on still ordering said pizza, but sticking to what I know - loading my half of that bad boy down with nothing but veggies (light on the cheese), and limiting myself to what I can have. I'm also planning to stop by the grocery to pick up a prepackaged side salad to eat as my buffer.

For me, I know preplanning works best, especially in situations like this, as know Mr. K likes what he likes (despite my insistence on giving some things a try, or others the boot; poor guy), so an extra side trip it is!

How do you adapt or handle this situation? Comment below, and share with me and others your stories, issues, or situations, and most importantly - how you adapt to challenging food situations. I'd definitely love to hear your ideas!

OneAmerica 500 Festival Indianapolis Mini Marathon Race Recap

There's so much I want to say about this past Saturday's half marathon, my first, but I'm not sure where to start or even really how to put everything in words.

I'm not sore, nor was I at really any point after the race aside from what felt like a shin splint in my right leg and the tendon I tweaked a few weeks ago just letting me know it was still there. But nothing hurt. That's it. That's the only soreness I had from 13.1 miles of sheer enjoyment.

The race was amazing, much more than I ever expected. ...but first, let me back up, as I've got two days of Indy-goodness to talk about!

I decided to take the entire day off from work on Friday so that I could rest, get a last minute chiropractic adjustment, clean the house, prep myself for what's about to happen, calm my nerves (or so I thought), and just "chill." Mr. K came home from work, and off to Indy we went!

We decided to go straight downtown to the Indiana Convention Center instead of checking in to the hotel first, to check out the expo and pick up my race packet. What I didn't expect were the nerves and the flood of apprehension that poured over me as we drove in and parked. It was as if it were a bit of panic. (Other runners, is this normal for your first big race?)

After I picked up my packet, we decided to head to the hotel, grab some dinner, come back and just chill. As I unpacked my race clothes to pin my number on my shirt ahead of time, the flood of panic hit me. I forgot to pack a sports bra. (Insert: Facepalm.)

I knew I laid it out with my outfit. I had everything laid out a few days ahead of time just so I didn't wear what I wanted to wear on Saturday during my last training run Thursday. I seriously thought it was the end of the world, and poor Mr. K heard it all... Luckily, in deciding to stay outside of downtown, Target was just down the road! So after we were back from dinner, after I already threw on PJs to chill for the rest of the evening, we made a mad dash down the road, again, so I can buy a last minute, ahem, necessity.

Getting up Saturday morning, I was nervous. I didn't sleep well the night before, even if everything I've read suggests a runner should do otherwise. I was too anxious, too excited, and too giddy, but also apprehensive approaching race day.

We grabbed breakfast at the hotel, loaded up, and headed downtown. We arrived early, right before the start of the first wave at 7:45, and just kind of hung out until my wave at 8:45. It was brisk, and I made sure to keep a light jacket over a long sleeve shirt, over my tee shirt, with shedding each layer to get accustomed the closer to the start.

At this point, I want to thank Mr. K for all that he did for me Saturday. He's a trooper. He stood in the cold with me, held all of my crap, waited on me for over 2 1/2 hours after I started running (that doesn't include before or after the actual race), and dealt with a long line of other spectators wanting to get breakfast at Panera after ducking away from Steak N Shake as the line was down the block. Poor guy. And just for the record, he doesn't do cities very much either folks, all while trying to understand why I'm crazy enough to run 13.1 miles with 33,000+ other runners. I truly have a fabulous and amazing husband.

...shortly before the fun began, I met these two guys, as they started the race basically beside me as our wave took off. One was named Kyle, unfortunately I didn't grab the gentleman's name to the right of this picture, but they are two soldiers who completed 13.1 miles of craziness with their military boots on their feet and their gear packs weighed down, as they were prepping for a training exercise here in a few weeks. All I could do was thank them, in addition to explaining to them how much of rockstars they truly are. I'm still in awe of them, and if I ever get the chance to, I will buy them a beer for both their service to their country (and the reason I can run free), while also for their accomplishment at the Mini. It was truly incredible. (Thanks for the inspiration guys!)

As we started the race heading west of downtown, I'm not going sugarcoat it, but we ran through some questionable neighborhoods that I wouldn't normally run or drive through alone. During daylight. It was really set up nice though, all along the course, as there was plenty of entertainment, plenty of action, plenty of water stops, and plenty of people-watching to keep me entertained in addition to my newly loaded playlist.

...and after mile 3, I just sort of fell into a groove. Most of the race from mile 3 on was a blur. At least until we rolled through downtown Speedway, Indiana. I knew I had to be getting close to Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the one section of the race I have looked forward to since before I began my weight loss journey, the one reason this race was firmly planted on my bucket list), since we started passing both the Dallara Indy Car Factory and the one driver (now owner) who I've looked up to, especially during my teenage years as she ran laps around IMS, Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing's new facility.

...and then off in to the distance, the turn 1 grandstand opened up, along with the famed IMS Pagoda.

I could tell I was getting giddy. I wasn't nervous, I was excited, almost spastic to be honest, as I started to speed up.

As we made the turn on to 16th Street to head towards IMS, I knew we were getting close. I know how to get to the track; I've been there a dozen times for various things, but even as the tunnel entrance came in to view, I almost couldn't stand it.

