Going "Au Naturale"

...and before you think I'm going to bare anything, stop right there. Nooooooooo way will that happen. Not with me.

As I've said before, I'm currently training for my second half marathon, in addition to the Ragnar Relay Cape Cod. (...while in school, searching for an internship, working full-time, working part-time. I do sleep. I swear it.) But in my recovery experience from my first half marathon (AKA: 'Satan's Wrath'), and the fact I'm starting my longer runs that span over an hour, I've started to research and scope out a refueling plan. This is the fun part, at least I think so, since I get to eat!

...and yes, on long runs, runners get to eat. It's a 1/3 part relief, 1/3 part prevention of bonking or "hitting the wall," and 1/3 part chaotic coordination and realization of not having enough hands.

For the Mini, and even in my maintenance (lately, weight-gain) phase, or "continuation of living," I've been trying to introduce and focus on increasing more natural foods and minimal-ingredient choices in my diet. Well, it's worked as I feel better physically, however I've gained about 9 of my 115 pound loss back, in addition to an inch on my waist. It's frustrating me currently (a pain in my ass and thorn in my side), especially when I've been trying to focus on watching what I eat. In that same breath, I'm also trying to focus on being happy, eating a cupcake if I I want it, though after working hard for it (through running, workouts, etc.). Oh, the conundrum.

(Translation: I want to eat THE ENTIRE PAN OF BROWNIES and not gain an ounce. Funny how that hasn't worked.)

In my quest for mid-run fuel, I'm hoping to go the 'au naturale' route, or at least natural or more raw foods to help sustain me, versus using goops, gels, chomps, etc. I didn't have the best experience with what I used last year, though I believe I was rather dehydrated and not replacing fluids as one should. To put it mildly - I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. (Also: I'm a dumbass. When they say don't change up your routine on race day, don't change up on your race day. Rookie mistake.)

I've thrown around a few options, including supplements from a nutrition store, using chews or gummy blocks to get me through again this year, but I want to avoid processed sugars, manufactured ingredients, etc. Thankfully, I've found a few options or ideas for "natural" fuel through Runner's World and...

...Pinterest.

All truth.

I'm not only looking for 'Hey Girl' memes, folks. (But this one did make me laugh... Just passing on a smile, and Ryan Gosling. *Swoon.* You're welcome.)

Uh. Yes.

I'm totally digressing, here.

Typically, if you're only working out for an hour-ish or shorter (75 minutes per Runner's World), replacing "fuel in your tank" isn't needed until after; however, since I'll be pounding out 13.1 for over two hours (goal: sub-2:30 and laying a wet-one on the famed "yard of bricks"), I will need something. Last year, I refueled around mile 9 to push me through, after completing my lap around the track, and it seemed to be the boost I needed.

...but in my quest for suggestions to give a more natural fuel source a shot, I've found a good article on Greatist outlining options other than just the "typical" choices.

Wait.

Gummy Bears?! Twizzlers?! Mini-marshmallows like my mom used to buy for hot chocolate?!

I like training. Training's fun!

Now, before I get my hopes up, I'm not planning to opt for those, though I have considered throwing a gummy bear or two in my "fuel tank" for reward. On the list, though, is dried fruit. It didn't smack me in the face that I could use dried fruit, as it's low in protein and fiber, until last night. (Fellow runners will understand the importance - there is nothing worse than having a ticked off tummy, running toward the nearest port-o-let, not the finish line. I'll spare the rest.)

What I'm in search of is something like dried fruit - fuel that's low in protein, low in fiber, high in carbohydrates (since that's what your body is using to run for so long - it's suggested for every hour running, you should replace 30-60g of carbohydrates), with some sodium included, (you sweat out salt, too) but lower in calories. Dried fruit isn't the best in calories or sugars, but after running for 2 1/2 hours, that isn't really my concern; completion, survival, success and quick recovery is my concern.

While visiting my mom last night back home briefly, we were discussing her latest finds at Trader Joe's, one of her favorite stores. One of her if only I could sneak them out purchases was dried apricots. I LOVE dried apricots, and used to eat them quite frequently as a kid.

(Please note: I've tried using pitted dates before to run with, but dates are not my favorite dried fruit, nor are they easy to handle during a run. Hands get sticky, they stick to my teeth, it's just not pleasant. I want something "pleasant.")

While scoping out her score, I flipped the package of dried apricots over, and...

Would ya look at that?

Just the nutrition I was looking for to get me through!

In a choice of dried fruit, between apricots, mango or pineapple, apricots win, but I would mind mixing all three in to individual servings for race day. They sell dried fruit at our local bulk foods-Amish market (it's THE best to visit if you are ever in the area), so it's easily attainable and dividable. And consumable. ;)

Dried fruit is super portable in a ziploc, something I can carry in my belt during my half in May, or in throw in to my carry on for my trip to Boston the week after. I already like to throw them in a bag with almonds or other yummy ingredients, stashing them in a pocket or backpack when I head to the race track.

