Going "Au Naturale"

...and before you think I'm going to bare anything, stop right there. Nooooooooo way will that happen. Not with me.

As I've said before, I'm currently training for my second half marathon, in addition to the Ragnar Relay Cape Cod. (...while in school, searching for an internship, working full-time, working part-time. I do sleep. I swear it.) But in my recovery experience from my first half marathon (AKA: 'Satan's Wrath'), and the fact I'm starting my longer runs that span over an hour, I've started to research and scope out a refueling plan. This is the fun part, at least I think so, since I get to eat!

...and yes, on long runs, runners get to eat. It's a 1/3 part relief, 1/3 part prevention of bonking or "hitting the wall," and 1/3 part chaotic coordination and realization of not having enough hands.

For the Mini, and even in my maintenance (lately, weight-gain) phase, or "continuation of living," I've been trying to introduce and focus on increasing more natural foods and minimal-ingredient choices in my diet. Well, it's worked as I feel better physically, however I've gained about 9 of my 115 pound loss back, in addition to an inch on my waist. It's frustrating me currently (a pain in my ass and thorn in my side), especially when I've been trying to focus on watching what I eat. In that same breath, I'm also trying to focus on being happy, eating a cupcake if I I want it, though after working hard for it (through running, workouts, etc.). Oh, the conundrum.

(Translation: I want to eat THE ENTIRE PAN OF BROWNIES and not gain an ounce. Funny how that hasn't worked.)

In my quest for mid-run fuel, I'm hoping to go the 'au naturale' route, or at least natural or more raw foods to help sustain me, versus using goops, gels, chomps, etc. I didn't have the best experience with what I used last year, though I believe I was rather dehydrated and not replacing fluids as one should. To put it mildly - I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. (Also: I'm a dumbass. When they say don't change up your routine on race day, don't change up on your race day. Rookie mistake.)

I've thrown around a few options, including supplements from a nutrition store, using chews or gummy blocks to get me through again this year, but I want to avoid processed sugars, manufactured ingredients, etc. Thankfully, I've found a few options or ideas for "natural" fuel through Runner's World and...

...Pinterest.

All truth.

I'm not only looking for 'Hey Girl' memes, folks. (But this one did make me laugh... Just passing on a smile, and Ryan Gosling. *Swoon.* You're welcome.)

Uh. Yes.

I'm totally digressing, here.

Typically, if you're only working out for an hour-ish or shorter (75 minutes per Runner's World), replacing "fuel in your tank" isn't needed until after; however, since I'll be pounding out 13.1 for over two hours (goal: sub-2:30 and laying a wet-one on the famed "yard of bricks"), I will need something. Last year, I refueled around mile 9 to push me through, after completing my lap around the track, and it seemed to be the boost I needed.

...but in my quest for suggestions to give a more natural fuel source a shot, I've found a good article on Greatist outlining options other than just the "typical" choices.

Wait.

Gummy Bears?! Twizzlers?! Mini-marshmallows like my mom used to buy for hot chocolate?!

I like training. Training's fun!

Now, before I get my hopes up, I'm not planning to opt for those, though I have considered throwing a gummy bear or two in my "fuel tank" for reward. On the list, though, is dried fruit. It didn't smack me in the face that I could use dried fruit, as it's low in protein and fiber, until last night. (Fellow runners will understand the importance - there is nothing worse than having a ticked off tummy, running toward the nearest port-o-let, not the finish line. I'll spare the rest.)

What I'm in search of is something like dried fruit - fuel that's low in protein, low in fiber, high in carbohydrates (since that's what your body is using to run for so long - it's suggested for every hour running, you should replace 30-60g of carbohydrates), with some sodium included, (you sweat out salt, too) but lower in calories. Dried fruit isn't the best in calories or sugars, but after running for 2 1/2 hours, that isn't really my concern; completion, survival, success and quick recovery is my concern.

While visiting my mom last night back home briefly, we were discussing her latest finds at Trader Joe's, one of her favorite stores. One of her if only I could sneak them out purchases was dried apricots. I LOVE dried apricots, and used to eat them quite frequently as a kid.

(Please note: I've tried using pitted dates before to run with, but dates are not my favorite dried fruit, nor are they easy to handle during a run. Hands get sticky, they stick to my teeth, it's just not pleasant. I want something "pleasant.")

While scoping out her score, I flipped the package of dried apricots over, and...

Would ya look at that?

Just the nutrition I was looking for to get me through!

In a choice of dried fruit, between apricots, mango or pineapple, apricots win, but I would mind mixing all three in to individual servings for race day. They sell dried fruit at our local bulk foods-Amish market (it's THE best to visit if you are ever in the area), so it's easily attainable and dividable. And consumable. ;)

Dried fruit is super portable in a ziploc, something I can carry in my belt during my half in May, or in throw in to my carry on for my trip to Boston the week after. I already like to throw them in a bag with almonds or other yummy ingredients, stashing them in a pocket or backpack when I head to the race track.

Easy. Peasy.

What hasn't been easy? Maintenance.

One can easily look at the MyFitnessPal weight loss counter up to the right on the page and see I'm no longer at 115 pounds down. In recent weeks, I've really struggled, especially today after stepping on the scale to see a number I had not expected. That's why you're getting memes and GIFs for this post. (I'm secretly trying to brighten my day with humor. I'll surf the humor board on Pinterest after this for a quick laugh.)

I haven't been able to find a "happy medium" - that magic number of calories burned versus calories consumed to maintain a constant weight. I've gained 9 pounds since October, and I'm starting to get frustrated in that I haven't been able to stay consistent, even if I've kept my caloric intake on most days around 1500-1600. *Exception here or there on run days for rewards. I'm definitely not eating over 3500 calories per week.



Nothing has worked.

I've buckled down on measuring food, cut calories consumed thinking I'm eating too much, increased calories consumed thinking maybe I'm not eating enough. The only thing I haven't done is work out more, as I'm already tapped as it is with half training/running. For a few months, strength training was involved, so I just blamed the gain on "muscle weight," however in the past few weeks, I've slipped off a bit, only running three times per week. But 9 pounds?! I'm not sitting here eating Ben & Jerry's for dinner like I used to.

Bottom line: I just want to find that happy balance of activity and food consumed. I want to have a good relationship with food, and to live. I haven't, and in the process, I feel like I'm failing, even if that's truly not the case. The weight is going back on just as fast as it came off; I'm going in the wrong direction.

Whoever said maintenance was harder than the actual weight loss was easier than maintenance (to which I had mocked them saying, 'Yeah, right.') - you nailed it. I'm sorry I even questioned it.

But in the search of that happy medium, I have a new toy. My loving husband knew how badly I wanted the Fitbit Charge HR, an activity band that not only calculates calories burned, steps taken, stairs climbed, etc. - this one includes a heart rate monitor to more accurately track what I burn in activity. I wanted something I could wear daily, an activity tracker that can better assist me in maintaining health, yet push me to be better. So far, so good, however it's pointed out how sedentary my work day really is.

So in this, I'm throwing every idea in the book, including increasing activity or scheduling an appointment with my doctor to see what my next course of action should be. I'm also considering seeing a nutritionist to help out, and to help me find that balance of happy with food.