I still have chills thinking about making the 2 1/2 mile lap around the track, but even more so, from seeing the grandstand and front stretch open up as I ran out of turn 4 and on to the straightaway. Pit entrance greeted me as the Pagoda was firmly planted on my left, with the scoring pylon lit up as it is throughout the month of May.

As I approached the yard of bricks (hence the nickname "Brickyard"), I made my way to the left, where most were kneeling down to stop, kiss the bricks, take a photo opp if they so chose, then continued on. I did just that (without the photo opp). It was the dirtiest, but one of the best kisses a motorsports fan could ask for. ...and the whole time, the only thing I could think of was, "if these walls could talk."

As soon as I crossed the bricks, I had 5.1 miles to go. (Side note: I love how the start/finish line at IMS is one of the mile markers. Kind of nerdy, but kind of neat!)

The last 3-4 miles were pretty uneventful as well, winding back through some more questionable neighborhoods I ran through on my way out to IMS, but as I approached downtown, I knew I had to be getting close. I could see the skyline I love so much getting closer with every step I took.

That last mile, though... Oof. I could definitely tell I started to run out of steam even though I didn't slow down and kept a good pace the entire way.

But as I approached the finish line, everything from the start of my weight loss journey, until my goal of running the Mini Marathon came full circle.

You see, one of the main reason I began my weight loss was because of my Opa. (You can read about that more in my very first blog post here.) He's also the one main reason I'm such a big motorsports fan, a fan across many spectrum and disciplines of the sport. Each year, for as long as I can remember, I've found myself at his place on Memorial Weekend, and even though we're "blacked out" living in Indiana, and not able to watch the Indianapolis 500 live, we take it old school. We listed to the race live via FM radio, crowded around the kitchen table, jumping when a wreck happens, cheering when our favorite driver or "driver of choice" wins such a prestigious race. It's something I'll certainly remember for the rest of my life.

...and as I approached the finish line of the Mini Marathon, I heard the same broadcast I heard sitting around my Opa's kitchen table years back, listening to Michael Andretti battling it out for 1 and 2 in the closing laps of the Indianapolis 500. It's all I heard over my earbuds. I crossed the finish line thinking of my Opa, not the race I just ran, with chills going down my spine.

Everything over the past four years came full circle. 

As soon as I paused the run, grabbed my medal, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed to the Runners' Services exit, I found Mr. K peeking out from behind a few other folks waiting for friends to arrive.

I grabbed him, hugged him, and cried.

Everything just came pouring out.

After gathering myself, I checked my phone. I had sooooooo many notifications, so many text messages (and a missed call from my momma) from friends who had been tracking me via website every time I hit a split. That was another really cool moment. Friends had posted to my Facebook wall cheering me on, encouraging me as I crossed the 5K split, and telling me to keep going after crossing the bricks. I am truly blessed to have each and every person in my life, and the outpouring of support and encouragement from Saturday is truly amazing and humbling.

To each and every one of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(I do want to apologize to friends for not getting back to you while I was running. As a general rule, I ignore my phone when I'm out on runs and Saturday was no different, tuning out the world to de-stress, and usually just pay attention to two things: cars and calls.)

I called Dave, a local radio DJ, runner, and a very, very helpful seasoned veteran of the Indy Mini, and now someone I look up to for running-motiviation and inspiration, to meet up with him, as he wanted to get a picture with me post-race and check on how it went. Aside from totally forgetting to take a picture with him (we both blame it on the lack of sugar in our bodies), I had the opportunity to congratulate him for making the 500 Club. That is an awesome accomplishment, and I'm so proud of you Dave! I told you that you would rock it!

All in all, it was an awesome weekend, and aside from a touch of stomach flu hitting me about two hours after the race was over going in to recovery mode (and the fact I told Mr. K never again twenty-two times), I had an absolute blast!

Would I do it again? Yes! While I'm not sure I'll train again for a half marathon during a semester, I do want to do it again. Just not for a while. You know how a couple puts almost all of their time and energy in to a wedding to only crash and burn shortly after, because the wedding and not the actual marriage was all they thought about? That's kind of how I feel... I'm kind of at the "what now?" point.

I do plan to continue running, I'm certainly not stopping, but I think, at least for the rest of this year, I'll continue to run 5K's, as I have a bit of fun with them! I want to improve my minute per mile time, but I'm not focusing on just that. I also want to get back to lifting weights, improving my tone, and building muscle to become stronger.

...and I also want to continue the "City by Shoes" trends. You can look for that some time after Memorial Weekend. Let's just say, this will be one of the very first years I won't be in Indiana for the Indianapolis 500... :)

Mini Marathon Update

You can track me! If you haven't already downloaded the app, beginning race morning, you can go to http://www.500festival.com/mini-marathon/results and click on '2014 Mini-Marathon Results' to follow along! Just enter my name or bib number (26446), and when I cross each of 4 splits throughout the course, my timing will update.

I hope you can tune in to check out my progress! My wave's gun fires at 8:45a, and my hope is to be finished by 11:30a, with a time of about 2:45ish. But, again, I just hope to finish. And kiss some bricks. ;)

Also, per usual, I'll have updates through my Twitter account, @AshleyK199!

Stay tuned!