C25K Progress and Other Updates...

Blogger's Note: I'm really sorry I haven't had a chance to update everyone on my progress of late. School has officially taken over my life...again...but I promise I will try to update everyone on a more regular basis. I had a streak going for a bit, but I also will have a bit more "adventures" once I begin my next challenge to fill folks in on. More on that below....

Nine weeks. It's been nine weeks since I've had the all clear to run. Nine weeks since my recovery process "ended," and I could get back to my somewhat-normal active lifestyle again. How do I know? Upon completion of my typical Wednesday night between-work-and-class run, I will have completed the Couch to 5K program. Again. (Phew.)

As much as I cannot stand (sic: hate with every depth of my being) the dreadmill treadmill, it's absolutely wonderful to be able to run again. I'm much happier getting sweaty (don't take that the wrong way, folks), I'm happier being able to just get out whatever stress or aggression I have that day by pounding fake-moving-pavement. I'm happier dealing with people when I'm running. )Be happy I'm running, ladies and gents. You wonder how nice I am each day? I run.) ;)

...but in the midst of running, I've also picked up strength training. I gave the kettlebell a bit of a go, however I've started to slack off on it a bit, as I prefer to use a video to guide me and I'm just not home much during the week. (Plus, have you ever ran the day after kettlebell training? Don't. That's my advice. That was poor planning on my part.) I'm not a fan of lifting weights, as I need something "fun" to keep me engaged, not repetitive motion, while staring at my self struggling in a mirror. However the more I lift, the more strength I gain, and the more muscle definition I see (I've got guns...), the more I want to work at it. I don't pour sweat like I do while running, however I definitely feel it the next day. Or day after. Or the third day in some cases... I've also started to focus on a few areas of my body that I want to tone, areas that have a bit more loose skin than I'd like. I'm starting to get biceps, my triceps are bit less jiggly (bye-bye batwings!), and my abs hurt when I laugh. That's a good sign, right?

But in toning, I'm also seeing my measurements shrink, (which is awesome)! I've shifted my focus to less scale, more measurements in numbers (that could be an entire blog in itself), as the scale hasn't been much of a good guide as of late. It's been hard to shift my thinking. I'm not even going to lie... Ever hear muscle weighs more than fat? Yeah... I've been able to maintain my weight "number," if not gain pounds in some instances, but my jeans still fit and I'm seeing muscle tone and definition with what I'm working on. It's a total mind-shift, just as "dressing thinner," and thinking more "my size" were, and they weren't easy, but as I always say - I'm a work in progress.

And in speaking of the gym, I'm starting to get a little more comfortable walking in, buckling down, and getting to work. When I first walked in to the gym that I use, (on my college campus; free for students, and it's pretty nice, but I've never used a gym before, period) I panicked. I'm not even kidding. It's like my mind melted. I had my game plan: treadmill. I thought, "Really Ashley? You're going to let these youngins' intimidate you?" To which I replied, "Well, yeah. Look at them. It's the f**king track team working out in there. You're 27. You don't belong. You can't run like the wind."

Guess what? A few treadmill/weight sessions in, I'm showing those 'youngins' who's boss...

(Kidding! Really, I'm still puny, and I'm not "boss." But hey, I try. That's what counts. Right?)

Anyway... Moving on...

I'm a goal-driven person. I think I've mentioned that on here before, but I need something to focus on. A prize to "eye" if you will... With completing the Couch to 5k program tomorrow night, it puts me back in position for the half-marathon hunt. Prior to May....  :) (See my Bucket List.)

May is my favorite month of the year by far, just as many other Hoosiers would tell you. I live for this month for one reason: the Indy 500. But every year, we kick the month off with the Mini Marathon, usually the first weekend in May.  And it's been squarely on my Bucket List since before I lost my weight. I've always dreamed of completing it, and was in great position pre-December to work towards it. Knee surgery pretty much derailed what I thought wouldn't happen in 2014, however with getting back into the running-groove, I signed up.