In the meantime, positive vibes are much appreciated. I'll keep plugging away as I always do. I'm so very thankful I'm even able to be on this journey. Many are far less fortunate than I am in whatever may be going on in their lives, I'm lucky and know that I am blessed for this experience.

If I could just be blessed with a bit more patience... (Don't laugh Mr. K.)

A Battle Within

I'm not going to lie, I've been struggling a bit lately when it comes to body image, the number on the scale, and what I see in the mirror. I have days where I feel absolutely fantastic about myself, proud of what I've accomplished, days I don't really think about it, and days where I'm still ashamed of the flab/loose skin/stretch marks/cellulite that still exists, negative voices secretly whispering in my mind to rip the mirror off of the wall. I see the fitness models and images I gain inspiration from through Instagram/Twitter/Facebook that help keep the "drive alive" when it comes to getting fitter/better/faster/stronger/leaner each day, but some days it makes me even more ashamed of who I am. Some days I crave to look like a beast; other days I realize I don't want to put that much time in each day at the gym because, to put it bluntly, I have a life. I have husband and a four-legged child I adore and love, a full-time job, a part-time "job," another part-time job, a school life, and somewhere in the middle, a social life too. I love to travel, I love to spend time with family, and I love to be myself. But some days, my thoughts can get lost or convoluted...

To be honest, even if I have lost 110+ lbs., even if I lost a "baby horse," a person, whatever you want to justify it with, I still have days where I find myself feeling awful about the way I look.

...as you may or may not have read in my last post, I started weight training. Though I had thinned out and was able to "run" off quite a bit of weight/mass, I didn't have much muscle tone throughout my upper body and midsection. I wanted to change this so, after the Mini Marathon, I decided to back off my miles to something manageable for me, 8-9 miles/week average, or run at least 3 times a week, 1/2 hour at a time, with two days (at least) of strength training.

So far, strength training has blessed me with what appears to be obliques and a line running between my bicep and deltoid on my upper arm. (Side note: I squealed like a little girl the same as when I found my jawline or collar bone for the first time.) I do monitor my measurements more, but what I've found most difficult to deal with is the fact I've gained back about five pounds according to that pesky number on the scale.

I'm sure you're thinking, "big whoop, Ash. You've lost a metric crap-ton of weight." Well, for me, it's just like buffets. It's a slippery slope; a slope I don't want to have to climb back up. With buffets, or an abundance of food available, I have a hard time managing how much I eat. I'll keep eating until the point of sickness, especially with sweets. If I get around food, my mind honestly turns to mush. I'm like a zombie searching for brains to feast (and I will tackle someone standing between me and cake).
I have a very difficult time saying no, and give in to temptation way too easily.

...and I eat irrationally with emotions during difficult times.

Seeing the number on the screen creep back up has caused me to crack down, taking myself out of a difficult "food" situation, and trying to track every single thing I put in my mouth. And even though I've been focusing on it, with weight training, I've slowly watched my weight creep up the scale still. Now, of course you hear "muscle weighs more than fat." I don't necessarily think that's true. Sure, muscle is much more dense than fat, however one pound of fat is one pound of muscle. It's just a difference in mass & size.

I track calories every day using My Fitness Pal. It's easy, you can scan UPC barcodes for nutrition information, and set goals, whether it's nutrition or exercise levels.

Typically, I limit myself to 1400 calories/day, however I bend here and there every once in a while for a splurge. I try to limit them as much as possible, and eat as "clean" as I can, but I'm only human. Lately though, I feel as if I haven't been eating enough, or that my body is going in to "starvation mode." I've been gaining where I should be losing, in that I haven't been "eating back" calories burnt while running or working out, and only going over my daily calorie limit here and there, in hopes of losing that pesky five pounds I've put back on.

Plateaus can go kick rocks.

After speaking with a few "weight loss"  buddies, friends, and a family member who also is a fantastic Zumba/Spin/Piyo instructor and personal trainer, I've decided to bump up my calories a few, to 1600 a day at least to see where it gets me. Maybe it's that I need to eat more to lose? It is possible afterall, and is a common weight loss myth.

...but just eating more calories doesn't mean you will eat more to lose, you have to eat more of the right things.

 ...and you have to persevere.

:)

"You'll never know if you don't try."

...I know, mom. And I only hope you're proud of me for living through your quote. I wouldn't be here in my journey if this isn't what you said when I told you I decided to lose weight. :)

I wasn't actually planning to submit anything when I first saw Brooke from Brooke Not On A Diet's retweet this morning of Shape Magazine's call for women to submit their weight loss stories.

Would you like to be featured in the magazine with @babnotonadiet​? Send your story to youinshape@shape.com.
— Shape Magazine (@Shape_Magazine) May 9, 2014

I'm a little uneasy with the fact that I may or may not have to pose in a bikini. Do I hope to some day? Yes. Confidently? Double yes.

...but Brooke has inspired me; inspired me enough to run in just a sports bra and running shorts last night, loose skin, nerves, and all. I'm sure it'll be the talk of church come Sunday, that I was out running in "next to nothing," but honestly - my husband was ok with it. (As curt as it sounds - his opinion is really the only one I care about when it comes to something like this. Wow. I really am growing up, huh? Ha!)

But as one of my favorite persons of all time and a favorite blogger too, Dacia over at My Roots To Grow, mentioned this morning in her blog post, I'm not really out for the promotion of my blog, or to "sell" my story. I honestly don't have much time to promote my blog as much as I would love to, with working full-time, racing stuff on weekends, and school mixed in. However, I do want to share my story so that others can be inspired. That's the only reason why I chose to even form this blog to begin with, much less submit something to Shape.

...and the fact that I'm still petrified to rock a bikini, gulp, in public, freeeeeeeeeaks me out. But I have several folks who have already said they will go bikini shopping with me if needed. I can't even begin to thank each and everyone I'm surrounded by, who continue to give me support and encouraging words either personally or via social media.

So, without further adieu, here's what I submitted to Shape, along with the photos I attached, in response to the above tweet:

 
For me, when I set out on my "weight loss journey" about four years ago, I didn't plan to lose triple digits - 116+ pounds total now - I just wanted to be healthy (NOT skinny). Cardiac health issues run deep in my family, and I've watched my Opa (German for grandfather) go through at the time 4, now 5, heart attacks, all due to poor diet in the past. Throw in personal insecurities, bullying trauma and virtually no self esteem left over from high school (and the fact I couldn't wear fashions I wanted to as a young twenty-something because I had to shop in the "older lady section" of a department store) I knew something had to change. It was just time. On my wedding day in October 2009, I tipped the scale at 250 lbs., morbidly obese but in denial. About 6 months after I married my husband, I knew something had to change, and I joined a national weight loss program, only setting a goal to see where losing 25 pounds would get me. Never did I ever imagine that it would lead to my healthy lifestyle change. I've chronicled the good, bad, and ugly through my blog attheemotionalride.blogspot.com, covering all things from the highs of completing my first half marathon last month after taking up running last summer, to the struggles I still deal with in the dressing room mirror at the mall, and everything in between in hopes to inspire.

