22 Days and Counting

I seriously could puke right now.

Today's the day those running the 500 Festival Mini Marathon received their confirmation information, wave/seeding info, and bib numbers for the event, along with a participation guide.

...apparently, they are okay with me running. That's good to know?

I'm in the last (5th) wave, starting at 8:45am, and hopefully crossing the finish line no later than noon-ish, I hope. (Just in time for beer and a lunch. Ha!)

To be honest - I'm really, really nervous. It's my first half marathon, so I expected some nerves, but am I ready? No. Absolutely not. (Hell no would actually be more of a proper response.) My training has hit a wall, I'm getting burnt out, and my foot still hasn't fully healed, while I've also not been "officially" cleared to run from the doctor just yet, with 22 days to go. (Um, yeah?)

I should really quit complaining, right?

Honestly, I have the worst gut-feeling this is going to be bad, awful, or just plain embarrassing. I'm not happy with my training, I'm not happy with not running, and I'm supposed to be running 11 miles this weekend.

Am I being to hard on myself? Yeah, probably, and I should just shove everything aside and enjoy the moment. I'm not sure what happened to the girl who just wanted to stay off the (18 min/mile) trail bus, not die, and cross the finish line healthy and happy. Screw time! Nothing wrong with that at all.

(But Competitive-Ashley isn't thinking that way. She needs to shut it, right?!)

I honestly think I've let me competitiveness get the best of me, which has burnt me out quickly while also filling my thoughts with negative and toxic worries. So my goal for the next 22 days? Not care.

Be happy. Take it all in. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Don't die. Listen to the bagpipers while I enter Indianapolis Motor Speedway for my lap around the track and smooch of the famed bricks (thanks for the tip, Dave!). And smile when you cross the finish line.

“Much of what we consider valuable in our world arises out of (these) one-sided conflicts. Because the act of facing overwhelming odds, produces greatness and beauty.”

― Malcolm Gladwell, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants

 

Blogger's Note: I'll have more details in the coming days; a race preview of the Mini. And hopefully by then a not so, "woe-as-me" post. Negative Ashley can take a hike and never come back. ;)

C25K Progress and Other Updates...

Blogger's Note: I'm really sorry I haven't had a chance to update everyone on my progress of late. School has officially taken over my life...again...but I promise I will try to update everyone on a more regular basis. I had a streak going for a bit, but I also will have a bit more "adventures" once I begin my next challenge to fill folks in on. More on that below....

Nine weeks. It's been nine weeks since I've had the all clear to run. Nine weeks since my recovery process "ended," and I could get back to my somewhat-normal active lifestyle again. How do I know? Upon completion of my typical Wednesday night between-work-and-class run, I will have completed the Couch to 5K program. Again. (Phew.)

As much as I cannot stand (sic: hate with every depth of my being) the dreadmill treadmill, it's absolutely wonderful to be able to run again. I'm much happier getting sweaty (don't take that the wrong way, folks), I'm happier being able to just get out whatever stress or aggression I have that day by pounding fake-moving-pavement. I'm happier dealing with people when I'm running. )Be happy I'm running, ladies and gents. You wonder how nice I am each day? I run.) ;)

...but in the midst of running, I've also picked up strength training. I gave the kettlebell a bit of a go, however I've started to slack off on it a bit, as I prefer to use a video to guide me and I'm just not home much during the week. (Plus, have you ever ran the day after kettlebell training? Don't. That's my advice. That was poor planning on my part.) I'm not a fan of lifting weights, as I need something "fun" to keep me engaged, not repetitive motion, while staring at my self struggling in a mirror. However the more I lift, the more strength I gain, and the more muscle definition I see (I've got guns...), the more I want to work at it. I don't pour sweat like I do while running, however I definitely feel it the next day. Or day after. Or the third day in some cases... I've also started to focus on a few areas of my body that I want to tone, areas that have a bit more loose skin than I'd like. I'm starting to get biceps, my triceps are bit less jiggly (bye-bye batwings!), and my abs hurt when I laugh. That's a good sign, right?

But in toning, I'm also seeing my measurements shrink, (which is awesome)! I've shifted my focus to less scale, more measurements in numbers (that could be an entire blog in itself), as the scale hasn't been much of a good guide as of late. It's been hard to shift my thinking. I'm not even going to lie... Ever hear muscle weighs more than fat? Yeah... I've been able to maintain my weight "number," if not gain pounds in some instances, but my jeans still fit and I'm seeing muscle tone and definition with what I'm working on. It's a total mind-shift, just as "dressing thinner," and thinking more "my size" were, and they weren't easy, but as I always say - I'm a work in progress.

And in speaking of the gym, I'm starting to get a little more comfortable walking in, buckling down, and getting to work. When I first walked in to the gym that I use, (on my college campus; free for students, and it's pretty nice, but I've never used a gym before, period) I panicked. I'm not even kidding. It's like my mind melted. I had my game plan: treadmill. I thought, "Really Ashley? You're going to let these youngins' intimidate you?" To which I replied, "Well, yeah. Look at them. It's the f**king track team working out in there. You're 27. You don't belong. You can't run like the wind."