I just did it one day. I found myself whipping out the credit card and saying, "to hell with it. Go big or go home, Ash." Coworkers, friends, and acquaintances alike said that even with being about four weeks behind the day of the race, I still would have a good shot at safely completing it, if I run and walk. My goal is to just complete 13.1 - walk, run, or crawl. It's my first, so time isn't a concern of mine. (The trail bus is, though.) I've also contacted a friend of mine from high school regarding the Mini, a runner and former prom date (that's another convo for another day, but it has a pretty cool background story). I asked him if he and another classmate of ours were planning to run the Mini again this year, as they have completed it before. He hadn't given much thought to it until I asked, but he agreed he'd run it with me (after warning him I'm slower than a herd of turtles). I do feel a little relieved that someone will be there with me, however it's just me and the pavement.... (Ok. I'll be honest, though: I'm petrified about the half.)

Now if the weather will just cooperate... (I'm dreading treadmill training if I have to run 4+ miles in one sitting. I'd rather fork my eyeballs out.)

Make sure to tune in for upcoming half-marathon training updates, as I'm sure I'll have plenty! I'm hoping to also start running "organized" 5k's again soon as I love them, once the weather turns for the better. I'm ready to be able to get outdoors and run the country roads again too, just as much as anyone else is ready for warmer weather.

I've got that itch! (Who knew?!)

Confessions of an Ungirlie Girl

My boss says I look fabulous, but I'm just not feeling it today. It's not for a lack of trying, though.

I swear there's a dark side to being a "girlie" girl.

And I fail. Everytime.

Today is "picture day" for work, at least us "in action," with maybe a group shot or two. We were told to dress up by my wonderful (she really is) supervisor today, or at least business casual, but when you drop "picture" in there, I'm going to try too hard. Way too hard. I assume these pictures are for a marketing campaign of sorts, as we're gearing up for the launch of our new department at work after receiving my promotion to a new position in September, so I want to rock it. (Not going to lie, I do. And I wouldn't mind a great weight loss/professional picture I could use in the process. It's not too often you'll catch me "dressed up.")

But regardless of pictures or a promotion, I'm trying to embrace this new "girl" thing overall, after dropping weight and hitting goal.

Bottom line? I suck at being a girl.

With my weight loss, I'm trying to be a bit more girlie, in addition to dressing more my weight. My friend "R" forced persuaded me to buy a sweater-dress a few seasons ago after losing 75 pounds, on one of our shopping trips. It seemed to be the only comfortable "dress" I'd wear at the time and it took a bit of a push to get me in it, but I'm pretty sure she had an evil plan to get me to look like a girl all along. At least that's what I thought when she rubbed her hands together saying, "Muahahaha." (Kidding! Sort of... She succeeded though.) But who knew I'd like wearing them now, since the legging trend is in? I actually don't mind it now. (Side note/true story: I wore shorts under my wedding dress the day I  married Mr. K, I hated dresses that much. I couldn't wait to get out of it and back into jeans and race tee.)

But let's bring it back to today. Yesterday, I received a new pair of work shoes, courtesy of Kohl's and FedEx, but I'm not exactly seasoned in sporting pumps. Ok, well, they're not really pumps, more of a loafer-chunky-heel, but I fell in love with them on the website, thought they'd be super cute, and bought them. (I didn't think about the whole not-a-bootie, there's no strap around the ankle kind-of-thing. Oops.) I've tried to sport pumps for a wedding before, but ask "R" about our trip to DSW for nude-colored pumps... I went home with nude-colored flats instead.

Anyway, I figured today would be the perfect day to sport my new loafer-heels to work, because I'm slightly obsessed excited about them, and like picture day in elementary school, I want to look my best. As soon as I slipped them on to walk across my kitchen however, curse words flew out of my mouth. As a hockey fan (and just me in general), I have no filter towards cursing when I'm away from work.

...and I could easily handle hockey skates better than these things on my feet today.

...but in my quest for total girlieness today, I'm still adjusting to my shorter hair when it comes to curling irons and I now have a burnt forehead, in addition to walking like a newborn deer. Add in the fact my cute blazer I've been wanting to wear forever since I scored it on clearance is "Dry Clean Only," (let's just say I sweat. I'll probably forget to pick it up at the cleaners after taking it to have it cleaned,) girlieness isn't exactly what I'm feeling today.

But, as much as my hair, outfit, and shoes are driving me crazy, today's going to happen anyway. So I might as well rock it while I can.

Carpe Diem, right?

 Here's my outfit I'm attempting to rock today...
(Shoutout and thank you to favorite coworker Pam for nabbing this picture for me!)