The past four years are very hard to summarize in just one email, especially the feelings I have battled and triumphed over, while only hoping to inspire others to make a change for themselves, and for the better, while also bettering my body for having kids some day in the future. I knew that if I wanted to have children, to prevent a high risk issue, something also needed to change. My husband and my mother have been my rock the entire way, cheering me on or holding me while I cry and let go of feelings from the past. What the four years have given me is enough confidence and drive to accomplish what I love, including my first ever half marathon in Indianapolis. I'm truly, finally happy, while also "finding myself" in the process.

Though I've reached and surpassed my goal of losing 100 pounds, my journey continues everyday with my struggles of food, but also toning and continuing to maintain what I've worked for. It's a lifelong journey, not a "quick fix."

Thank you for taking time to read my, albeit short, summary of my weight loss journey. I have attached some pictures showing the progress I've made.

My Before vs. After/Current Progress - approx 115 lbs difference.

I can usually count the seconds it takes someone visiting my office to either, A) double-take, B) ask if that's my sister (nope, I have a brother), C) ask how much weight I've lost, or D) all of the above.

 

For the first time in my life, inspired by Brooke, I bared midriff while running in just a sports bra & shorts. It was both nerve-wrecking AND freeing.

Completing my first half marathon, not expecting to ever have the opportunity when adding it to my bucket list, tipping the scales at 250 lbs. But I did.

                                                                                                                                                                 

Do I honestly think something is going to come of this? No, honestly I don't. I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there that have better reasons than me, have a more interesting "hook" than my story does when deciding to take their life in their own hands to make a change for the better, and definitely deserve the praise and recognition. 

But regardless, for all of the love and support I've been given, thank you. For those who've said I'm a warrior, an inspiration, a driving force, or a reason to decide to lose weight or change their lifestyle, that humbles me incredibly, because I never ever thought I'd get this far, much less influence or inspire someone. 

I truly thank each and every person in my life for allowing me to accomplish this.

OneAmerica 500 Festival Indianapolis Mini Marathon Race Recap

There's so much I want to say about this past Saturday's half marathon, my first, but I'm not sure where to start or even really how to put everything in words.

I'm not sore, nor was I at really any point after the race aside from what felt like a shin splint in my right leg and the tendon I tweaked a few weeks ago just letting me know it was still there. But nothing hurt. That's it. That's the only soreness I had from 13.1 miles of sheer enjoyment.

The race was amazing, much more than I ever expected. ...but first, let me back up, as I've got two days of Indy-goodness to talk about!

I decided to take the entire day off from work on Friday so that I could rest, get a last minute chiropractic adjustment, clean the house, prep myself for what's about to happen, calm my nerves (or so I thought), and just "chill." Mr. K came home from work, and off to Indy we went!

We decided to go straight downtown to the Indiana Convention Center instead of checking in to the hotel first, to check out the expo and pick up my race packet. What I didn't expect were the nerves and the flood of apprehension that poured over me as we drove in and parked. It was as if it were a bit of panic. (Other runners, is this normal for your first big race?)

After I picked up my packet, we decided to head to the hotel, grab some dinner, come back and just chill. As I unpacked my race clothes to pin my number on my shirt ahead of time, the flood of panic hit me. I forgot to pack a sports bra. (Insert: Facepalm.)

I knew I laid it out with my outfit. I had everything laid out a few days ahead of time just so I didn't wear what I wanted to wear on Saturday during my last training run Thursday. I seriously thought it was the end of the world, and poor Mr. K heard it all... Luckily, in deciding to stay outside of downtown, Target was just down the road! So after we were back from dinner, after I already threw on PJs to chill for the rest of the evening, we made a mad dash down the road, again, so I can buy a last minute, ahem, necessity.

Getting up Saturday morning, I was nervous. I didn't sleep well the night before, even if everything I've read suggests a runner should do otherwise. I was too anxious, too excited, and too giddy, but also apprehensive approaching race day.

We grabbed breakfast at the hotel, loaded up, and headed downtown. We arrived early, right before the start of the first wave at 7:45, and just kind of hung out until my wave at 8:45. It was brisk, and I made sure to keep a light jacket over a long sleeve shirt, over my tee shirt, with shedding each layer to get accustomed the closer to the start.

At this point, I want to thank Mr. K for all that he did for me Saturday. He's a trooper. He stood in the cold with me, held all of my crap, waited on me for over 2 1/2 hours after I started running (that doesn't include before or after the actual race), and dealt with a long line of other spectators wanting to get breakfast at Panera after ducking away from Steak N Shake as the line was down the block. Poor guy. And just for the record, he doesn't do cities very much either folks, all while trying to understand why I'm crazy enough to run 13.1 miles with 33,000+ other runners. I truly have a fabulous and amazing husband.

...shortly before the fun began, I met these two guys, as they started the race basically beside me as our wave took off. One was named Kyle, unfortunately I didn't grab the gentleman's name to the right of this picture, but they are two soldiers who completed 13.1 miles of craziness with their military boots on their feet and their gear packs weighed down, as they were prepping for a training exercise here in a few weeks. All I could do was thank them, in addition to explaining to them how much of rockstars they truly are. I'm still in awe of them, and if I ever get the chance to, I will buy them a beer for both their service to their country (and the reason I can run free), while also for their accomplishment at the Mini. It was truly incredible. (Thanks for the inspiration guys!)

As we started the race heading west of downtown, I'm not going sugarcoat it, but we ran through some questionable neighborhoods that I wouldn't normally run or drive through alone. During daylight. It was really set up nice though, all along the course, as there was plenty of entertainment, plenty of action, plenty of water stops, and plenty of people-watching to keep me entertained in addition to my newly loaded playlist.

...and after mile 3, I just sort of fell into a groove. Most of the race from mile 3 on was a blur. At least until we rolled through downtown Speedway, Indiana. I knew I had to be getting close to Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the one section of the race I have looked forward to since before I began my weight loss journey, the one reason this race was firmly planted on my bucket list), since we started passing both the Dallara Indy Car Factory and the one driver (now owner) who I've looked up to, especially during my teenage years as she ran laps around IMS, Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing's new facility.

...and then off in to the distance, the turn 1 grandstand opened up, along with the famed IMS Pagoda.

I could tell I was getting giddy. I wasn't nervous, I was excited, almost spastic to be honest, as I started to speed up.

As we made the turn on to 16th Street to head towards IMS, I knew we were getting close. I know how to get to the track; I've been there a dozen times for various things, but even as the tunnel entrance came in to view, I almost couldn't stand it.

I still have chills thinking about making the 2 1/2 mile lap around the track, but even more so, from seeing the grandstand and front stretch open up as I ran out of turn 4 and on to the straightaway. Pit entrance greeted me as the Pagoda was firmly planted on my left, with the scoring pylon lit up as it is throughout the month of May.

As I approached the yard of bricks (hence the nickname "Brickyard"), I made my way to the left, where most were kneeling down to stop, kiss the bricks, take a photo opp if they so chose, then continued on. I did just that (without the photo opp). It was the dirtiest, but one of the best kisses a motorsports fan could ask for. ...and the whole time, the only thing I could think of was, "if these walls could talk."

As soon as I crossed the bricks, I had 5.1 miles to go. (Side note: I love how the start/finish line at IMS is one of the mile markers. Kind of nerdy, but kind of neat!)