Guess what? A few treadmill/weight sessions in, I'm showing those 'youngins' who's boss...

(Kidding! Really, I'm still puny, and I'm not "boss." But hey, I try. That's what counts. Right?)

Anyway... Moving on...

I'm a goal-driven person. I think I've mentioned that on here before, but I need something to focus on. A prize to "eye" if you will... With completing the Couch to 5k program tomorrow night, it puts me back in position for the half-marathon hunt. Prior to May....  :) (See my Bucket List.)

May is my favorite month of the year by far, just as many other Hoosiers would tell you. I live for this month for one reason: the Indy 500. But every year, we kick the month off with the Mini Marathon, usually the first weekend in May.  And it's been squarely on my Bucket List since before I lost my weight. I've always dreamed of completing it, and was in great position pre-December to work towards it. Knee surgery pretty much derailed what I thought wouldn't happen in 2014, however with getting back into the running-groove, I signed up.

I just did it one day. I found myself whipping out the credit card and saying, "to hell with it. Go big or go home, Ash." Coworkers, friends, and acquaintances alike said that even with being about four weeks behind the day of the race, I still would have a good shot at safely completing it, if I run and walk. My goal is to just complete 13.1 - walk, run, or crawl. It's my first, so time isn't a concern of mine. (The trail bus is, though.) I've also contacted a friend of mine from high school regarding the Mini, a runner and former prom date (that's another convo for another day, but it has a pretty cool background story). I asked him if he and another classmate of ours were planning to run the Mini again this year, as they have completed it before. He hadn't given much thought to it until I asked, but he agreed he'd run it with me (after warning him I'm slower than a herd of turtles). I do feel a little relieved that someone will be there with me, however it's just me and the pavement.... (Ok. I'll be honest, though: I'm petrified about the half.)

Now if the weather will just cooperate... (I'm dreading treadmill training if I have to run 4+ miles in one sitting. I'd rather fork my eyeballs out.)

Make sure to tune in for upcoming half-marathon training updates, as I'm sure I'll have plenty! I'm hoping to also start running "organized" 5k's again soon as I love them, once the weather turns for the better. I'm ready to be able to get outdoors and run the country roads again too, just as much as anyone else is ready for warmer weather.

I've got that itch! (Who knew?!)

Scary Thoughts

As I’m sitting here writing this blog, currently it’s -11 deg. F. It’s brutal-cold. I don’t plan to go outside at all today if I can help it, though I’m scheduled to run my second run of the second week of Couch to 5K (again). Since it’s a snow day from work, I figure an update is in order, among several other things I have planned, like learning how to arm-knit. Seriously.

However, I’ve had some rather scary thoughts over the past few days.

You could say I love to travel. I’m a pilot’s daughter. I have the travel-bug, the need to explore. I’m the type of person to either, A.) Have a scheduled sightseeing tour down the second when being touristy, or B.) Set out (most likely on my own) and just wander aimlessly, taking in a city by foot, people-watching and trying to blend in as best as this Hoosier can, while getting lost and submersing myself into a new culture. This year, I have what could be the best opportunity to travel several places in 2014; by far being the most I’ve traveled in one summer since graduating college. I’m hoping, among a few races with an internship possibility, a few races and road trip to Central PA, and a trip to Boston to visit a now close-friend (who I still wish didn’t move, but I understand...), it could be a rather cool 2014! (At least I hope…)

But then my mom dropped what I’ve wanted to hear a week or so ago when having a mother/daughter lunch: Cruise to the Bahamas.

Um, yes please?!

It’s currently -11F and dropping in Indiana; meanwhile it’s a balmy 73F in Nassau. Do we really have to wait until May?!

I’ve been on the cruise before, my last being just shy of my 21^st birthday. Yes, it’s the Disney Cruise, but my mom and I both had a blast. Can we say, Serenity Bay? (Adults ONLY beach: Hell. Yes.)

Anyway, my first thought wasn’t, “Oh, I LOVE Nassau!” It was, “Oh, God. Should I buy a bikini?”

Which then ensues panic.

Sheer. Panic.

You see, it’s always been my dream, or kind of a ‘bucket list’ item, to actually be able to pull one off, though the pure thought of actually wearing one freaks me out. I’m too modest, but I want to do it. Just once to say I have. (But NO PICTURES ALLOWED.)

The only thought getting me through is that most folks on the boat with me, won’t see me again. Right?

I have about 4 or 5 months to get ready, and I’m running again, while also adding in kettlebell and weight training that I haven’t done before. I’m not going to be ripped by May or June, but I don’t want to jiggle everywhere. Seriously. That's how I feel...

