Hearing 'No'

It stinks, I'll admit it. No one wants to hear 'no,' but at times, one must persevere. Press on. Don't look back.

Remember when I submitted my weight loss story to Shape Magazine for consideration of participation in a roundtable discussion with other women who've lost more than 100 pounds? You can read about the initial contact here.

I hadn't typed out or wrote down my feelings regarding a follow up I received because honestly, I wasn't sure how to feel.

Rejection stinks. Even if I've come this far. But I'm not bitter, not mad, not really anything. Now, I'm just kind of feeling, "Oh, well." Onward!

Recently, a few weeks ago (yes, I've been sitting on it for this long), I finally heard an update after a back-and-forth digital conversation with an editor of the magazine, that my weight loss story wasn't chosen for an upcoming roundtable discussion.

I would be lying if I said it didn't take the "wind from my sails." It stinks a bit, and I (unfortunately) let my mind wander to where my hopes were up, one thing I regret and wish I didn't do. But ultimately, that's who I am. I'm a person who hopes for the best possible outcome, while worrying obsessively preparing for the absolute worst. But, in addition, I'm also someone who looks for the positivity in everything, a "silver lining," if you will, regardless of outcome.

Sure, it would've been kind of cool, but it just wasn't meant to be.

Though it stinks, what surprised me in the days following was that I didn't consume myself with negative thoughts or "eating my feelings." In the past, I would've medicated my sorrow with everything sweet, looking for a way to ease the discomfort and rejection, ultimately making things a bit more uncomfortable by way of my waistline. Instead, I channeled what I felt in to my 10K and strength training - allowing me to "burn" my emotions instead of eating them. What a change (and relief) that was!

It felt good. It was a "Non Scale Victory" in my book - one that I'm glad I didn't let rule me for too long.

The outpouring of support after helped as well. Seeing the Facebook posts of support from friends, those that say I've inspired them, that was cool. It was refreshing, and a bit humbling. To those who have, thank you. (I can't ever say that enough!)

But as Mr. K reminded me, I didn't do this for recognition. (Which is very, very true. Something I guess I lost focus on?) And this isn't the end of the world, either. I'm not "depending" on it.

Yeah, it would've been kind of cool to see my story out there, but that's not why I started this journey. I started it for my own health and well-being. To have kids some day. So I live to see 80. So I live to see my niece and nephew grow up, graduate, and raise a family of their own (and hopefully someday - see an unborn child of my own follow those steps, though not right now).

Sure, there have been some side-benefits of my weight loss I hadn't expected: self-esteem, a needed confidence boost, inner- and outer-strength I never thought I had (or would have developed), a bit of kick in the pants mental-toughness (thank you, Mini Marathon), and the fact that I've grown comfortable with who I am while discovering someone "different" under all of those pounds shed. It's bittersweet, this news, but - this too shall pass.

Of course, I'm still dealing with a bit of weight gain, and the timing wasn't exactly the greatest. The weight gain has been somewhat aggravating, but at the same time, I'm starting to see that it may be a "good gain." I'm starting to see muscles. :)

I've recently discovered I have a bicep. I'll spare you the picture of my "guns," but it's fun to see definition show up in a mirror, and that I notice it! I'm kind of getting a little enjoyment out of it, as I've mentioned before, I don't typically notice the weight loss or definition gains, as I see myself everyday. But.... I. Have. A. Bicep. I've also started noticing my obliques are appearing. (Those are both new concepts!)

While I see the weight creeping up on the scale (six pounds in total), my measurements haven't increased (they haven't decreased either), and my pants are still fitting fine (depending on the brand/pair). For me, that's a concept I'm still struggling with accepting, as a number on the scale has defined my journey over physical/muscular gains. It's something I'm working on. Again - work in progress ;)

In addition to strength training, I'm in the next to last week of 10K training. (Woohoo!) Though I'm reaching the point I'm a bit over "training" and having discipline/burnout struggles, I'm excited to see where this 10K will take me. I'm running in the ISC Corporate Challenge again this year for my employer, opting for the 10K run over a 5K run and walk. The ISC Corporate Challenge has also changed venues, one that I've had the lovely pleasure of running twice before, once during my half marathon. (Hint, hint!)

The goals I have for the challenge are simple: enjoy the scenery (duh!), and beat my previous 10K time of 1:11:57 (or 11:18/mile). Easy, right? Meh - we'll see. Both were during cooler "weathered" events, and it might be a bit interesting. What else may be interesting? I'm not sure if the run is before or after (if I'm chosen for the team - still pending) I pit an Indy Car.

We'll leave the ISC Corporate Challenge at that... For now... ;)

In additition to the ISC Corporate Challenge, I hope to continue my City By Shoes series, this time in Asheville, NC! The hubby and I (my better half, Mr. K!) are planning to travel some time soon to the mountains for our (holy schmoly where did time go?!) 5 year anniversary, and we're both looking for a needed-getaway. Of course I'm planning to pack my running shoes, as the resort we are staying at not only offers a health spa/fitness center that appears to be wonderful, but also a "mountainous" trail for guests. But what I'm most excited about? The city is active-friendly, and there are sidewalks abound all the way in to downtown from our resort! Yay! No road running! (For those runners who may freak reading this, I live in the sticks. Running on a country road is normal. Don't fret!)

...and to help boost my mood (trust me, it has been much-needed), I decided to sign up for the 100 days of Happy Challenge, and you should too! So far, I've made it to Day 2, but what's eerie (or just another message from God?) is that my 100 days ends....on Christmas. How cool is that? You can follow my #100DaysofHappy challenge on my Instagram page: instagram.com/AshleyK199.