The last 3-4 miles were pretty uneventful as well, winding back through some more questionable neighborhoods I ran through on my way out to IMS, but as I approached downtown, I knew I had to be getting close. I could see the skyline I love so much getting closer with every step I took.

That last mile, though... Oof. I could definitely tell I started to run out of steam even though I didn't slow down and kept a good pace the entire way.

But as I approached the finish line, everything from the start of my weight loss journey, until my goal of running the Mini Marathon came full circle.

You see, one of the main reason I began my weight loss was because of my Opa. (You can read about that more in my very first blog post here.) He's also the one main reason I'm such a big motorsports fan, a fan across many spectrum and disciplines of the sport. Each year, for as long as I can remember, I've found myself at his place on Memorial Weekend, and even though we're "blacked out" living in Indiana, and not able to watch the Indianapolis 500 live, we take it old school. We listed to the race live via FM radio, crowded around the kitchen table, jumping when a wreck happens, cheering when our favorite driver or "driver of choice" wins such a prestigious race. It's something I'll certainly remember for the rest of my life.

...and as I approached the finish line of the Mini Marathon, I heard the same broadcast I heard sitting around my Opa's kitchen table years back, listening to Michael Andretti battling it out for 1 and 2 in the closing laps of the Indianapolis 500. It's all I heard over my earbuds. I crossed the finish line thinking of my Opa, not the race I just ran, with chills going down my spine.

Everything over the past four years came full circle. 

As soon as I paused the run, grabbed my medal, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed to the Runners' Services exit, I found Mr. K peeking out from behind a few other folks waiting for friends to arrive.

I grabbed him, hugged him, and cried.

Everything just came pouring out.

After gathering myself, I checked my phone. I had sooooooo many notifications, so many text messages (and a missed call from my momma) from friends who had been tracking me via website every time I hit a split. That was another really cool moment. Friends had posted to my Facebook wall cheering me on, encouraging me as I crossed the 5K split, and telling me to keep going after crossing the bricks. I am truly blessed to have each and every person in my life, and the outpouring of support and encouragement from Saturday is truly amazing and humbling.

To each and every one of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(I do want to apologize to friends for not getting back to you while I was running. As a general rule, I ignore my phone when I'm out on runs and Saturday was no different, tuning out the world to de-stress, and usually just pay attention to two things: cars and calls.)

I called Dave, a local radio DJ, runner, and a very, very helpful seasoned veteran of the Indy Mini, and now someone I look up to for running-motiviation and inspiration, to meet up with him, as he wanted to get a picture with me post-race and check on how it went. Aside from totally forgetting to take a picture with him (we both blame it on the lack of sugar in our bodies), I had the opportunity to congratulate him for making the 500 Club. That is an awesome accomplishment, and I'm so proud of you Dave! I told you that you would rock it!

All in all, it was an awesome weekend, and aside from a touch of stomach flu hitting me about two hours after the race was over going in to recovery mode (and the fact I told Mr. K never again twenty-two times), I had an absolute blast!

Would I do it again? Yes! While I'm not sure I'll train again for a half marathon during a semester, I do want to do it again. Just not for a while. You know how a couple puts almost all of their time and energy in to a wedding to only crash and burn shortly after, because the wedding and not the actual marriage was all they thought about? That's kind of how I feel... I'm kind of at the "what now?" point.

I do plan to continue running, I'm certainly not stopping, but I think, at least for the rest of this year, I'll continue to run 5K's, as I have a bit of fun with them! I want to improve my minute per mile time, but I'm not focusing on just that. I also want to get back to lifting weights, improving my tone, and building muscle to become stronger.

...and I also want to continue the "City by Shoes" trends. You can look for that some time after Memorial Weekend. Let's just say, this will be one of the very first years I won't be in Indiana for the Indianapolis 500... :)

22 Days and Counting

I seriously could puke right now.

Today's the day those running the 500 Festival Mini Marathon received their confirmation information, wave/seeding info, and bib numbers for the event, along with a participation guide.

...apparently, they are okay with me running. That's good to know?

I'm in the last (5th) wave, starting at 8:45am, and hopefully crossing the finish line no later than noon-ish, I hope. (Just in time for beer and a lunch. Ha!)

To be honest - I'm really, really nervous. It's my first half marathon, so I expected some nerves, but am I ready? No. Absolutely not. (Hell no would actually be more of a proper response.) My training has hit a wall, I'm getting burnt out, and my foot still hasn't fully healed, while I've also not been "officially" cleared to run from the doctor just yet, with 22 days to go. (Um, yeah?)

I should really quit complaining, right?

Honestly, I have the worst gut-feeling this is going to be bad, awful, or just plain embarrassing. I'm not happy with my training, I'm not happy with not running, and I'm supposed to be running 11 miles this weekend.

Am I being to hard on myself? Yeah, probably, and I should just shove everything aside and enjoy the moment. I'm not sure what happened to the girl who just wanted to stay off the (18 min/mile) trail bus, not die, and cross the finish line healthy and happy. Screw time! Nothing wrong with that at all.

(But Competitive-Ashley isn't thinking that way. She needs to shut it, right?!)

I honestly think I've let me competitiveness get the best of me, which has burnt me out quickly while also filling my thoughts with negative and toxic worries. So my goal for the next 22 days? Not care.

Be happy. Take it all in. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Don't die. Listen to the bagpipers while I enter Indianapolis Motor Speedway for my lap around the track and smooch of the famed bricks (thanks for the tip, Dave!). And smile when you cross the finish line.

“Much of what we consider valuable in our world arises out of (these) one-sided conflicts. Because the act of facing overwhelming odds, produces greatness and beauty.”

― Malcolm Gladwell, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants

 

Blogger's Note: I'll have more details in the coming days; a race preview of the Mini. And hopefully by then a not so, "woe-as-me" post. Negative Ashley can take a hike and never come back. ;)

Can't I Just Stay Healthy? Pretty Please?!

The Universe's answer?

No.

I've never been so aggravated and upset this week, and this honestly tops the irritation I had knee surgery. Why? Because I'm 6 weeks out to the Mini Marathon, SIX, and I have my hotel reserved, goops bought, new shoes, outfit planned, etc.

I've been pretty much bawling my eyes out all week.

So what happened?

I decided to push my scheduled runs off by a day, since Monday night I didn't get home until 9:30. I didn't exactly want to be on the treadmill running 5 miles until 11:30 at night so I decided to go to bed, push it off until Tuesday, and use the gym at the university I attend. I did just that.

While running my scheduled 5 miles on Tuesday night, something in my right foot (totally different leg than the knee I had operated on) started to hurt. My first reaction was, "Ok. Just see if it's a muscle spasm. Run it out. Push through"

Ha! Yeah... Right...

At mile 4 I couldn't take it anymore. I had a pain in the top of my foot, a little off center, that started to throw my running gait off. The only thing different I had done was bump up the speed a bit, however it was only by .1 or .2 of MPH to where I was at 5.5. I was able to maintain it for 4 miles, so why at 4 did my foot start to hurt?