As part of 2014’s resolution goal, I want to be able to embrace myself, my body, and get rid of all of the negative thoughts I have on a regular basis. You know, the “who cares if I have loose skin and stretch marks?” To be able to love myself wholly, and to not pick myself apart regarding imperfections. Rather, to embrace them.

But I’m incredibly self-conscious about everything. I hate the stretch marks I have. I hate the jiggle, the loose skin and wrinkles I have even if I’m doing ab work to the point laughing hurts.

…and yes, I know with time, it could go away. I can already see my obliques smoothing out which is kind of cool. While I was running pre-surgery, my legs started to take the shape of Carrie Underwood’s. (And seriously, she’s my fitness idol, I’m not going to lie. I love her, and her dedication to her fitness and health.)

I’m not the most patient person. If anything, we learned that post-op, didn’t we? But I think that’s also why I look at the scale too much, not measurements and definition, which is what I should focus upon now as I shift to maintenance instead of weight loss. Let’s face it, it’s the instant-gratification world I live in that is driving it. (I know that.)

But in the meantime, while stressing thinking of beach weather and bikinis, I’m throwing around options. There’s the midkini (which is apparently a thing) that rides a bit lower from the bust, and a little higher around the waist (perrrrrfect option for my conscious). There’s the tankini, which is also two-piece, with a tank top covering most of the stomach area. The one I really want though, found via Pinterest, is a lace covered one piece, in the style of a bikini, but the lace covers the midriff area. Only problem? $130. (I croaked.)

Whenever I find one, which it’s still going to be a while, I’ll share, but it won’t be me wearing it in the picture. I'm not the person who lifts their shirt for selfies of their abs. I’m too modest and uncomfortable with the thought, even if I am in shape. It makes me shudder just thinking of showing off my stomach, let alone anything else in open air, and God forbid, public...on a beach.

Oof. I have a long way to go, don’t I?

 

Ready to Ring in 2014

Last year, to kick off 2013, I set a resolution of hitting my weight loss goal of 100 pounds, while entering my healthy weight range for the first time since who knows when. It certainly still doesn’t feel as if I’ve arrived at my “destination” of healthiness. Hell, I still feel I eat like garbage, or that I could be doing more than what I currently am regarding working out, cardio or strength training. But the only thing I can really think of is, “Wow. I finally stuck to a resolution. How ‘bout that?”

I’m honestly always at a loss for resolutions. I hate setting them. I never stick to them. (Except for last year’s, but who really does?) There’s always the, “I’m going to work out more. Go to the Gym. Eat better,” resolution, but I’m already living that as best I can. I could’ve gone with the, “I’ll go to more hockey games,” but my husband shot that down. I thought about being more “carefree” but who am I kidding? I wouldn’t be me without worry.

Mr. K and I were discussing what we thought our resolutions could be for 2014, just random conversation during the 45 minute drive home from Christmas celebrations with my family. After about five minutes of giggling, serious tones, and several, “Are you really going to stick with that?!,” I thought to myself, “I want to be happier with  myself.” So I ran it by him. He adamantly agreed.

I’ll be honest, even after losing 110 pounds, I haven’t been able to actually look at myself in the mirror and feel satisfied or happy with what I see. Mr. K hears it all the time, especially in the past few days after gluttonous feasts on Christmas goodies (and tooooooooooo many cookies to count). I haven’t felt exactly my best, and with surgery and not being able to run or really workout (my words, I could’ve worked out but I used it as an excuse), really put me down for the past few months. I try not to focus on the negative, but I still find it hard, especially on days I feel “fat.” (And lately, that’s been more than not.)

I don’t know where the negative thinking really comes from. Is it negative feelings caused by emotional scars from past experiences? Am I just not confident enough with who I am? (That’s improved drastically in my twenties, though. I used to NEVER go up and talk to anyone I didn’t know. Now? Hell, no problem! I’m one of the friendliest and approachable girls you’ll meet!) But I only ever want to feel good about myself, and if that means letting go of negative thoughts, the past, whatever, I’ll do it. In 2014.

So that’s my goal, my resolution. New year, new outlook.

Just as I was thinking and browsing Facebook on my lunch hour today, Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat., and also one of my favorite Twitter/Facebook/all around rock star friends, posted this bit from Mind, Body, Green, and I think really hammers home what I’m hoping to accomplish with my resolution for 2014. (You have impeccable timing, Dacia!) Here are a few highlights I personally want to improve upon most:

ü  2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

ü  3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

Anyone that knows me, knows this may be the hardest. Thanks to Mr. K, I’m known as “The Planner.”

ü  5. Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

Bahahahahahaha! Ok. Better.

ü  8. Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

ü  10. Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

And the two I feel are most important overall:

ü  19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

ü  20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are. Celebrate you!

…and speaking of celebrations, this morning’s physical therapy session went amazingly well, with my PTA saying, “You won’t be here long.” Testing the waters and pushing my luck at four weeks post-op, I asked, “When do you think I can attempt to run?” …and she said…I quote, “You can run whenever you’re comfortable. Just take it easy, and know that you may be sore. Ice and Ibuprofen are still your closest friends.”