If you join in, post your information in the comment section below! I'd love to follow your 100 Days of Happy too! :)

A Battle Within

I'm not going to lie, I've been struggling a bit lately when it comes to body image, the number on the scale, and what I see in the mirror. I have days where I feel absolutely fantastic about myself, proud of what I've accomplished, days I don't really think about it, and days where I'm still ashamed of the flab/loose skin/stretch marks/cellulite that still exists, negative voices secretly whispering in my mind to rip the mirror off of the wall. I see the fitness models and images I gain inspiration from through Instagram/Twitter/Facebook that help keep the "drive alive" when it comes to getting fitter/better/faster/stronger/leaner each day, but some days it makes me even more ashamed of who I am. Some days I crave to look like a beast; other days I realize I don't want to put that much time in each day at the gym because, to put it bluntly, I have a life. I have husband and a four-legged child I adore and love, a full-time job, a part-time "job," another part-time job, a school life, and somewhere in the middle, a social life too. I love to travel, I love to spend time with family, and I love to be myself. But some days, my thoughts can get lost or convoluted...

To be honest, even if I have lost 110+ lbs., even if I lost a "baby horse," a person, whatever you want to justify it with, I still have days where I find myself feeling awful about the way I look.

...as you may or may not have read in my last post, I started weight training. Though I had thinned out and was able to "run" off quite a bit of weight/mass, I didn't have much muscle tone throughout my upper body and midsection. I wanted to change this so, after the Mini Marathon, I decided to back off my miles to something manageable for me, 8-9 miles/week average, or run at least 3 times a week, 1/2 hour at a time, with two days (at least) of strength training.

So far, strength training has blessed me with what appears to be obliques and a line running between my bicep and deltoid on my upper arm. (Side note: I squealed like a little girl the same as when I found my jawline or collar bone for the first time.) I do monitor my measurements more, but what I've found most difficult to deal with is the fact I've gained back about five pounds according to that pesky number on the scale.

I'm sure you're thinking, "big whoop, Ash. You've lost a metric crap-ton of weight." Well, for me, it's just like buffets. It's a slippery slope; a slope I don't want to have to climb back up. With buffets, or an abundance of food available, I have a hard time managing how much I eat. I'll keep eating until the point of sickness, especially with sweets. If I get around food, my mind honestly turns to mush. I'm like a zombie searching for brains to feast (and I will tackle someone standing between me and cake).
I have a very difficult time saying no, and give in to temptation way too easily.

...and I eat irrationally with emotions during difficult times.

Seeing the number on the screen creep back up has caused me to crack down, taking myself out of a difficult "food" situation, and trying to track every single thing I put in my mouth. And even though I've been focusing on it, with weight training, I've slowly watched my weight creep up the scale still. Now, of course you hear "muscle weighs more than fat." I don't necessarily think that's true. Sure, muscle is much more dense than fat, however one pound of fat is one pound of muscle. It's just a difference in mass & size.

I track calories every day using My Fitness Pal. It's easy, you can scan UPC barcodes for nutrition information, and set goals, whether it's nutrition or exercise levels.

Typically, I limit myself to 1400 calories/day, however I bend here and there every once in a while for a splurge. I try to limit them as much as possible, and eat as "clean" as I can, but I'm only human. Lately though, I feel as if I haven't been eating enough, or that my body is going in to "starvation mode." I've been gaining where I should be losing, in that I haven't been "eating back" calories burnt while running or working out, and only going over my daily calorie limit here and there, in hopes of losing that pesky five pounds I've put back on.

Plateaus can go kick rocks.

After speaking with a few "weight loss"  buddies, friends, and a family member who also is a fantastic Zumba/Spin/Piyo instructor and personal trainer, I've decided to bump up my calories a few, to 1600 a day at least to see where it gets me. Maybe it's that I need to eat more to lose? It is possible afterall, and is a common weight loss myth.

...but just eating more calories doesn't mean you will eat more to lose, you have to eat more of the right things.

 ...and you have to persevere.

:)

My, My How Time Flies

....where did you go, Summer? I miss you already and you've technically not left us yet?!

I can't believe it's been months since I've last blogged, and I feel awful for it. I'm sorry guys! This is me, waiving "Hi!" I'm still here... ;)

Summer has been super busy, but shall we catch up?

To answer some folks' questions, yes I'm still running! No, not as much as I did when training for the Indy Mini Marathon, but I am still running. Currently, I've began to train for a 10K race, representing my employer at the ISC Corporate Challenge again this year, only stepping it up a notch. (Side note: I also signed up for the pit stop challenge. #becauseracecar) They've switched venues from IUPUI to Indianapolis Motor Speedway, and my fingers are crossed I'll be able to kiss some bricks for a third (yes, third) time. We'll see! But I needed a goal anyway, as I've recently started losing sight, or just plain getting lazy. I'm currently running an average of 8 to 9 miles per week, three times a week, which is just enough to make me happy and "run off the day," (if I'm feeling it. Enter laziness. No bueno).
 

"Running off the day" is great. Except this day. It was disgusting.

I've started toning and lifting weights, or at least continued it. (Be gone, jiggle!) I am in LUUUUURVE with PopSugar's workouts, either by using kettlebells, dumbells, or just the ol' fashioned body weight. So far, my arms are starting to show definition and I think I have obliques? I am still frustrated with stubborn belly fat, and the saddlebags I can't seem to eradicate, but as I always say, I'm a work in progress. This couldn't be more true with strength training.