Carpe diem Thursday, folks! :)

Scary Thoughts

As I’m sitting here writing this blog, currently it’s -11 deg. F. It’s brutal-cold. I don’t plan to go outside at all today if I can help it, though I’m scheduled to run my second run of the second week of Couch to 5K (again). Since it’s a snow day from work, I figure an update is in order, among several other things I have planned, like learning how to arm-knit. Seriously.

However, I’ve had some rather scary thoughts over the past few days.

You could say I love to travel. I’m a pilot’s daughter. I have the travel-bug, the need to explore. I’m the type of person to either, A.) Have a scheduled sightseeing tour down the second when being touristy, or B.) Set out (most likely on my own) and just wander aimlessly, taking in a city by foot, people-watching and trying to blend in as best as this Hoosier can, while getting lost and submersing myself into a new culture. This year, I have what could be the best opportunity to travel several places in 2014; by far being the most I’ve traveled in one summer since graduating college. I’m hoping, among a few races with an internship possibility, a few races and road trip to Central PA, and a trip to Boston to visit a now close-friend (who I still wish didn’t move, but I understand...), it could be a rather cool 2014! (At least I hope…)

But then my mom dropped what I’ve wanted to hear a week or so ago when having a mother/daughter lunch: Cruise to the Bahamas.

Um, yes please?!

It’s currently -11F and dropping in Indiana; meanwhile it’s a balmy 73F in Nassau. Do we really have to wait until May?!

I’ve been on the cruise before, my last being just shy of my 21^st birthday. Yes, it’s the Disney Cruise, but my mom and I both had a blast. Can we say, Serenity Bay? (Adults ONLY beach: Hell. Yes.)

Anyway, my first thought wasn’t, “Oh, I LOVE Nassau!” It was, “Oh, God. Should I buy a bikini?”

Which then ensues panic.

Sheer. Panic.

You see, it’s always been my dream, or kind of a ‘bucket list’ item, to actually be able to pull one off, though the pure thought of actually wearing one freaks me out. I’m too modest, but I want to do it. Just once to say I have. (But NO PICTURES ALLOWED.)

The only thought getting me through is that most folks on the boat with me, won’t see me again. Right?

I have about 4 or 5 months to get ready, and I’m running again, while also adding in kettlebell and weight training that I haven’t done before. I’m not going to be ripped by May or June, but I don’t want to jiggle everywhere. Seriously. That's how I feel...

As part of 2014’s resolution goal, I want to be able to embrace myself, my body, and get rid of all of the negative thoughts I have on a regular basis. You know, the “who cares if I have loose skin and stretch marks?” To be able to love myself wholly, and to not pick myself apart regarding imperfections. Rather, to embrace them.

But I’m incredibly self-conscious about everything. I hate the stretch marks I have. I hate the jiggle, the loose skin and wrinkles I have even if I’m doing ab work to the point laughing hurts.

…and yes, I know with time, it could go away. I can already see my obliques smoothing out which is kind of cool. While I was running pre-surgery, my legs started to take the shape of Carrie Underwood’s. (And seriously, she’s my fitness idol, I’m not going to lie. I love her, and her dedication to her fitness and health.)

I’m not the most patient person. If anything, we learned that post-op, didn’t we? But I think that’s also why I look at the scale too much, not measurements and definition, which is what I should focus upon now as I shift to maintenance instead of weight loss. Let’s face it, it’s the instant-gratification world I live in that is driving it. (I know that.)

But in the meantime, while stressing thinking of beach weather and bikinis, I’m throwing around options. There’s the midkini (which is apparently a thing) that rides a bit lower from the bust, and a little higher around the waist (perrrrrfect option for my conscious). There’s the tankini, which is also two-piece, with a tank top covering most of the stomach area. The one I really want though, found via Pinterest, is a lace covered one piece, in the style of a bikini, but the lace covers the midriff area. Only problem? $130. (I croaked.)

Whenever I find one, which it’s still going to be a while, I’ll share, but it won’t be me wearing it in the picture. I'm not the person who lifts their shirt for selfies of their abs. I’m too modest and uncomfortable with the thought, even if I am in shape. It makes me shudder just thinking of showing off my stomach, let alone anything else in open air, and God forbid, public...on a beach.

Oof. I have a long way to go, don’t I?