Wait. What? I CAN RUN AGAIN???

Of course, I definitely plan to take it easy. I can’t go out and run three miles flat with no problem. There will be problems if I even attempt it. I haven’t ran since mid-October and we’re approaching January.

So what’s my plan?

Currently, it’s cold. I don’t like cold weather and unless it’s 45 degrees with no wind but plenty of sun, I won’t run outside. I do have the dreadmill, and that’s where I plan to start, beginning Couch to 5k completely over. From scratch. Week 1 of 9. I am hoping that I can stay on pace so that come February, I can start in for half training, using a run/walk plan a Twitter friend passed on to me. At this point, I don’t know or even expect to be able to run the entire Indy Mini, I’ll need to walk some, but I just want to complete it. That’s what’s on my bucket list and at the end of 13.1 miles, just crossing the finish line will be sweet enough. Thinking about it gives me goosebumps, and if I want to run the entire thing, there is always May 2015. Or the Air Force Half, or the Flying Pig, both in Ohio in Fall 2014. We’ll see.

For right now, I’m just focused on completing Couch to 5k again, getting myself back in running shape to around 9+ miles per week average. From there, who knows?

The sky’s the limit. I know. I still can’t fathom losing the equivalent of a person, let alone running one mile, or even three, in one sitting. But I’ve done it. So now, I’m setting sights on 2014, and pray that it’s even better than 2013. If it is, I won’t know how to act!

Thank you for continuing to read my posts, as well as giving me support! It means the world to me! So, Happy New Year! I hope that 2014 brings you many blessings! :)

Post-Surgery Update (3 Weeks late...)

Well, I survived surgery, and I'm surviving in the midst of recovery. (Bonus: I also survived Finals week post-surgery with two A's, and I didn't kill anyone in the process. Oh, thank you Lord!)

We're going in to Week 3 post-surgery and things are progressing, you could say, after knee surgery. We're not progressing as quickly as I'd hoped, but if I had my way, I would have been running on the treadmill the day after surgery. Not exactly realistic, (I get that) but I'm getting there.

Week 1 saw much frustration for me, and I wasn't exactly my happiest I've been. I couldn't walk normally until about the Friday after surgery (and thank goodness I did; meeting new folks and attending a motorsports tradeshow wasn't exactly business-like if I had been limping around). Physical therapy, began two days after surgery, has had its ups and downs. The first appointment brought me tears and frustration, thoughts of never being able to walk "normal" again, let alone actually running. I didn't hurt (I never actually did hurt), as everyone still asks me if I'm in pain. No, it was more stiffness; lack of movement, or as I liked to refer to it as "dragging a peg leg around." Measurement and comparisons of range of motion were aggravating, however it set a goal for me to meet; something I could work on and gain back. Hope wasn't exactly lost.

It was explained to me at my first PT appointment, that a normal person's knee should bend at around 120 degrees, my right bending 145 (overachiever, I know). My left, the one in which I had the scope and meniscus repaired, only bent at 94 degrees two days after surgery. With prescribed exercises though, by the second appointment,  I was bending at 118 degrees, much improvement from the appointment before.

During Week 1, I also had my follow up post-op appointment with the surgeon. Things looked so good that I was officially released from their care that day, and that I could resume "any activity as I saw fit." Hmph. Hooray! But that was a bit of a loaded statement...

Week 2 saw many improvements, including being able to walk "normally" again. I attended one of the biggest motorsport trade shows the Friday after surgery, and managed rather well during, however the day after, after being on my feet for more than eight hours, wasn't exactly the greatest, and resumed limping again. Add in ice and rest, I was walking again normally within two days. Yeah for progress!

I'm currently in Week 3, and things have started to progress much better! I'm still a little swollen and sore around the incision sites, but I finally have my range of motion back to the full extent. I've started slight weight-bearing exercises, while also starting a scar massage each night to break up any scar tissue that began to form. In physical therapy, I've been reintroduced to the elliptical and bike, hoping to build on aerobics again. I was also told I could run again this past Sunday, just not pushing it too far for too long, dependent upon how I felt Saturday after using the equipment. I decided against it, as I didn't want to put myself too far, potentially reinjuring whatever could've been fixed (even if the doctor said I couldn't damage anything further). I just don't feel like I'm quite ready.

Diet-wise, things took a nosedive this past weekend, as we celebrated Christmas with my grandparents and family. My Oma constantly has sweets and cookies abound, and let's just say I could've easily ate my weight in cookies. Actually, it was more like, I did. I've tried to clean things up again this week, but Christmas isn't easy on my waistline or diet. I know I'll get back into a routine very soon, however it's still hard, especially since I give in to food-temptations really, really easily. This too shall pass, right? Feedback. It's "feedback." But even with "feedback," I'm frustrated with myself, however I know I can't be perfect. I wasn't for three and a half years, but still lost the weight with time.