In addition to both running and strength training, I've saddled up on the bicycle again, logging miles through cross training. I once read that runners are the most injured, yet still going, athletes out there.  The bike has been able to give some aches and pains I had after the half marathon a break, and a chance to recover. In biking, I've rediscovered my hatred for wind.

I lived to tell about this ride.

Switching gears, Boston was absolutely incredible, despite my displeasure with a certain airline. Thanks to said airline, I missed the majority of my planned sightseeing, and the opportunity to continue my "City By Shoes" series. I saw the "city by shoes," however it was with my grey Converse, not my black and pink Brooks Ghost 6 like I had hoped. Argh. But here are a few of my highlights:

MiniAsh tagged along. Here we are, waiting impatiently to take off from Dayton.

This is me, delayed in Dulles, VA.

I survived navigating the "T." This country girl rocked Friday's commute!

Quack!

Acorn Street: The most photographic street in Boston.

From the Green Monstah.

I can't wait to get back to the city. I fell in love with Fenway and the Red Sox (sorry, Mr. K!), witnessed whales playing, feeding, and breaching (a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this landlocked-by-corn farm-girl), and ate some of the best (grilled) seafood I've had...ever. But the most important and memorable experience was catching up with my friend Robin - one of my greatest supporters in my weightloss journey, the reason I'm finally comfortable enough to "act like a girl" and buy dresses (and prefer shopping for them), and someone I miss. We shared the delectable Mike's Pastry goodies in honor of her belated birthday, and her and her hubby took me to a gorgeous arboretum and farm nearby their home. It was absolutely wonderful, and again, I can't thank her enough for "taking me in" for the weekend. I honestly can't wait to get back and see her.

This summer, I also completed an internship that I truly "lived the dream." Motorsports, and hockey are both something I'm strongly passionate about, and I had an amazing opportunity to observe and learn processes, procedures, and "behind the scenes" work that goes in to a sport I hope to some day work in. We'll see, but you never know where dreams could take you... I've discovered that with this weight loss journey.

 
My niece/mini-me turned five. She is also officially a Kindergartener. She's still a fighter, and still one of my biggest inspirations, and has truly taught me what it means to be a warrior. She can stop growing up now.

Can you handle the cuteness here?

...and with that, come August 25, I'll go back in to "education hibernation mode." I hope to continue blogging more even though my semesterly duties will pick up, and I've been working on a blog that I think will be quite a bit of fun! It just takes some time, research, and for me to sit down and just "get 'er done."

I'll also be traveling this Fall; at least one more trip is planned with Mr. K come October. We'll be celebrate our five year anniversary, and we both thought we needed to get out of town for a bit. I'm super, super excited to plan our vacation, and where we're going, but I'm not going to reveal anything just yet! I hope to have a "City (or resort?) By Shoes," adventure again, though I promise this one is going to hurt. I've ran hills, but not these hills.

"You'll never know if you don't try."

...I know, mom. And I only hope you're proud of me for living through your quote. I wouldn't be here in my journey if this isn't what you said when I told you I decided to lose weight. :)

I wasn't actually planning to submit anything when I first saw Brooke from Brooke Not On A Diet's retweet this morning of Shape Magazine's call for women to submit their weight loss stories.

Would you like to be featured in the magazine with @babnotonadiet​? Send your story to youinshape@shape.com.
— Shape Magazine (@Shape_Magazine) May 9, 2014

I'm a little uneasy with the fact that I may or may not have to pose in a bikini. Do I hope to some day? Yes. Confidently? Double yes.

...but Brooke has inspired me; inspired me enough to run in just a sports bra and running shorts last night, loose skin, nerves, and all. I'm sure it'll be the talk of church come Sunday, that I was out running in "next to nothing," but honestly - my husband was ok with it. (As curt as it sounds - his opinion is really the only one I care about when it comes to something like this. Wow. I really am growing up, huh? Ha!)

But as one of my favorite persons of all time and a favorite blogger too, Dacia over at My Roots To Grow, mentioned this morning in her blog post, I'm not really out for the promotion of my blog, or to "sell" my story. I honestly don't have much time to promote my blog as much as I would love to, with working full-time, racing stuff on weekends, and school mixed in. However, I do want to share my story so that others can be inspired. That's the only reason why I chose to even form this blog to begin with, much less submit something to Shape.

...and the fact that I'm still petrified to rock a bikini, gulp, in public, freeeeeeeeeaks me out. But I have several folks who have already said they will go bikini shopping with me if needed. I can't even begin to thank each and everyone I'm surrounded by, who continue to give me support and encouraging words either personally or via social media.

So, without further adieu, here's what I submitted to Shape, along with the photos I attached, in response to the above tweet:

 
For me, when I set out on my "weight loss journey" about four years ago, I didn't plan to lose triple digits - 116+ pounds total now - I just wanted to be healthy (NOT skinny). Cardiac health issues run deep in my family, and I've watched my Opa (German for grandfather) go through at the time 4, now 5, heart attacks, all due to poor diet in the past. Throw in personal insecurities, bullying trauma and virtually no self esteem left over from high school (and the fact I couldn't wear fashions I wanted to as a young twenty-something because I had to shop in the "older lady section" of a department store) I knew something had to change. It was just time. On my wedding day in October 2009, I tipped the scale at 250 lbs., morbidly obese but in denial. About 6 months after I married my husband, I knew something had to change, and I joined a national weight loss program, only setting a goal to see where losing 25 pounds would get me. Never did I ever imagine that it would lead to my healthy lifestyle change. I've chronicled the good, bad, and ugly through my blog attheemotionalride.blogspot.com, covering all things from the highs of completing my first half marathon last month after taking up running last summer, to the struggles I still deal with in the dressing room mirror at the mall, and everything in between in hopes to inspire.