I've done the usual - RICE (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate), while also downing Ibuprofen and using Rexall like it's going out of style. I'm trying to keep it loose, by rotating my ankle, flexing it every so often, etc. But I've narrowed it down... I think... (Because I have MD after my name; didn't you know that?!)

It's either one of two things:

1. Stress Fracture
2. Tendon/strain/muscle ache

I really, really, really, really, really it's the second option, as the only way to heal a stress fracture is to stop and let it heal.

With 6 (SIX) weeks left until the Mini Marathon...

You have got to be f*cking kidding me.

My thought process is this - that if it were a stress fracture, I wouldn't be able to walk. At times it hurts, at times it aches, at times it doesn't. That leads me to believe it's more of a muscle strain or tendon issue.

I'll be seeing a doc tomorrow to see what I should probably do, but honestly, I'll take a Cortisone shot for one in the foot, please! Just let me get through May 3 healthy, unhurt, with a medal around my neck. That's all I ask for. Normal programming resumes after... Or at least, healing and recovery.

In addition though, I wasn't mentally prepared for my 5 mile run that night - I just wanted to get it over with. I've been noticing, with longer runs, I haven't been as excited as I used to when I was just running 9 miles per week on average. I was happy, running a 5k here or there for the fun of it; now I'm afraid I might be getting a little burnt out with running. It's more of a chore than a stress-reliever, if that makes sense?

I have such a stubborn and determined drive, that I will not let this cause me to fail - I'm stronger than that, but this bump in the road has really knocked me on my ass. It's a blow to my gut, steel ovaries, and ego as I honestly sometimes forget I'm not Super Woman. I just want to get through this half marathon, complete my dream, and move on.

But with six weeks out to the Mini, I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever achieve this...

I honestly feel like I'm failing.

Friend Makin' Monday (FMM)....on Friday :)

...because that's how I roll?

Kidding!

It's been one of those weeks for me, and I'm just now catching up on my friends' blog posts! When I say it's been one of those weeks, it's a week I'd never wish on anyone, at any time. Period.

Since I am catching up, specifically with my lovely friend Dacia's blog, over at My Roots to Grow, I decided to have a little fun/get-to-know-me type of post. Yes, yes, I do realize it is Friday, clearly not Monday, but what the heck, right?

YOLO?

(Had to. ;) I HATE the term YOLO.)

Anywho, here are the rules! I'm a newb, but after discovering Dacia's post, I believe I'll have a little fun with this! I answer some questions that are posted over at losingweightandhavingfun.com, add my link to my blog in her comments section, and make new friends! (Is that right? Total rookie over here.)

Anywho, here we go!

1. Introduce yourself in under 10 words.

Wife. Farm girl. Hoosier. Traveler. Adventurer. Newb runner. (Ok, that's two.) Fanatic of Speed. (Ok, that's three.)

2. How did you find Friend Makin' Mondays?

From my awesome friend Dacia, over at My Roots to Grow, and figured: why the heck not? :)

3. Have you ever met any of your blog readers?

That depends... Those who have mentioned they read it? Yes! Do I have others I don't know about? Probably. (Or if you're new, welcome! Hi!)

4. How many states have you visited?

Oh boy... let's see: Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, 'bama, Georgia, Florida, Missouri (St. Louis is it...), Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Maryland, Virginia.... (This is me...struggling...) I think that's it? Mostly Midwestern stuff...

I'm hoping to branch out and travel some more this summer, specifically with the racing circuit. (Ya know, that fanatic of speed thing?) 

5. What did you have for lunch yesterday?

• (Homemade) almond butter sandwich

• Sweet mini peppers

• Sugar snap peas

• Light Greek yogurt - Key Lime

• Apple

Proof, with my Mini's checking in:

6. How many different places have you lived in?

Three. Colorado (when I was little). Indiana time's two. (Raised a Boilermaker, now a Hoosier. That makes Mr. K happy. Sigh.)

7. What’s your favorite color?

Depends on my mood... I love anything aqua/turquoise/teal, kind of a bright red fan (I love the Washington Capitals after all), like purple, some greens, but I am NOT a fan of too much pink. It's too girlie for my taste.

8. Do you have any pets?

My husband (Mr. K) and I have Kelly, our four-legged-Rottweiler-child. She may be big and she may have a mean bark, but don't let her fool you. She's a big, spoiled, baby.

9. What would your ideal job be?

I'm actually working towards said "dream/ideal job", while landing a pretty awesome internship opportunity this summer that works with my full-time job. I want to work in motorsports, putting my creativity to work, either in Public Relations or Marketing, whether it is for a specific team, company, or sponsor.

10. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope. But I haven't ruled out the possibility of getting one. I just haven't found the perfect one, yet!

Blogger's Note: I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Thanks for reading! 

Confessions of an Ungirlie Girl

My boss says I look fabulous, but I'm just not feeling it today. It's not for a lack of trying, though.

I swear there's a dark side to being a "girlie" girl.

And I fail. Everytime.

Today is "picture day" for work, at least us "in action," with maybe a group shot or two. We were told to dress up by my wonderful (she really is) supervisor today, or at least business casual, but when you drop "picture" in there, I'm going to try too hard. Way too hard. I assume these pictures are for a marketing campaign of sorts, as we're gearing up for the launch of our new department at work after receiving my promotion to a new position in September, so I want to rock it. (Not going to lie, I do. And I wouldn't mind a great weight loss/professional picture I could use in the process. It's not too often you'll catch me "dressed up.")

But regardless of pictures or a promotion, I'm trying to embrace this new "girl" thing overall, after dropping weight and hitting goal.

Bottom line? I suck at being a girl.

With my weight loss, I'm trying to be a bit more girlie, in addition to dressing more my weight. My friend "R" forced persuaded me to buy a sweater-dress a few seasons ago after losing 75 pounds, on one of our shopping trips. It seemed to be the only comfortable "dress" I'd wear at the time and it took a bit of a push to get me in it, but I'm pretty sure she had an evil plan to get me to look like a girl all along. At least that's what I thought when she rubbed her hands together saying, "Muahahaha." (Kidding! Sort of... She succeeded though.) But who knew I'd like wearing them now, since the legging trend is in? I actually don't mind it now. (Side note/true story: I wore shorts under my wedding dress the day I  married Mr. K, I hated dresses that much. I couldn't wait to get out of it and back into jeans and race tee.)

But let's bring it back to today. Yesterday, I received a new pair of work shoes, courtesy of Kohl's and FedEx, but I'm not exactly seasoned in sporting pumps. Ok, well, they're not really pumps, more of a loafer-chunky-heel, but I fell in love with them on the website, thought they'd be super cute, and bought them. (I didn't think about the whole not-a-bootie, there's no strap around the ankle kind-of-thing. Oops.) I've tried to sport pumps for a wedding before, but ask "R" about our trip to DSW for nude-colored pumps... I went home with nude-colored flats instead.

Anyway, I figured today would be the perfect day to sport my new loafer-heels to work, because I'm slightly obsessed excited about them, and like picture day in elementary school, I want to look my best. As soon as I slipped them on to walk across my kitchen however, curse words flew out of my mouth. As a hockey fan (and just me in general), I have no filter towards cursing when I'm away from work.

...and I could easily handle hockey skates better than these things on my feet today.