I am hoping (read: praying desperately) I can run again soon, as I feel time is starting to get away from me regarding training for the Mini, my first half-marathon. At this point, for me it's going to be walk, run, or crawl to finish, however I want to be smart about it and try to run as much as I can before, but not killing myself in the process. I plan to start Couch to 5K all over again, and that will take about 9 weeks if I don't progress any quicker than when I first started running. I really should be running 12 total miles per week by February to start training comfortably for the Mini, however February is 2 months away, and I feel I won't be able to get through C25K quick enough, especially since I haven't reintroduced running to my recently-repaired knee. I know it will take time, but I've said before I'm not the most patient person. The doctor said I could start running again in 4-6 weeks, and if I feel up to it, it sounds like it will happen soon. I plan to actually cross-train and start adding in weights again, as I did right before my surgery, while running. That should help regarding muscle development and getting me back in to running shape quicker. At least I hope...

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive. As many have said, "You'll have good days and bad, but just be patient." I've definitely had both, but so far more good that bad, which is highly positive! Patience isn't my strength, but I'm learning, though.

I want to wish Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat., all of the best of luck in her recovery as well, as she bounces back from (a much more invasive) surgery. She's been such an inspiration for me, as well as becoming someone I'm lucky to call a friend. I wish you all of the best, my dear! You'll be rockin' it again in no time flat, and I'm so proud of you in all that you've accomplished!

I also want to give a huge thank you to both my husband Brandon, and my momma Jill. They've been my sounding board through all of this, and have definitely heard me at my worst while lifting me up to be my best. Without them, I wouldn't be where I'm at in my journey, and definitely wouldn't have made it through surgery and this far into recovery without their support. I also want to thank Brandon for making me a hair appointment just two days after surgery so that I could have my hair washed and styled before we went to lunch (aka:when I first saw daylight again). Getting me out of the house, as cold and snowy as it was, was definitely the boost I needed to get me through those first few days. (And I felt like a new woman by just having my hair washed and styled.) It's the little things he does for me that makes me so thankful and grateful I have him.

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! I hope it's fun and food-filled while spending lots of time with friends and family!

More updates to come soon... :)

Just My Luck

Dear Mother Nature,

Why on God's green (or soon to be white) Earth did you decided to schedule a snowstorm during my surgery? I'm not too thrilled. I know we have a love/hate relationship when it comes to your gloomy and grey winters, but could you cut it out? Let us compromise: How about you just dump what is supposed to be tomorrow, on us in January? I'll even let you double it? If you keep this up, I have a feeling we can't be friends much longer...

Sincerely,

Ash

____________________________________________________________________

(Ok, but seriously...that's just my luck. I'm not even kidding. And people are spazzing around here. French Toast Warning!)

I always joke I make the worst hockey fan. I hate winter. Well, not completely, but I would hate it completely if hockey season wasn't in winter.

Tomorrow's the (scheduled) day for knee surgery and depending upon who you ask, we're basically getting smacked with 2-9" of snow starting tonight, ending sometime tomorrow evening. I'm rather miffed. I just want to get through this surgery and start to heal. Get over my nerves, get knocked out, wake up, and be on my merry (but gimpy) way. To run again.

The hospital called earlier this morning stating we still are on for tomorrow, I should be at present no later than 6:30am, and a bunch of other fun stuff like no eating or drinking anything after midnight. (Side note: Yes, I will die of starvation.) Surgery is scheduled for 7:30am (a 1/2 hour earlier than the first scheduled 8am), just in time for what could shape up to be a rather craptastic Indiana-winter day.

(As if I wasn't freaked out enough about the surgery, of course Momma Nature had to flex her muscles.)

I'm trying really hard not to freak out, however I'm not the easiest when it comes to things like this. I don't like not being in control, even though I know I have one of the best (and highly, highly recommended) doctors in the area performing my surgery, and well, you can't control the weather. The storm will happen regardless. The surgery will only take 20 minutes (if that), and I know it will take me longer to conk out before and wake up after than the actual procedure. But I'm still uneasy...

I've done my research (thank God for Google), as well as surgery prep, doing my homework of watching animated videos of what is to be performed. It's easy peasy, and I was fine until the anesthesia portion mentioned 'death.' Now before you say it, yes, I know it's a risk and they're basically just covering their asses. But 'out of sight, out of mind,' is something I thrive on. If I don't know about it or realize it, it's probably for the better, especially when I'm rapidly turning into Anxiety Girl (my alter ego).

(Totally me. Just ask anyone who really knows me.)

Then came my favorite question when being interrogated asked about medical history pre-surgery this morning: "Do you have a DNR order (Do Not Resuscitate) or Living Will?"

Sigh. Just stop already. Let me sign the waivers and just get it over with.