The past four years are very hard to summarize in just one email, especially the feelings I have battled and triumphed over, while only hoping to inspire others to make a change for themselves, and for the better, while also bettering my body for having kids some day in the future. I knew that if I wanted to have children, to prevent a high risk issue, something also needed to change. My husband and my mother have been my rock the entire way, cheering me on or holding me while I cry and let go of feelings from the past. What the four years have given me is enough confidence and drive to accomplish what I love, including my first ever half marathon in Indianapolis. I'm truly, finally happy, while also "finding myself" in the process.

Though I've reached and surpassed my goal of losing 100 pounds, my journey continues everyday with my struggles of food, but also toning and continuing to maintain what I've worked for. It's a lifelong journey, not a "quick fix."

Thank you for taking time to read my, albeit short, summary of my weight loss journey. I have attached some pictures showing the progress I've made.

My Before vs. After/Current Progress - approx 115 lbs difference.

I can usually count the seconds it takes someone visiting my office to either, A) double-take, B) ask if that's my sister (nope, I have a brother), C) ask how much weight I've lost, or D) all of the above.

 

For the first time in my life, inspired by Brooke, I bared midriff while running in just a sports bra & shorts. It was both nerve-wrecking AND freeing.

Completing my first half marathon, not expecting to ever have the opportunity when adding it to my bucket list, tipping the scales at 250 lbs. But I did.

                                                                                                                                                                 

Do I honestly think something is going to come of this? No, honestly I don't. I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there that have better reasons than me, have a more interesting "hook" than my story does when deciding to take their life in their own hands to make a change for the better, and definitely deserve the praise and recognition. 

But regardless, for all of the love and support I've been given, thank you. For those who've said I'm a warrior, an inspiration, a driving force, or a reason to decide to lose weight or change their lifestyle, that humbles me incredibly, because I never ever thought I'd get this far, much less influence or inspire someone. 

I truly thank each and every person in my life for allowing me to accomplish this.

Currently...

I've been stalking reading Dacia's blog 'My Roots to Grow' again, and she's giving me another awesome idea for a blog post! I love her post Currently, borrowed from another blog I've started reading, Fit and Free with Emily.

So here it goes!

Thinking

It's finally May, my favorite month of the year to be a Hoosier. The Indianapolis 500 is a holiday much like Christmas in the motorsports world, and it's almost here! I've been watching the sports coverage on local news outlets obsessively, following the drivers I love and cheer for on Twitter, Instragram, and others, showcasing our wonderful state capitol, and the love of such a historic event they have, as much as I do.

For as long as I can remember, I've been mesmerized by my Opa's stories of the "good ole days" of Mario, A.J., Al and several others from the days he worked at Indianapolis Motor Speedway, skipping out on work at a local grocery store as a butcher to compete in the annual chili cook off with Ma Unser or spending long days and longer nights hanging around the garage area while the world's best race car drivers compete for the Borg Warner trophy and a kiss of the bricks. He's the reason I'm such a huge racing enthusiast.

Also, the weather has finally turned, and I'm finally able to get back to the dirt track. Bring on summer!

Feeling

Relieved. My Spring semester is over, and I survived Statistics with an A (along with an A+ in Business & Society). I still have my 4.0 GPA. Highly thankful for that!

Watching

The NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs, of course! However, I've slacked a bit since Washington is tumultuous, and the Columbus Blue Jackets were eliminated by the Pittsburgh Penguins... but what a series that was!

Excited

...for my upcoming trip to the east coast! It won't technically be my first visit there, however a layover in the Newark, NJ airport doesn't count, so it'll be my first "overnight" stay, and I plan to take full advantage of the four days I have in Boston, Mass. I alluded to not being in Indiana for the first time since I can remember during Memorial/Race weekend for the Indianapolis 500, and Boston is where I will be! I'm heading out to spend a few days within downtown Boston, then taking the train west of the city to visit a special friend. I can't wait to see you Robin!

Side note: In talking with a coworker who grew up in the city, I shared my amazement that I could take a "water taxi" from the ferry dock at Boston Logan across the harbor to Long Wharf as opposed to the T, or subway for us out-of-towners. It'd give me a welcoming view of the Boston skyline, and I opted for this, as I felt it was a great introduction to the city! He proceeded to give me a look of amazement before busting out laughing. All I could think to say was, "we don't have boat taxis in Indiana, much less a subway system."

Missing

Thunder & Lightning, as my Opa preciously refers to my two favorite hoodlums. I'm really missing my niece and nephew and I can't wait to see them again soon. They always know how to make their aunt laugh!

In talking with my mom on the phone last night, she shared with me she waited for my nephew to get off of the bus from school the other day, and while they were swinging in the backyard, he out of the blue asked how I was:

"Mamaw Jill, how's Aunt Ashley?"

"She's doing really good buddy, her and Uncle (Mr. K)."

"Well, that's good."

"Do you remember seeing all of those runners on the TV last weekend?"

"Yes, Mamaw Jill, I do."

"Your Aunt Ashley was there. She ran that day with ALL of those other runners!"

"What was her number?!"

"Your Aunt Ashley's number was 26446." "Wow, Mamaw Jill, that's so cool!" (This made me cry while smiling. I miss that boy!)