...but in my quest for total girlieness today, I'm still adjusting to my shorter hair when it comes to curling irons and I now have a burnt forehead, in addition to walking like a newborn deer. Add in the fact my cute blazer I've been wanting to wear forever since I scored it on clearance is "Dry Clean Only," (let's just say I sweat. I'll probably forget to pick it up at the cleaners after taking it to have it cleaned,) girlieness isn't exactly what I'm feeling today.

But, as much as my hair, outfit, and shoes are driving me crazy, today's going to happen anyway. So I might as well rock it while I can.

Carpe Diem, right?

 Here's my outfit I'm attempting to rock today...
(Shoutout and thank you to favorite coworker Pam for nabbing this picture for me!)

Carpe diem Thursday, folks! :)

Scary Thoughts

As I’m sitting here writing this blog, currently it’s -11 deg. F. It’s brutal-cold. I don’t plan to go outside at all today if I can help it, though I’m scheduled to run my second run of the second week of Couch to 5K (again). Since it’s a snow day from work, I figure an update is in order, among several other things I have planned, like learning how to arm-knit. Seriously.

However, I’ve had some rather scary thoughts over the past few days.

You could say I love to travel. I’m a pilot’s daughter. I have the travel-bug, the need to explore. I’m the type of person to either, A.) Have a scheduled sightseeing tour down the second when being touristy, or B.) Set out (most likely on my own) and just wander aimlessly, taking in a city by foot, people-watching and trying to blend in as best as this Hoosier can, while getting lost and submersing myself into a new culture. This year, I have what could be the best opportunity to travel several places in 2014; by far being the most I’ve traveled in one summer since graduating college. I’m hoping, among a few races with an internship possibility, a few races and road trip to Central PA, and a trip to Boston to visit a now close-friend (who I still wish didn’t move, but I understand...), it could be a rather cool 2014! (At least I hope…)

But then my mom dropped what I’ve wanted to hear a week or so ago when having a mother/daughter lunch: Cruise to the Bahamas.

Um, yes please?!

It’s currently -11F and dropping in Indiana; meanwhile it’s a balmy 73F in Nassau. Do we really have to wait until May?!

I’ve been on the cruise before, my last being just shy of my 21^st birthday. Yes, it’s the Disney Cruise, but my mom and I both had a blast. Can we say, Serenity Bay? (Adults ONLY beach: Hell. Yes.)

Anyway, my first thought wasn’t, “Oh, I LOVE Nassau!” It was, “Oh, God. Should I buy a bikini?”

Which then ensues panic.

Sheer. Panic.

You see, it’s always been my dream, or kind of a ‘bucket list’ item, to actually be able to pull one off, though the pure thought of actually wearing one freaks me out. I’m too modest, but I want to do it. Just once to say I have. (But NO PICTURES ALLOWED.)

The only thought getting me through is that most folks on the boat with me, won’t see me again. Right?

I have about 4 or 5 months to get ready, and I’m running again, while also adding in kettlebell and weight training that I haven’t done before. I’m not going to be ripped by May or June, but I don’t want to jiggle everywhere. Seriously. That's how I feel...

As part of 2014’s resolution goal, I want to be able to embrace myself, my body, and get rid of all of the negative thoughts I have on a regular basis. You know, the “who cares if I have loose skin and stretch marks?” To be able to love myself wholly, and to not pick myself apart regarding imperfections. Rather, to embrace them.

But I’m incredibly self-conscious about everything. I hate the stretch marks I have. I hate the jiggle, the loose skin and wrinkles I have even if I’m doing ab work to the point laughing hurts.

…and yes, I know with time, it could go away. I can already see my obliques smoothing out which is kind of cool. While I was running pre-surgery, my legs started to take the shape of Carrie Underwood’s. (And seriously, she’s my fitness idol, I’m not going to lie. I love her, and her dedication to her fitness and health.)

I’m not the most patient person. If anything, we learned that post-op, didn’t we? But I think that’s also why I look at the scale too much, not measurements and definition, which is what I should focus upon now as I shift to maintenance instead of weight loss. Let’s face it, it’s the instant-gratification world I live in that is driving it. (I know that.)

But in the meantime, while stressing thinking of beach weather and bikinis, I’m throwing around options. There’s the midkini (which is apparently a thing) that rides a bit lower from the bust, and a little higher around the waist (perrrrrfect option for my conscious). There’s the tankini, which is also two-piece, with a tank top covering most of the stomach area. The one I really want though, found via Pinterest, is a lace covered one piece, in the style of a bikini, but the lace covers the midriff area. Only problem? $130. (I croaked.)

Whenever I find one, which it’s still going to be a while, I’ll share, but it won’t be me wearing it in the picture. I'm not the person who lifts their shirt for selfies of their abs. I’m too modest and uncomfortable with the thought, even if I am in shape. It makes me shudder just thinking of showing off my stomach, let alone anything else in open air, and God forbid, public...on a beach.

Oof. I have a long way to go, don’t I?

 

Post-Surgery Update (3 Weeks late...)

Well, I survived surgery, and I'm surviving in the midst of recovery. (Bonus: I also survived Finals week post-surgery with two A's, and I didn't kill anyone in the process. Oh, thank you Lord!)

We're going in to Week 3 post-surgery and things are progressing, you could say, after knee surgery. We're not progressing as quickly as I'd hoped, but if I had my way, I would have been running on the treadmill the day after surgery. Not exactly realistic, (I get that) but I'm getting there.

Week 1 saw much frustration for me, and I wasn't exactly my happiest I've been. I couldn't walk normally until about the Friday after surgery (and thank goodness I did; meeting new folks and attending a motorsports tradeshow wasn't exactly business-like if I had been limping around). Physical therapy, began two days after surgery, has had its ups and downs. The first appointment brought me tears and frustration, thoughts of never being able to walk "normal" again, let alone actually running. I didn't hurt (I never actually did hurt), as everyone still asks me if I'm in pain. No, it was more stiffness; lack of movement, or as I liked to refer to it as "dragging a peg leg around." Measurement and comparisons of range of motion were aggravating, however it set a goal for me to meet; something I could work on and gain back. Hope wasn't exactly lost.

It was explained to me at my first PT appointment, that a normal person's knee should bend at around 120 degrees, my right bending 145 (overachiever, I know). My left, the one in which I had the scope and meniscus repaired, only bent at 94 degrees two days after surgery. With prescribed exercises though, by the second appointment,  I was bending at 118 degrees, much improvement from the appointment before.

During Week 1, I also had my follow up post-op appointment with the surgeon. Things looked so good that I was officially released from their care that day, and that I could resume "any activity as I saw fit." Hmph. Hooray! But that was a bit of a loaded statement...

Week 2 saw many improvements, including being able to walk "normally" again. I attended one of the biggest motorsport trade shows the Friday after surgery, and managed rather well during, however the day after, after being on my feet for more than eight hours, wasn't exactly the greatest, and resumed limping again. Add in ice and rest, I was walking again normally within two days. Yeah for progress!