Easy. Peasy.

What hasn't been easy? Maintenance.

One can easily look at the MyFitnessPal weight loss counter up to the right on the page and see I'm no longer at 115 pounds down. In recent weeks, I've really struggled, especially today after stepping on the scale to see a number I had not expected. That's why you're getting memes and GIFs for this post. (I'm secretly trying to brighten my day with humor. I'll surf the humor board on Pinterest after this for a quick laugh.)

I haven't been able to find a "happy medium" - that magic number of calories burned versus calories consumed to maintain a constant weight. I've gained 9 pounds since October, and I'm starting to get frustrated in that I haven't been able to stay consistent, even if I've kept my caloric intake on most days around 1500-1600. *Exception here or there on run days for rewards. I'm definitely not eating over 3500 calories per week.



Nothing has worked.

I've buckled down on measuring food, cut calories consumed thinking I'm eating too much, increased calories consumed thinking maybe I'm not eating enough. The only thing I haven't done is work out more, as I'm already tapped as it is with half training/running. For a few months, strength training was involved, so I just blamed the gain on "muscle weight," however in the past few weeks, I've slipped off a bit, only running three times per week. But 9 pounds?! I'm not sitting here eating Ben & Jerry's for dinner like I used to.

Bottom line: I just want to find that happy balance of activity and food consumed. I want to have a good relationship with food, and to live. I haven't, and in the process, I feel like I'm failing, even if that's truly not the case. The weight is going back on just as fast as it came off; I'm going in the wrong direction.

Whoever said maintenance was harder than the actual weight loss was easier than maintenance (to which I had mocked them saying, 'Yeah, right.') - you nailed it. I'm sorry I even questioned it.

But in the search of that happy medium, I have a new toy. My loving husband knew how badly I wanted the Fitbit Charge HR, an activity band that not only calculates calories burned, steps taken, stairs climbed, etc. - this one includes a heart rate monitor to more accurately track what I burn in activity. I wanted something I could wear daily, an activity tracker that can better assist me in maintaining health, yet push me to be better. So far, so good, however it's pointed out how sedentary my work day really is.

So in this, I'm throwing every idea in the book, including increasing activity or scheduling an appointment with my doctor to see what my next course of action should be. I'm also considering seeing a nutritionist to help out, and to help me find that balance of happy with food.

In the meantime, positive vibes are much appreciated. I'll keep plugging away as I always do. I'm so very thankful I'm even able to be on this journey. Many are far less fortunate than I am in whatever may be going on in their lives, I'm lucky and know that I am blessed for this experience.

If I could just be blessed with a bit more patience... (Don't laugh Mr. K.)

Mind Games

First of all, I hope you had a fabulous and happy Independence Day (and that you still have all 10 of your digits left)! ;) It's a long weekend for me, as I took Friday off from work, and so far, despite a few rain drops, it's been wonderful!

Now the not-so-fun part...

I think I'm reaching a crossroads, one that has sort of snuck up on me. I hadn't fully expected to reach this point, even if it has been 3 years, where in order to lose more weight, I have to start toning and building muscle to burn the fat. In turn, I may lose more inches than pounds, but would start to shape and sculpt loose skin, among other things. As much as I hate to admit this, this was the portion of my journey I really wasn't looking forward to; I'm not an iron-pumping kind of girl. I'm more apt to be throwing bales of straw down from a hay mou, and loading bags of seed from the truck to the planter with my husband. (And quite honestly, I'm super intimidated and fearful of a gym for obvious reasons many folks face.)

When starting Couch to 5k, I honestly thought the weight would just fall right off; that my 4-pounds-to-go to hit my healthy weight range and personal goal would fast approach. I was finally becoming more active than I had been previously, as I hadn't been focusing on working out but more of my diet at the time. It would finally be that moment that what I thought would be the near-end to my journey, that it was finally over in a way. The end of one chapter, and the starting of a new...

(It also meant that once I reached 150, I could finally cut my hair and donate it to a child in need, and also get that much-anticipated me-to-me gift of a Brooks Laich jersey before next hockey season...)

Well... Guess what?

As I've previously wrote before, I'm facing my second plateau, one that's definitely testing my willpower, determination, and motivation. Instead of losing the remaining 4 pounds, I've gained 2 within the past month. (Regrettably, I haven't taken measurements during this journey, and I can't really report any changes in inches, just pounds. That has changed, though, thanks to MyFitnessPal's measurements feature.)

You're probably thinking, "Seriously Ash?! Two pounds? You're stressing over two pounds?"