Reading

...a book that finally isn't considered "required reading material." Thank goodness for summer break! I just sat down to start Janet Guthrie's biography:

Wondering

What tomorrow will bring! I plan to run for the first time since the half marathon, as I decided to just take a week off to recover, especially after the stomach flu/Satan's wrath of a recovery I had, and that it lingered for a few days this week. I'll be running a local 5k to benefit a local horse stable that offers therapeutic riding and lessons.

Working

It's that time of year again at my in-law's farm, and Mr. K has been hard at work preparing the fields for #Plant14. This year, we're drilling soybeans (again, I think...), and the field has been tilled, weeds sprayed, and now we wait a week until the actual "drilling" begins. It's not much land compared to some local farmers, but I see how much Mr. K enjoys himself when he's on the tractor. I also love riding along when I get the chance, either on the fenderwell of the Farmall while tilling, or scrunched up in the cab while planting. I didn't grow up on a farm, but yet in a small town where agriculture is still a huge part of life for many. I was a proud 4-H'er, my twin showing hogs while in high school and helping with them, but I have such a huge appreciation for what farmers do. It's their livelihood. Simple as this: We farm. You eat. And I appreciate Mr. K and my father-in-law's patience when I ask the dumbest questions ;)

Stressed

...when am I not? Next section...

Proud

I'm so proud of my "Mini Me," my niece Kaylyn. My niece is on this Earth all because of a lifesaving heart surgery at four days old under the care of Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. The days after she was born were some of the longest days of my life, not knowing how she was or how she would be affected later in life by a congenital heart defect. At first, it was something we thought could've been fixed somewhere during the first six months of her life (no biggie). That didn't exactly happen, but because of that surgery, and her awesome cardiologist and his team, I get to see her grow in to the young woman she's rapidly becoming. Quickly. (And I don't like that!) This week, she had her yearly check up, and she's all-clear! The doctor is ecstatic with her progress, and I'm so dang proud of her. (...and proud that she's picking up on my love of motorsports. My corruption is working!)

Wanting

Ice Cream. Ugh.

Wishing

...I could call up my mother in law to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.

This week has been incredibly hard on Mr. K and I, as my mother in law would've celebrated both her birthday and Mother's Day this week. Instead, we reflected, celebrated the time we had with her, and shed many tears. This weekend is going to be brutal, and I only wish I could just pop over to the farm while Mr. K's in the field, to hang out with her in the kitchen. But I can't.

Eating

...waaaaaaaay too many damn sweets. I've been on a bit of a Pinterest tear, and my sweet tooth has been craving overtime. It's something that's always a work in progress to tone down, but I'm going in to next week with the goal of limiting my sugar intake. It's really getting out of control.

Drinking

Mucho water. Ever since the Mini Marathon/Stomach Flu/Satan's Recovery Wrath, I've been super thirsty, and I've been drinking plenty of needed water. Also, trying to curb cravings, but clearly we see how that's working...

Loving

Brantley Gilbert. Sorry Mr. K! I've recently found myself on the verge of obsession with songs off of his soon to be released album, including "My Baby's Guns and Roses," and this one:

"...that girl from Indiana sure was pretty..."

His and Hers

My coworker suggested I write about, as...in her words, "it's too funny not to."...but I'm going to spare you with the details (and humorous marriage story, for sake of Mr. K).

As with any marriage, you have his and you have hers. It could be the "pile of beauty crap" I have on my shelf in the bathroom versus his one stick of deodorant, razor, toothbrush, and toothpaste on his. It could be my car preference versus his truck. He doesn't run. He thinks I'm crazy (though I'm sure I am) for running, but I love it. He likes to relax on vacation, I like to explore. He's relaxed and watches the world go by, allowing negativity to roll off of his back; I dig in deep to ensure I'm enjoying said world, while also being slightly OCD about it.

...but "His and Hers" also applies to our food. We have two very different tastes when it comes to our palates, but I always say, "opposites attract." He's a meat and potatoes guy with no interest in "foliage" or "greenery," while in my weight loss journey, I can't get enough of lean meats, fruits, and veggies (but with a vicious sweet-tooth). There have been several times I've thought to myself, "Wow. His and hers meals, huh?"

Tonight's big debate for dinner? Pizza. Specifically a particular company's offering; one slice compares to the amount of calories I consume in one meal. Usually when I know we're getting pizza, I try to buffer it with a HUGE salad first, so I can enjoy a slice or two rather than inhale an entire pie. However, said company doesn't offer a side salad, and "salad" in my refrigerator is nonexistent until I grocery shop tomorrow. Dilemma.

I'll be perfectly honest, all I want to do is eat the entire pizza. I know I won't stop if I don't have that buffer; I've had that problem before, and I have that problem when going to buffets (it's why I avoid them at all costs if I can), as I try to control portion at all costs. I have a horrible issue with 'portion distortion,' even after four-plus years of weight loss, but I try to combat it with measuring foods, dividing them out, using a food scale, and planning my meal-day ahead, as I usually stick to goals easier that way.

But, but.... Pizza. It's my favorite.

As I've said before, I'm a firm believer in moderation over deprivation. If you cut something completely out of your diet you enjoy, you will crave it at one time or another. I promise you that. And there are times where one should just enjoy themselves, enjoy the moment, and throw calorie-caution to the wind. But after the Mini Marathon, my diet has slacked and I've really tried to clean things up this week to no avail. My sweet tooth (and Pinterest recipe ideas) strike again!