I'm currently in Week 3, and things have started to progress much better! I'm still a little swollen and sore around the incision sites, but I finally have my range of motion back to the full extent. I've started slight weight-bearing exercises, while also starting a scar massage each night to break up any scar tissue that began to form. In physical therapy, I've been reintroduced to the elliptical and bike, hoping to build on aerobics again. I was also told I could run again this past Sunday, just not pushing it too far for too long, dependent upon how I felt Saturday after using the equipment. I decided against it, as I didn't want to put myself too far, potentially reinjuring whatever could've been fixed (even if the doctor said I couldn't damage anything further). I just don't feel like I'm quite ready.

Diet-wise, things took a nosedive this past weekend, as we celebrated Christmas with my grandparents and family. My Oma constantly has sweets and cookies abound, and let's just say I could've easily ate my weight in cookies. Actually, it was more like, I did. I've tried to clean things up again this week, but Christmas isn't easy on my waistline or diet. I know I'll get back into a routine very soon, however it's still hard, especially since I give in to food-temptations really, really easily. This too shall pass, right? Feedback. It's "feedback." But even with "feedback," I'm frustrated with myself, however I know I can't be perfect. I wasn't for three and a half years, but still lost the weight with time.

I am hoping (read: praying desperately) I can run again soon, as I feel time is starting to get away from me regarding training for the Mini, my first half-marathon. At this point, for me it's going to be walk, run, or crawl to finish, however I want to be smart about it and try to run as much as I can before, but not killing myself in the process. I plan to start Couch to 5K all over again, and that will take about 9 weeks if I don't progress any quicker than when I first started running. I really should be running 12 total miles per week by February to start training comfortably for the Mini, however February is 2 months away, and I feel I won't be able to get through C25K quick enough, especially since I haven't reintroduced running to my recently-repaired knee. I know it will take time, but I've said before I'm not the most patient person. The doctor said I could start running again in 4-6 weeks, and if I feel up to it, it sounds like it will happen soon. I plan to actually cross-train and start adding in weights again, as I did right before my surgery, while running. That should help regarding muscle development and getting me back in to running shape quicker. At least I hope...

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive. As many have said, "You'll have good days and bad, but just be patient." I've definitely had both, but so far more good that bad, which is highly positive! Patience isn't my strength, but I'm learning, though.

I want to wish Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat., all of the best of luck in her recovery as well, as she bounces back from (a much more invasive) surgery. She's been such an inspiration for me, as well as becoming someone I'm lucky to call a friend. I wish you all of the best, my dear! You'll be rockin' it again in no time flat, and I'm so proud of you in all that you've accomplished!

I also want to give a huge thank you to both my husband Brandon, and my momma Jill. They've been my sounding board through all of this, and have definitely heard me at my worst while lifting me up to be my best. Without them, I wouldn't be where I'm at in my journey, and definitely wouldn't have made it through surgery and this far into recovery without their support. I also want to thank Brandon for making me a hair appointment just two days after surgery so that I could have my hair washed and styled before we went to lunch (aka:when I first saw daylight again). Getting me out of the house, as cold and snowy as it was, was definitely the boost I needed to get me through those first few days. (And I felt like a new woman by just having my hair washed and styled.) It's the little things he does for me that makes me so thankful and grateful I have him.

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! I hope it's fun and food-filled while spending lots of time with friends and family!

More updates to come soon... :)

So When Can I Run Again?!

If you couldn't tell by the title, the surgery went so much better than I had expected!

And the snowstorm lost! (Remember when I said the weatherman called for 14 inches and we only get two? That happened.)

Mr. K and I got up around 4:15am, set to leave at 5, giving us over an hour and half should it be needed to get to the hospital typically just 40 minutes away. We made it by 6, beating the ambulatory care staff.

(Side note: While waiting for to get taken back to get prepped for surgery, there was a great article hanging in the waiting room about my doctor inventing a partial knee replacement alternative to the traditional. Little did I know, he was a pitcher during collegiate days, turning down an MLB contract with the Kansas City Royals to pursue medicine. I'm very thrilled he chose medicine, but he's a pretty cool dude. And one hell of a doctor.)

As soon as we got checked in, they took me back to get changed, interrogated asked me all kinds of questions, which knee they're operating on, do you have any questions, medical history, could you be pregnant, and on and on. The surgical nurse then came in, asked a few more questions, followed shortly by my anesthesiologist (who was sarcastic and hilarious for 6am, even as nervous as I was about him). He asked a few questions, kind of gave me a run down of his procedure, what he will do, (which then proceeded to freak me out a little more), and then joked he could give me a shot to quell any fears I may have. He said, "You'll be feeling fine in no time. You'll get 10 hours of sleep in about 20 minutes. We good?"

After waiting for confirmation Dr. R was in the parking lot (slick roads were an issue and they certainly didn't want to put me out and the doc not show), the show was on the road. As they took me back, they introduced themselves (even if I don't remember them), asked a few more questions, slid me over to the operating table, then asked me why I was here. After I proceeded to tell them, "I ran too much," my weight loss journey came up.

The last thing I remember is telling the anesthesiologist I lost my weight 100% by diet and exercise, no surgery, and joking about Charles Barkley and the, "Eat like a man," campaign from Weight Watchers. We laughed, and the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery with the, "I forgot to tell him about MyFitnessPal," train of thought rolling through my head. Oops.

I literally didn't even see Dr. R. I had to ask my husband if he was even there. I cracked up laughing thinking, "How do I know he was the one who operated on me?" to which Mr. K replied, "I talked to him. He was there. Promise. He really did it."

As crazy as it seems, everything has gone amazingly well since. (Almost too well if you ask me.) Mr. K spoke with Dr. R post-surgery, saying everything had gone to plan, removed the tear, took some pictures, and sutured me up. What makes me feel so much better though, is knowing that my knees are "of my age." Dr. R had mentioned to Mr. K that despite carrying so much extra weight over a longer period of time, my knees are in great shape for my age, and that he was rather surprised by the condition. (Phew....)

But now the fun begins...

(TMI alert...)

I can't shower until tomorrow. It's driving me crazy, and I do feel gross. The bandages are starting to itch. Instructions say not to remove my bandages for three days, however Dr. R did say I can tomorrow. I'll be allowed to shower, removing any bandages I have, covering up the incisions, do my thing, then wrap everything back up. I'm currently bandaged from thigh to toe on my left leg, with a huge bulge at my knee. I've been curious, wanting to see what the incision looks like, though every time I go to look, Mr. K swats my hand. My knee is quite swollen as expected (poking it just to see), however I've propped it up, kept it iced, and tried to limit myself.

I was able to leave the house this morning and return to some typical Saturday-normalcy, as Mr. K made an appointment for me to get my hair washed and styled before taking me to lunch. IT FELT GREAT. (Even if I looked like someone who belonged on 'People of WalMart.') I also got through the grocery store, though by the end of it, I could tell my knee was horribly swollen. I found that limit... And I honestly hate limits.

I am trying to limit myself, however I have have had ZERO pain, and only had to use crutches once, leaving the hospital. I've put weight on my leg since, only having a weird squish sound every once in a while if I bend it a certain way. )By the way, I really hope that's normal...)

My follow up post-surgery appointment is scheduled for first thing Monday morning, followed by physical therapy that afternoon. I'm not sure how much will be required, though with the lack of pain I've had, I'm confident, ready to start running laps (though I know I have a ways to go).