Again: I know it's totally a routine procedure, and I'm pretty sure Dr. R could do it with his eyes closed. This is a total cakewalk for him, however the fact that I'm not in control, or I have to be knocked for a loop and eventually unconscious still gets my nerves going...

I'm really trying hard not to freak out. Suck it up, Ash. You can't run without it, and it's not like you've been here before. Well, sort of.

Also, the lovely French Toast Warning isn't helping me in the slightest. (Whoever coined that phrase, you're a genius. Had a good giggle this morning over it.) For those who aren't sure what I mean by French Toast Warning, you know when everyone goes out and buys bread, milk, and eggs before a winter storm? What will you make? French Toast? There ya go...

So, here's hoping all goes well/scheduled. I'm still waiting to hear final totals for snow, but of course living in Indiana, every Hoosier knows 14+ inches of snow means two, and 2+ inches of snow means 14. It can change on a whim, just as anything can with life. (Older Ash is still trying to learn to let go what younger Ash wants to hang on to.) I'll try really hard to quit freaking out. Promise, folks.

Bottom line: I want to run again. The only way to do that, is to just do it.

(So suck it up, Anxiety Girl! The Indy Mini training won't happen without it!) ;)

Wordless Wednesday: Run Or Dye Race Recap

Enjoy. I sure did! (But then again, I was in heaven at Indy Motor Speedway, anyway...) 

(Belated) Wordless Wednesday: What a Week!

(Because some days you get so side-tracked you forget about the blog post you've planned, my Wordless Wednesday is a day late. But, oh what a birthday week it was! I will NEVER forget it!)

(1st 5k completed in 39:10, 2nd in 34:43!)

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

Happy Wednesday, folks!

I weighed-in twice just for good measure. Between running a little harder, and adding calories/eating them all, I'm 3.8 lbs down from last week. Plateau BUSTED.

...and to add to my happy dance celebration, I've finally kept a New Year's resolution, even if it is 7 months late... My goal for last year (2012) was to get into single-digit pants. I purchased this pair of dress pants over the weekend on a whim as something to work towards. Well, they fit this morning!

Phew! I'm baaaaaaack... :)

Mind Games

First of all, I hope you had a fabulous and happy Independence Day (and that you still have all 10 of your digits left)! ;) It's a long weekend for me, as I took Friday off from work, and so far, despite a few rain drops, it's been wonderful!

Now the not-so-fun part...

I think I'm reaching a crossroads, one that has sort of snuck up on me. I hadn't fully expected to reach this point, even if it has been 3 years, where in order to lose more weight, I have to start toning and building muscle to burn the fat. In turn, I may lose more inches than pounds, but would start to shape and sculpt loose skin, among other things. As much as I hate to admit this, this was the portion of my journey I really wasn't looking forward to; I'm not an iron-pumping kind of girl. I'm more apt to be throwing bales of straw down from a hay mou, and loading bags of seed from the truck to the planter with my husband. (And quite honestly, I'm super intimidated and fearful of a gym for obvious reasons many folks face.)

When starting Couch to 5k, I honestly thought the weight would just fall right off; that my 4-pounds-to-go to hit my healthy weight range and personal goal would fast approach. I was finally becoming more active than I had been previously, as I hadn't been focusing on working out but more of my diet at the time. It would finally be that moment that what I thought would be the near-end to my journey, that it was finally over in a way. The end of one chapter, and the starting of a new...

(It also meant that once I reached 150, I could finally cut my hair and donate it to a child in need, and also get that much-anticipated me-to-me gift of a Brooks Laich jersey before next hockey season...)

Well... Guess what?

As I've previously wrote before, I'm facing my second plateau, one that's definitely testing my willpower, determination, and motivation. Instead of losing the remaining 4 pounds, I've gained 2 within the past month. (Regrettably, I haven't taken measurements during this journey, and I can't really report any changes in inches, just pounds. That has changed, though, thanks to MyFitnessPal's measurements feature.)

You're probably thinking, "Seriously Ash?! Two pounds? You're stressing over two pounds?"

Well, yeah, I am. Yes, I'm totally aware that I have lost 95 pounds, that I'm much better off than where I was 3 years ago, that I feel better, feel more energetic, and I just feel healthier and happier than previous. I have that confidence and self-esteem that I needed to gain, knowing that I can do this. But when you're down to the wire, you see that light at the end of the tunnel, you're counting ounces instead of pounds, it starts to matter, and wear on a person. And it really plays serious mind games.

I'm trying really hard not to stress it. I've been able to reach out to a few people in my circle of friends that have said this is totally normal. I did slightly expect to plateau around 5 pounds to go, but not like this, and certainly not to gain weight. I've had my moments this week with it, notably a sleepless night or two with a few tears; all certainly adding up to more stress and perhaps keeping the weight on, not helping to take it off.