...and poor Mr. K - he's in the line of fire. All he wants is this certain kind of pizza, it's been a while since we've had it, but since they don't offer any side salads or additional foods that aren't 1,000 calories a slice, I'm struggling, and he heard about it. (To which I'm very sorry and feel absolutely horrible in the way it was delivered to Mr. K. He pushed for pizza, resulting in me panicking over pizza-hoarding desperation. I don't trust myself with food, but really Ash? Suck it up and let him have the damn pizza.)

...but as with anything I eat, I adapt. I'm currently planning on still ordering said pizza, but sticking to what I know - loading my half of that bad boy down with nothing but veggies (light on the cheese), and limiting myself to what I can have. I'm also planning to stop by the grocery to pick up a prepackaged side salad to eat as my buffer.

For me, I know preplanning works best, especially in situations like this, as know Mr. K likes what he likes (despite my insistence on giving some things a try, or others the boot; poor guy), so an extra side trip it is!

How do you adapt or handle this situation? Comment below, and share with me and others your stories, issues, or situations, and most importantly - how you adapt to challenging food situations. I'd definitely love to hear your ideas!

OneAmerica 500 Festival Indianapolis Mini Marathon Race Recap

There's so much I want to say about this past Saturday's half marathon, my first, but I'm not sure where to start or even really how to put everything in words.

I'm not sore, nor was I at really any point after the race aside from what felt like a shin splint in my right leg and the tendon I tweaked a few weeks ago just letting me know it was still there. But nothing hurt. That's it. That's the only soreness I had from 13.1 miles of sheer enjoyment.

The race was amazing, much more than I ever expected. ...but first, let me back up, as I've got two days of Indy-goodness to talk about!

I decided to take the entire day off from work on Friday so that I could rest, get a last minute chiropractic adjustment, clean the house, prep myself for what's about to happen, calm my nerves (or so I thought), and just "chill." Mr. K came home from work, and off to Indy we went!

We decided to go straight downtown to the Indiana Convention Center instead of checking in to the hotel first, to check out the expo and pick up my race packet. What I didn't expect were the nerves and the flood of apprehension that poured over me as we drove in and parked. It was as if it were a bit of panic. (Other runners, is this normal for your first big race?)

After I picked up my packet, we decided to head to the hotel, grab some dinner, come back and just chill. As I unpacked my race clothes to pin my number on my shirt ahead of time, the flood of panic hit me. I forgot to pack a sports bra. (Insert: Facepalm.)

I knew I laid it out with my outfit. I had everything laid out a few days ahead of time just so I didn't wear what I wanted to wear on Saturday during my last training run Thursday. I seriously thought it was the end of the world, and poor Mr. K heard it all... Luckily, in deciding to stay outside of downtown, Target was just down the road! So after we were back from dinner, after I already threw on PJs to chill for the rest of the evening, we made a mad dash down the road, again, so I can buy a last minute, ahem, necessity.

Getting up Saturday morning, I was nervous. I didn't sleep well the night before, even if everything I've read suggests a runner should do otherwise. I was too anxious, too excited, and too giddy, but also apprehensive approaching race day.

We grabbed breakfast at the hotel, loaded up, and headed downtown. We arrived early, right before the start of the first wave at 7:45, and just kind of hung out until my wave at 8:45. It was brisk, and I made sure to keep a light jacket over a long sleeve shirt, over my tee shirt, with shedding each layer to get accustomed the closer to the start.

At this point, I want to thank Mr. K for all that he did for me Saturday. He's a trooper. He stood in the cold with me, held all of my crap, waited on me for over 2 1/2 hours after I started running (that doesn't include before or after the actual race), and dealt with a long line of other spectators wanting to get breakfast at Panera after ducking away from Steak N Shake as the line was down the block. Poor guy. And just for the record, he doesn't do cities very much either folks, all while trying to understand why I'm crazy enough to run 13.1 miles with 33,000+ other runners. I truly have a fabulous and amazing husband.

...shortly before the fun began, I met these two guys, as they started the race basically beside me as our wave took off. One was named Kyle, unfortunately I didn't grab the gentleman's name to the right of this picture, but they are two soldiers who completed 13.1 miles of craziness with their military boots on their feet and their gear packs weighed down, as they were prepping for a training exercise here in a few weeks. All I could do was thank them, in addition to explaining to them how much of rockstars they truly are. I'm still in awe of them, and if I ever get the chance to, I will buy them a beer for both their service to their country (and the reason I can run free), while also for their accomplishment at the Mini. It was truly incredible. (Thanks for the inspiration guys!)

As we started the race heading west of downtown, I'm not going sugarcoat it, but we ran through some questionable neighborhoods that I wouldn't normally run or drive through alone. During daylight. It was really set up nice though, all along the course, as there was plenty of entertainment, plenty of action, plenty of water stops, and plenty of people-watching to keep me entertained in addition to my newly loaded playlist.

...and after mile 3, I just sort of fell into a groove. Most of the race from mile 3 on was a blur. At least until we rolled through downtown Speedway, Indiana. I knew I had to be getting close to Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the one section of the race I have looked forward to since before I began my weight loss journey, the one reason this race was firmly planted on my bucket list), since we started passing both the Dallara Indy Car Factory and the one driver (now owner) who I've looked up to, especially during my teenage years as she ran laps around IMS, Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing's new facility.

...and then off in to the distance, the turn 1 grandstand opened up, along with the famed IMS Pagoda.

I could tell I was getting giddy. I wasn't nervous, I was excited, almost spastic to be honest, as I started to speed up.

As we made the turn on to 16th Street to head towards IMS, I knew we were getting close. I know how to get to the track; I've been there a dozen times for various things, but even as the tunnel entrance came in to view, I almost couldn't stand it.