Well, yeah, I am. Yes, I'm totally aware that I have lost 95 pounds, that I'm much better off than where I was 3 years ago, that I feel better, feel more energetic, and I just feel healthier and happier than previous. I have that confidence and self-esteem that I needed to gain, knowing that I can do this. But when you're down to the wire, you see that light at the end of the tunnel, you're counting ounces instead of pounds, it starts to matter, and wear on a person. And it really plays serious mind games.

I'm trying really hard not to stress it. I've been able to reach out to a few people in my circle of friends that have said this is totally normal. I did slightly expect to plateau around 5 pounds to go, but not like this, and certainly not to gain weight. I've had my moments this week with it, notably a sleepless night or two with a few tears; all certainly adding up to more stress and perhaps keeping the weight on, not helping to take it off.

It is highly possible that yes, I am in fact gaining muscle, as it's been said many times to me this week, "Muscle weighs more than fat." I am fully aware of that. I have noticed that my hips and belly have started to thin, that my legs are a little leaner, but through this journey, I've said it before that I haven't really noticed much difference in the mirror. I see myself every day. It's the scale where I see results.

I've been so weight-number focused for the past 3 years, adjusting my thinking is going to be difficult. Obviously the scale can't accurately portray where I've come from and how I'm doing now. I'm so impatient that I usually don't notice results in the mirror, but eventually I will. At least, I hope.

For now, I'm going to chug along. My eating habits have been as good as they've ever been. I haven't given in to too many temptations that present themselves, and when I did have that cookie, it was tracked, and it certainly wasn't every day. I'm already much further than I was a month ago in that aspect, let alone over the course of 3 years.

About a week ago, I adjusted my calorie intake from 1,330 to 1,550 per day, plus what I get from running or working out in hopes to lose again. That roughly shifts from losing 1 pound per week to 1/2 per week. It just could be that I wasn't getting enough nutrition and calories needed, as my body is working harder and now needs more to burn fat. I can already tell a difference in feeling better, so at least there's that, right?

Eventually this extra weight has to go somewhere. After all, at 175 I didn't think I could lose any more and here I am sitting mid-150's.

I'm hoping to shift my thinking, as this is a life-long journey, not just to arrive at a certain "weight" number and then stop. As I said earlier, I'm already more active than I've ever been, running for solid 1/2 hour increments, gaining much more distance and stamina over the past 7 weeks of C25K than I've ever ran in my entire life. That's progress, its just on a different scale! ;)

...and as reminder/PSA:

(Special shout-out and HUGE thank you to Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat. for all of the wonderful advice and listening to my rants, complaints, and plain ol' bitching with my plateau. You truly are an amazing person, and I am so thankful I have been able to get to know you through social media. You are truly an inspiration to me! I can't thank you enough!)

The Gain

There is nothing more disheartening, nothing more of a blow to your motivation and self-esteem than a weight gain, and I am experiencing that right now. This isn't my first rodeo, but it still sucks.

I weighed in last week at 180.6. This week? 183.4. I thought I was on the right track by losing (finally) and was hoping to hit the 170's again soon. No go, apparently; my body thought differently.

I can sit here and fill this blog with excuses, (I know the possible reason) but I can't let that damage me and knock me even further off track. I cheated. I cheat a lot. (Confession time.)

It stinks because I'm going the opposite way than I want to be. I hit 175 at my lowest weight, and I've wanted to get back there and maintain it ever since I gained to about 185+. The whole goal is to get to 150, if I can. I'm losing hope, not weight.

I know each week I may maintain or even gain, and that I can't be perfect. Even those who have shed more than me will tell you you can't always be perfect. And to help curb cravings, you have to have an iron clad will to want to beat them.

Food temptations are everywhere. The birthday cake at a friend's party, the office cookies or cupcakes that always seem to be sat down right behind you, the ice cream shop down the street, vending machines, or the simple "going out" meal. All are temptations to blow it. But if you have the right tools and research, as well as determination, and are able to "just say no," you're well on your way!

But you also have to pick yourself back up when it's not the best of times. That's where I come back in. I have a huge problem with just saying no. I think, "one won't hurt." (Ever hear that from friends too? Yeah, me too.) But one can add up if you do not track it or count it, and I cheat, a lot. It's where the majority of my problems gaining come in. But for both you and I, you have to make sure you have a positive mind about this!

A Weight Watcher Leader once told me, "This is not where you fail or jump off. It's feedback from your body. You have not failed."

Just because one week isn't the greatest or "perfect," you have to recover. My Oma asked me when I first started the plan, "You do realize this is for life, not just temporary?"

So if you're like me, this isn't  temporary. This is for life, and if you need a little motivation, think of it this way: You didn't gain overnight, so it won't come off overnight. It's ok if you stumble a week or two. It isn't the greatest, but you must pick yourself back up!

Stay positive, it's feedback. For. Life. :)