It is highly possible that yes, I am in fact gaining muscle, as it's been said many times to me this week, "Muscle weighs more than fat." I am fully aware of that. I have noticed that my hips and belly have started to thin, that my legs are a little leaner, but through this journey, I've said it before that I haven't really noticed much difference in the mirror. I see myself every day. It's the scale where I see results.

I've been so weight-number focused for the past 3 years, adjusting my thinking is going to be difficult. Obviously the scale can't accurately portray where I've come from and how I'm doing now. I'm so impatient that I usually don't notice results in the mirror, but eventually I will. At least, I hope.

For now, I'm going to chug along. My eating habits have been as good as they've ever been. I haven't given in to too many temptations that present themselves, and when I did have that cookie, it was tracked, and it certainly wasn't every day. I'm already much further than I was a month ago in that aspect, let alone over the course of 3 years.

About a week ago, I adjusted my calorie intake from 1,330 to 1,550 per day, plus what I get from running or working out in hopes to lose again. That roughly shifts from losing 1 pound per week to 1/2 per week. It just could be that I wasn't getting enough nutrition and calories needed, as my body is working harder and now needs more to burn fat. I can already tell a difference in feeling better, so at least there's that, right?

Eventually this extra weight has to go somewhere. After all, at 175 I didn't think I could lose any more and here I am sitting mid-150's.

I'm hoping to shift my thinking, as this is a life-long journey, not just to arrive at a certain "weight" number and then stop. As I said earlier, I'm already more active than I've ever been, running for solid 1/2 hour increments, gaining much more distance and stamina over the past 7 weeks of C25K than I've ever ran in my entire life. That's progress, its just on a different scale! ;)

...and as reminder/PSA:

(Special shout-out and HUGE thank you to Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat. for all of the wonderful advice and listening to my rants, complaints, and plain ol' bitching with my plateau. You truly are an amazing person, and I am so thankful I have been able to get to know you through social media. You are truly an inspiration to me! I can't thank you enough!)

C25K Race Recap: Fireworks 5k

As I wrap up Week 6 of C25K, let me first say how incredible it feels to know I've come this far in 6 weeks. Just 6 weeks! I've honestly never really felt as if running was beneficial before, more like a form of torture, however I feel almost as if I can do anything now after the progress I've made. To be honest, I still can't believe I don't hate running, and that I'm actually really, really enjoying it. I've found after rough or emotional days, I want to go out and run; pound pavement until all of the stress or bad feelings go away. It's really amazing what it's done for me.

Now the real reason for this post: I'm officially a 5k survivor...and I can't wait for more! I can proudly sit here and say/type, that yes, I have completed my first ever 5k, nerves and all, and loved every minute of it!

Before the race, I was nervous (see last blog post), but honestly as soon as the gun went off, everything faded and adrenaline took over. Much of the pre-race jitters I had were due to not feeling as if I was cut out for it; my training only took me across some minor hills on country roads, not twist, turns, and major hills that I would experience during this 5k, and also that I haven't done this before. Fear of the unknown is not my friend.

Week 6, Runs 1 and 2 leading up to the 5k actually weren't too bad, which gave me a bit more confidence than I had the night before the race. Run 1 was a bit of a refresher from Week 5, running for 5 minutes, walking for 3 minutes, running for 8 minutes, walking for 3 minutes, then running for 5 minutes, as well as a walking warm up and cool down. I completed Run 1 covering 3.06 miles over 34:56. Run 2 consisted of running for 10 minutes, walking for 3 minutes to recover, the running for another 10, and included a warm up and cool down walk. I completed 2.71 miles for a duration of 33:37, a little slower than Run 1, however it was also hotter. I completely expected that, however I was able to keep a pace of 12:25 min/mi, which I'm perfectly comfortable with.

Run 3 was race day; the Fireworks 5k in Richmond, benefiting the city's fireworks fund for July 4th festivities. I was able to check in early, hang out for a bit, calm (or make worse) my nerves, and take in all happenings. They had several booths set up for the 5k, including those of military branches representing and recruiting, a local fitness center with activities folks could join in on, as well as the gym's cafe making smoothies, homemade granola, and other healthy goodies. I picked up my race packet and chip, headed back to the car to get ready, putting on my number (below) and tie my timing and scoring chip to my shoe. (Side note: As a motorsports junkie, one who's been lucky enough to spend time at tracks with family-friends who race or have raced, I totally felt like a goof at that moment, realizing the chip was, for lack of better terms, my transponder. Seriously, I'm a nerd.)

I was able to meet up with my friend Erin, before the race, who was walking the 5k with several of her friends and coworkers. It was a great comfort knowing someone else at the 5k, along with one of my former coworker's mom, who I ran in to before the start. Erin was a little nervous going into this too, so it helped that we both shared concerns and fears prior to the start of the race, as well as catching up. It definitely helped ease the fears I had, so thank you Erin!