I still have chills thinking about making the 2 1/2 mile lap around the track, but even more so, from seeing the grandstand and front stretch open up as I ran out of turn 4 and on to the straightaway. Pit entrance greeted me as the Pagoda was firmly planted on my left, with the scoring pylon lit up as it is throughout the month of May.

As I approached the yard of bricks (hence the nickname "Brickyard"), I made my way to the left, where most were kneeling down to stop, kiss the bricks, take a photo opp if they so chose, then continued on. I did just that (without the photo opp). It was the dirtiest, but one of the best kisses a motorsports fan could ask for. ...and the whole time, the only thing I could think of was, "if these walls could talk."

As soon as I crossed the bricks, I had 5.1 miles to go. (Side note: I love how the start/finish line at IMS is one of the mile markers. Kind of nerdy, but kind of neat!)

The last 3-4 miles were pretty uneventful as well, winding back through some more questionable neighborhoods I ran through on my way out to IMS, but as I approached downtown, I knew I had to be getting close. I could see the skyline I love so much getting closer with every step I took.

That last mile, though... Oof. I could definitely tell I started to run out of steam even though I didn't slow down and kept a good pace the entire way.

But as I approached the finish line, everything from the start of my weight loss journey, until my goal of running the Mini Marathon came full circle.

You see, one of the main reason I began my weight loss was because of my Opa. (You can read about that more in my very first blog post here.) He's also the one main reason I'm such a big motorsports fan, a fan across many spectrum and disciplines of the sport. Each year, for as long as I can remember, I've found myself at his place on Memorial Weekend, and even though we're "blacked out" living in Indiana, and not able to watch the Indianapolis 500 live, we take it old school. We listed to the race live via FM radio, crowded around the kitchen table, jumping when a wreck happens, cheering when our favorite driver or "driver of choice" wins such a prestigious race. It's something I'll certainly remember for the rest of my life.

...and as I approached the finish line of the Mini Marathon, I heard the same broadcast I heard sitting around my Opa's kitchen table years back, listening to Michael Andretti battling it out for 1 and 2 in the closing laps of the Indianapolis 500. It's all I heard over my earbuds. I crossed the finish line thinking of my Opa, not the race I just ran, with chills going down my spine.

Everything over the past four years came full circle. 

As soon as I paused the run, grabbed my medal, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed to the Runners' Services exit, I found Mr. K peeking out from behind a few other folks waiting for friends to arrive.

I grabbed him, hugged him, and cried.

Everything just came pouring out.

After gathering myself, I checked my phone. I had sooooooo many notifications, so many text messages (and a missed call from my momma) from friends who had been tracking me via website every time I hit a split. That was another really cool moment. Friends had posted to my Facebook wall cheering me on, encouraging me as I crossed the 5K split, and telling me to keep going after crossing the bricks. I am truly blessed to have each and every person in my life, and the outpouring of support and encouragement from Saturday is truly amazing and humbling.

To each and every one of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(I do want to apologize to friends for not getting back to you while I was running. As a general rule, I ignore my phone when I'm out on runs and Saturday was no different, tuning out the world to de-stress, and usually just pay attention to two things: cars and calls.)

I called Dave, a local radio DJ, runner, and a very, very helpful seasoned veteran of the Indy Mini, and now someone I look up to for running-motiviation and inspiration, to meet up with him, as he wanted to get a picture with me post-race and check on how it went. Aside from totally forgetting to take a picture with him (we both blame it on the lack of sugar in our bodies), I had the opportunity to congratulate him for making the 500 Club. That is an awesome accomplishment, and I'm so proud of you Dave! I told you that you would rock it!

All in all, it was an awesome weekend, and aside from a touch of stomach flu hitting me about two hours after the race was over going in to recovery mode (and the fact I told Mr. K never again twenty-two times), I had an absolute blast!

Would I do it again? Yes! While I'm not sure I'll train again for a half marathon during a semester, I do want to do it again. Just not for a while. You know how a couple puts almost all of their time and energy in to a wedding to only crash and burn shortly after, because the wedding and not the actual marriage was all they thought about? That's kind of how I feel... I'm kind of at the "what now?" point.

I do plan to continue running, I'm certainly not stopping, but I think, at least for the rest of this year, I'll continue to run 5K's, as I have a bit of fun with them! I want to improve my minute per mile time, but I'm not focusing on just that. I also want to get back to lifting weights, improving my tone, and building muscle to become stronger.

...and I also want to continue the "City by Shoes" trends. You can look for that some time after Memorial Weekend. Let's just say, this will be one of the very first years I won't be in Indiana for the Indianapolis 500... :)

Mini Marathon Update

You can track me! If you haven't already downloaded the app, beginning race morning, you can go to http://www.500festival.com/mini-marathon/results and click on '2014 Mini-Marathon Results' to follow along! Just enter my name or bib number (26446), and when I cross each of 4 splits throughout the course, my timing will update.

I hope you can tune in to check out my progress! My wave's gun fires at 8:45a, and my hope is to be finished by 11:30a, with a time of about 2:45ish. But, again, I just hope to finish. And kiss some bricks. ;)

Also, per usual, I'll have updates through my Twitter account, @AshleyK199!

Stay tuned!

It's Go Time!

Where have the last 22 days gone? Or the last few months of training for that matter?! I can’t believe it’s race-week already for my first half marathon, the OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon in Indianapolis.

Am I’m ready? Mentally, I’m actually better than I thought I’d be this week. I haven’t been super nervous, and as I picked up more race fuel yesterday I felt like I could tackle the world. But physically? No, I’m not ready. I haven’t been able to complete the plan according to schedule without a break for injury, but I’m as close as I can be and I won’t back down.