I can honestly say I don't understand why I freaked out so much before, especially knowing now how well everything went. I can't wait to get physical therapy started, and to get on my merry way and start to run again. It really feels good knowing the light is at the end of the tunnel.

I'm Always Up For A Challenge

The holidays can be hard for someone like me; someone who watches their diet constantly, or tracks what they can. I have to. Because if I don't, the feast is on. I'm not saying I don't vary or "cheat" sometimes (though lately it's been all the time...), and I've been a bit of an anxious mess the past few days due to the amount of food I may or may not consume tomorrow. I'm going to try to track, but two meals at two different family get-togethers? Who am I kidding?!

I still haven't been brave enough to try to work out, adding in some form of daily activity, for fear of royally screwing up my knee pre-surgery (for seven weeks). But what I can control is my diet, and lately, that's not been too pretty. I'm trying to focus more on clean(er) eating, less sugar, the whole nine yards, but it's been difficult.

Timing is everything, and with December around the corner, I had thrown the idea around of attempting #NoChocolatesDecember again, however I couldn't tear into that KitKat bar fast enough on January 1, 2013. And I like chocolate. A lot. (...and I wouldn't suggest No Chocolates December again during the Christmas season if my life depended on it.) :)

When I say timing is everything, I pulled up Instagram a few afternoons ago, and noticed Brooke over at brookenotonadiet.com is gearing up for another round of #SkinnySnoman starting December 1. I didn't do it last year, but looking over how points are awarded, I need this right now!

PERFECT TIMING, Brooke!

You can check everything out over at her website, selecting the Skinny Snowman Challenge tab at the top of the page.

Apparently there is a grand prize too? I'll behave if I'm trying to win something. I'm highly competitive ;)

So what is the Skinny Snowman Challenge you ask?

Focusing on losing or maintaining weight, the challenge awards points for choosing a healthier lifestyle, including but not limited to things like drinking 64 oz. of water daily, eating three servings of fruits and three servings of vegetables daily, Meatless Monday (which I'm super excited to try), tracking what you consume, and adding in 30 minutes of exercise or activity daily. But what appears to be my early favorite, having nothing to do with food but everything to do with motivation, you can earn points for writing down five positives about your day. NO NEGATIVES. (Which I desperately need.)

For each item you complete daily, you earn points, and at the end, whoever has the most over a month-ish's time, wins a grand prize! Each week has a max of 450 points, with a max of 50 points over the month's time (so you don't kill yourself or exercise to death).

I love everything about this challenge, and like I said, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Items earning points are something I mostly do on a daily basis anyway, however I want to be able to add exercise in again. I'm a little nervous I'll be behind the game with it, as I'm having the ever-fun knee surgery next week. It will come with time though.

I will try to update at the end of each week my points results, how well I did, what I want to work on, etc.

In the meantime, if you're interest, go sign up! It's super easy, and what have you got to lose? (Except for maybe a few pounds?)

My Happy Place

First of all, I hate it when I'm driving to work, thinking about the PERFECT blog post, even what it wants to say, sounds good in my mind, then sit down to actually write it and totally forget. That's me, folks.

I'm almost finished with this semester with the holidays fast-approach. (Can we get an amen?!) It's been a trying one; one I didn't think would really be that bad in the beginning. The course that I thought would totally suck doesn't (I'm carrying a 99%...for now...), and the class that I didn't think would suck (and it doesn't) but would be super-fun, has been my most trying. It's the course that focuses on what I want to do when I grow up, just in the business sense, not sports. But even with it being my most challenging, it's pushed me. I love the professor, and the class has been great, but it has honestly stressed me out to no end. (Which means I eat everything in sight. I'm a stress-eater AND a study-eater, so it's rough.)

Anyway, I'm getting off topic (per usual).

Happy Gilmore is still a movie that makes me laugh every time I watch it, one that never gets old. And last night during a thought process while chatting with a classmate who runs halfs (he's been running since high school; we discovered we have running in common, then the typical running conversation ensued). But during this conversation, I used the completely cheesy, "I've found my Happy Place," line, referencing Happy, to kind of describe my end result of (at least) where I'm at now from start to current.

(Ok, you can stop giggling now. It really is cheesy, I know.)

But I think I'm finally there. Or at least as happy as I've been for a while.

The last few posts I've made haven't been very positive, but I haven't been feeling very positive. It's ups and downs, and it's daily at times, however even with the downs with the ups, I still try to reflect on the journey as a whole, not just the day-in, day-out focus.

With the holidays approaching, I've also found myself reflecting on the past year quite a bit. It's been a huge change from January 1 until now. January 1, 2013 (just after midnight), I was fighting to open a Kit Kat chocolate bar after successfully completing No Chocolates December. (Who does that during Christmas?!) How I ever survived that, I'm still scratching my head. But I did. And it really boosted my confidence in my own personal will-power.

Weight loss journey-wise, I've dropped more pounds and inches, ultimately hitting my goal weight, and officially entering "maintenance." (One of the coolest me-to-me birthday presents I could ever give myself.)

 (This makes a three pound gain put into perspective. Fast. Down 31 since 11/22/2012.)

Professionally, I feel like I've been making strides, too. I got the promotion I had hoped for through my primary place of employment, and somehow found myself involved with an online radio show that mixes my two loves, racing and hockey, all through connections in Social Media. (Who knew?) But not only becoming involved with the show, I've become really good friends with the host/founder, as well as attended and reported on my first two events ever, one being at a track I consider the "Holy Grail." It's been nuts, but in a good way. I can honestly say I've been very blessed this year.

School has been school. I've had fits, but I've had triumphs, all the while eating garbage during late night study sessions. I still look at it as "feedback," and try to change for the next. But I still get hungry when I study. That won't change until I'm a graduate, but see the previous paragraph. I'm working towards my dreams, and I can't complain.

...and who would've thought I'd actually ever utter the words, "I love running!" I completed my first 5k before my scheduled 5k, which was all kinds of crazy all in itself. The training kept me disciplined and on plan, and I rapidly found a new love for something I've hated for 20-ish years. It served as such a great form of stress relief, and that I also found myself more at ease while able to eat that cookie or a "reward" without having to sweat it. (Well, I had to sweat FOR it.) And despite now having to face surgery most likely from pushing myself too hard, I'm really looking forward to the future, and what 2014 will hold. Recovery will suck, and yes, I'm may have to start Couch to 5k all over again just to make sure I don't injure myself further, but I'm already goal setting for 2014, running and fitness-wise. I have races on my mind, as well as potentially scratching a big one off of my bucket list. But, that's another post all in itself, one that I'm working on for later in December.

I found this quote the other day via Pinterest, and as a hockey fan, it seemed to sum up everything I've been thinking lately about regarding my future hopes, dreams, and goals:

Always, always have a goal, no matter how big or how small. It gives you something to work hard for. And the reward? The satisfaction of knowing you can do anything you put your mind to. :)


(And I'm saving the best for last: I can't thank Mr. K enough for all of the support he's given me throughout the year, and throughout the journey. He still may think I'm crazy and eating "hippie food," but I love him and he's never wavered his support of what makes me happy. I am truly grateful to have him in my life, and he will always be a main staple in my Happy Place.)