Confessing

I haven’t worked out in almost six weeks. Six freaking weeks…and I can’t stand it any longer.

Just remember, when I say no workout, I mean NOTHING. Not a thing. Hardly any activity and it’s really started to wear on me. This knee thing is a total buzzkill. And I’m a stressy-edgy-mentally-defeated mess; I won’t lie.

I’ve also lost all motivation. I’ve told myself I can’t do this anymore the past few weeks, but with school and other things going on, it’s been hard, and I still haven’t done anything.

Rewind to this weekend: cookies were in house. Cookies in my house are a bad, bad, bad thing. I’m kind of the person with my diet that if it’s out of sight, out of mind, I won’t eat it. I still struggle daily, but I’ve found meal pre-planning is one of the best things I’ve done, and learned how to better myself with during my weight loss journey. What’s even better? After two weeks, it became habit. When I’m tracking breakfast and packing my lunch to this day, dinner is entered ahead of time, (portions and all) and I stick to it. But with cookies in the house and me finding myself in holiday baking-marathon-stupors, crap is in my house. Sweets are in my house. And it’s not looking good.

Bottom line from this weekend? I gained three pounds.

I’m sure you’re asking, “Ash, you’ve lost 110. What the hell does three pounds matter?”

Well, the three pounds don’t. (Ok, who am I kidding? Yes, they do, and it pisses me off seeing the inflated number on the scale.) But I’m sure there is a bit of water weight included in those three pounds. I didn’t eat that many calories over my daily limit. It’s the non-activity.

I’m losing definition in my legs I saw with running consistently, my cardio for going up stairs sucks, and I just feel HUGE. Like, planet Earth, huge. 

Even after 110 pounds lost, I still have those days, but lately they’ve become all-to-frequent. I can’t escape them, but I can do something about them.

Since I am facing surgery, it’d probably be wise to start working out again, getting into the groove so that when I can move and can run again, that motivation is there, and it will be easy. At least I hope. (Duh, Ash. You should’ve thought about that weeks ago.) I’ve got less than three weeks until, and I’m losing ground each day I’m not doing something. I need to keep my leg muscles built to aid in rehab and therapy, which will also help me bounce back MUCH quicker. At least that’s the goal.

Since I haven’t done much, building the motivation and getting into the habit of working out regularly again will take a bit of grit, but I do have a plan! I’m not going to sit here and wallow in my misery while staring at fit people and plans on Pinterest when I could be up doing something. If I want to make a change for the better, I am the only one that can do that.

I’ve created a two-week on-paper journal of each day’s workout to pre-plan with. If it’s out there and already planned for, I tend to stick to it better, much like meal planning. I’ve got a few things I can do that are low impact and won’t affect my knee negatively pre-surgery. I can walk on the treadmill most days without pain, I just can’t run with impact. Also, yoga. I’ve wanted to stretch and become stronger, and Yoga is wonderful and virtually no impact. I’ve also looked into kettlebell or some weight training to tone, which I’ve wanted to do for a while anyway, but whatever I do, it’s got to be better than nothing. Nothing right now sucks!

So, starting Friday or Saturday, I will work to see what I can do to implement low-impact something into my regimen. It’s going to take work, but after two weeks, a new habit will form!