My initial plan was to run the race as best I could, as far as I could, while listening to my body and judging if or when I needed to walk, since I'm technically not finished with the Couch to 5k program. The last thing I wanted to do was injure myself. Or die. ;)

The plan was to run just as I would for Run 3 of Week 6: warm up-walk for 5 minutes, run for 25 minutes, and cool down-walk for 5 minutes, trying to pace myself. At the start, I did walk the first 5 minutes warming up, and I believe that was a plan that worked for the best. Results from the race showed that there were over 550 runners and walkers, and things bunched up pretty quickly at the start. The 5 minute walk was brisk of course, but it allowed me to clear my own space and for several people in our general area to spread out, allowing me to do my own thing. At the end of my 5-minute warm up walk, I yelled over to Erin I'd see her at the finish line, and I was off!

(At the start of my run, and I'm not sure who all was involved as regretfully I didn't look back, I had a group of ladies shout for me, giving me encouragement, yelling "Go Ashley!" Whoever it was, thank you! That really gave me a HUGE boost of confidence, and meant a lot to me!)

The start of my run took me down a hill, a turn to the right, and on to North Dr., the main road along the back part of the park, down to the intersection of Elks Rd. This part of North Dr., after the hill, was primarily flat. Once I got to Elks Rd., they had us turn around and head back, but taking the split to the right at the hill I ran down previously. I hit Mile Marker 1 on North Dr., shortly before the split, at 12:55. At this point, I had started to settle into a bit of a pace, just kind of cruising and taking in the scenery. (The park where the 5k is held is absolutely beautiful (and shaded!), and I wasn't about to not breathe in the outdoors!)

As we rounded the back part of the park, and after the "valley" of North Dr., about half-way between Mile 1 and Mile 2 was Buffalo Hill. Now let me preface this by saying that Buffalo Hill was all I heard about during the pre-race festivities; "Beware Buffalo Hill," among other choice phrases and curses. It was intimidating, as many had said that as you're cruising up the hill, you don't really feel it until you almost hit the top, then you die. I can honestly that's exactly how I felt, and it wasn't really joyful. I didn't once stop to walk the hill, and I think that also gave me a bit of a boost afterwards, but half-way up, I certainly started to feel it. Luckily after Buffalo Hill, we saw both a small downward slope, Mile Marker 2, and a water station. Well played. (My body and thirst thanks you for that, race officials.) Mile 2, I ran in 11:59, but unfortunately at this point I started to feel some ankle pain in both ankles. I'm still not sure from what, or if maybe I was just stomping too hard from excitement?

At the 2 1/2 mile-ish point, we wound our way out onto US Highway 40 along the sidewalk. If at anytime I could've felt self-conscious, now was it. Since we weren't running ON US 40, it wasn't closed down for the race, and naturally people driving by into Richmond started gawking. Slightly awkward, but I wasn't on the highway for long, as we turned back to the left and into the main entrance of the park, along the waterfall-lined drive, towards the band shell and Glen Miller Park Lake (complete with geese staring at us... Insert my, "Stop looking at me, swan," movie quote here. I hope you got that.)

After rounding the pond, approaching the 3.1 mile start/finish line, you wind back to the right, and up a hill. UP. Convenient, right? Especially when I should be running out of gas, so-to-speak. I'm honestly still not sure where this burst of energy came from, whether it be adrenaline, excitement, relief I'm ALMOST done, or what, but I started hauling the mail in a dead sprint towards the finish line.

My goal was to complete the 5k sub-40, and I honestly was a little bummed crossing the line at 40:02 (more on that in a sec), but I was so completely relieved, because I just ran 2.75-ish miles. Solid. Complete.  

Without. 

Freaking. 

Stopping.

(No EMTs were needed, or collapsing and requiring CPR.)

I'm pretty much still on Cloud 9 at this point. The only issues I have today is a slight left hip pain and sore left back muscle, however I feel really good! I didn't get a chance to stretch after the race, so it may be from that, but I plan to stretch really good tonight, and keep working the stiffness out of my hip. My left ankle was also a little sore this morning, however as the day progressed, I haven't had any issues and the soreness is gone. We will definitely see how I feel during tomorrow's run.

All in all, I'm thrilled that I took the opportunity to run the Fireworks 5k, and I really can't wait until the next one! The terrain was a little rough, something I wasn't used to, as again, what I've trained on isn't anything but flat, however for what the race consisted of, I'm ecstatic! So much so, I'm giving serious thought to running a 5k Thursday, July 4, nearby, however I'm starting to lean towards sitting it out, especially with my hip and ankle soreness. That call will probably come that morning.

Now, back to my finishing time. As an airhead (I have my moments...), you know how the time clock starts when the race begins? Yes, I crossed at 40:02, and yes the image from Runtastic below says 40:22, (I forgot to stop my timing after the race, more concerned with getting the chip off of my shoe and turned in) but your time doesn't start until you cross the mat, hence the scoring chip (or transponder, teehee).

My official race time? 39:10.

I did finish sub-40 :)