Through tapering and playing around with mileage, I’ve been able to run at least 9 miles during a long run, maintaining at least 12:00 min/mi, sometimes 12:30, however I’ve found I’m exhausted after 9. My legs were not happy with me Sunday, but I’ve bounced back much quicker than I thought I would, which gives me hope. No soreness today! We can chalk it up to chocolate milk, right? (By the way – yummiest recovery I’ve ever had! I WILL be chugging it after the race.)

I’ve nailed down my nutrition plan for my first half marathon using gummy chews either from Honey Stinger (thanks for the tip, Mark!), or the CLIF Shot Blocks. I’ve found GU’s or gels in general are the nastiest thing I have ever ate, and though they do not make me feel nauseous, they are warmed up with body heat in my belt. If I had them ice-cold or cool, I could probably choke them down, however I’m just not a fan. Another bonus with the Honey Stingers? The chews give me something to “chew” on, keeping me busy during at least a portion of the run. I plan to fuel up around the 4^th mile, as I find I fade around 6 or 7 if I don’t, as well as probably around 8, and then again around 11 if I’m feeling zapped to give me a needed boost to get to the finish line.

I’m a little worried about hydration personally, though there will be plenty of water and Gatorade, or “Pit Stops” as they named in true racing fashion, stationed along the route about every mile. I just need to make sure I swing by, and keeping drinking so I don’t get dehydrated. You can see them in the course map below:

If you aren’t exactly familiar with the map above, here’s a handy video from 2012, showing the course I’ll be running on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB6uQfNXJ3s&feature=youtu.be

The OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon, or the “Mini” as it’s called, is the nation’s largest half marathon, with it being the 7^th largest running event in the United States. Just as it’s sang to kick off the Indianapolis 500 every year, “Back Home Again in Indiana” will be performed before the first gun sounds. Kicking off my favorite month to be a Hoosier, the Mini Marathon is kind of the first “event” in a month-long celebration of our proud racing heritage. It makes me giddy just thinking I’ll be a part of it this year!

You’ll also be able to track me on the course while I’m running using the new app created for the Mini Marathon! More info located here:

http://www.500festival.com/RunnerTracking

You can find me by my bib number (26446), and each time I cross one of the 4 splits (one being the famed yard of bricks at Indianapolis Motor Speedway!), my timing will update through the app. (Though I’m not too concerned with time. Let me be clear. See my goals below.) Of course, I’ll have plenty of pictures through my Twitter account, too! I’ve enlisted Mr. K for his fab photography skills. (Inside joke.) Make sure to follow me @AshleyK199 :)

The race officially begins at 7:45a, with Wave 1 of runners taking off at 7:48a. Me, being the super-fast, agile, elite runner (hint: sarcasm) that I am, I’m bringing up the back of the pack. I purposely over-estimated my start time at 13:00 min/mi, placing me in Corral W, or the 5^th and final wave of the race. I’m due in my corral by 8:30a, however I’m sure I’ll be there much sooner, too excited and nervous for words. Wave 5’s start time is 8:45a, with the last runner or walker due in by 12:48p at the finish.

I plan to (no brainer) stop to kiss the ever-famous yard of bricks at Indianapolis Motor Speedway, however my fear is that when I do I will, A.) break cadence, (it happened Saturday with a “pit stop” and I had a hard time finding my groove for the last half of my 9-miler), B.) not be able to get back up, or C.) both.

My goals for the day are pretty plain and simple for someone running their first half-marathon, with the exception of the last:

1. Finish. (Preferably in under 3 hours, but I’m not pressuring myself on timing. I just want to finish.)

2. Don’t die. (I have a friend who is a nurse working the medical tent for the race. I love you Erin but no offense, I don’t want to see you Saturday. I know you will understand!)

3. Stay off the trail bus. (The trail bus runs at 18:00 min/mi, gathering up those who either are too slow of set timing regulations or those who cannot finish the race, in order to clear the course to resume normal traffic operations after the Mini in Indianapolis.)

4. Pucker up, butter cup! We’re kissing bricks! ;)

I’m going to need all of the luck and determination I can get to get through this. It’s not an easy feat, but I’m excited none the less. The course is packed with more than 80 bands and forms of entertainment, as well as a spirit competition occurring at the same time, with several cheer squads from high schools across the state. I’ve been told (shoutout and many thanks to@DJDaveSnow) to make sure my ear buds are out of my ears before I enter Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Bagpipers, yeah!

In the end, I’ll have a shiny new medal to adorn my beautiful plaque on my wall that says, “Celebrate every mile,” given to me by a dear friend (I still miss you Robin!) before she moved.

In addition to the medal, I’ll get a free beer, chocolate milk, plenty more freebies, a lap around the beautiful IMS (on foot), and the dirtiest kiss I’ve ever had plus a post-race party; but it’s much more than just material things I can touch or hold. It’s the sense of accomplishment, knowing that my drive and determination have paid off, that I can proudly say I went from 250 lbs to a half-marathoner in less than five years, and the fact that I can do anything I put my mind to. That means much more to me than you’ll ever know…

Blogger’s Note: I want to thank Mr. K himself for being my rock of support through training; the laughing about “coming to Jesus meetings” and “pit stops,” holding me while I’ve cried over a knee injury or foot issue. He mentioned last night how proud of me, and that all I could do was apologize for being so stubborn and “determined.” It’s what makes our marriage tick, I suppose?