 

Ready to Ring in 2014

Last year, to kick off 2013, I set a resolution of hitting my weight loss goal of 100 pounds, while entering my healthy weight range for the first time since who knows when. It certainly still doesn’t feel as if I’ve arrived at my “destination” of healthiness. Hell, I still feel I eat like garbage, or that I could be doing more than what I currently am regarding working out, cardio or strength training. But the only thing I can really think of is, “Wow. I finally stuck to a resolution. How ‘bout that?”

I’m honestly always at a loss for resolutions. I hate setting them. I never stick to them. (Except for last year’s, but who really does?) There’s always the, “I’m going to work out more. Go to the Gym. Eat better,” resolution, but I’m already living that as best I can. I could’ve gone with the, “I’ll go to more hockey games,” but my husband shot that down. I thought about being more “carefree” but who am I kidding? I wouldn’t be me without worry.

Mr. K and I were discussing what we thought our resolutions could be for 2014, just random conversation during the 45 minute drive home from Christmas celebrations with my family. After about five minutes of giggling, serious tones, and several, “Are you really going to stick with that?!,” I thought to myself, “I want to be happier with  myself.” So I ran it by him. He adamantly agreed.

I’ll be honest, even after losing 110 pounds, I haven’t been able to actually look at myself in the mirror and feel satisfied or happy with what I see. Mr. K hears it all the time, especially in the past few days after gluttonous feasts on Christmas goodies (and tooooooooooo many cookies to count). I haven’t felt exactly my best, and with surgery and not being able to run or really workout (my words, I could’ve worked out but I used it as an excuse), really put me down for the past few months. I try not to focus on the negative, but I still find it hard, especially on days I feel “fat.” (And lately, that’s been more than not.)

I don’t know where the negative thinking really comes from. Is it negative feelings caused by emotional scars from past experiences? Am I just not confident enough with who I am? (That’s improved drastically in my twenties, though. I used to NEVER go up and talk to anyone I didn’t know. Now? Hell, no problem! I’m one of the friendliest and approachable girls you’ll meet!) But I only ever want to feel good about myself, and if that means letting go of negative thoughts, the past, whatever, I’ll do it. In 2014.

So that’s my goal, my resolution. New year, new outlook.

Just as I was thinking and browsing Facebook on my lunch hour today, Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat., and also one of my favorite Twitter/Facebook/all around rock star friends, posted this bit from Mind, Body, Green, and I think really hammers home what I’m hoping to accomplish with my resolution for 2014. (You have impeccable timing, Dacia!) Here are a few highlights I personally want to improve upon most:

ü  2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

ü  3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

Anyone that knows me, knows this may be the hardest. Thanks to Mr. K, I’m known as “The Planner.”

ü  5. Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

Bahahahahahaha! Ok. Better.

ü  8. Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

ü  10. Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

And the two I feel are most important overall:

ü  19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

ü  20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are. Celebrate you!

…and speaking of celebrations, this morning’s physical therapy session went amazingly well, with my PTA saying, “You won’t be here long.” Testing the waters and pushing my luck at four weeks post-op, I asked, “When do you think I can attempt to run?” …and she said…I quote, “You can run whenever you’re comfortable. Just take it easy, and know that you may be sore. Ice and Ibuprofen are still your closest friends.”

Wait. What? I CAN RUN AGAIN???

Of course, I definitely plan to take it easy. I can’t go out and run three miles flat with no problem. There will be problems if I even attempt it. I haven’t ran since mid-October and we’re approaching January.

So what’s my plan?

Currently, it’s cold. I don’t like cold weather and unless it’s 45 degrees with no wind but plenty of sun, I won’t run outside. I do have the dreadmill, and that’s where I plan to start, beginning Couch to 5k completely over. From scratch. Week 1 of 9. I am hoping that I can stay on pace so that come February, I can start in for half training, using a run/walk plan a Twitter friend passed on to me. At this point, I don’t know or even expect to be able to run the entire Indy Mini, I’ll need to walk some, but I just want to complete it. That’s what’s on my bucket list and at the end of 13.1 miles, just crossing the finish line will be sweet enough. Thinking about it gives me goosebumps, and if I want to run the entire thing, there is always May 2015. Or the Air Force Half, or the Flying Pig, both in Ohio in Fall 2014. We’ll see.

For right now, I’m just focused on completing Couch to 5k again, getting myself back in running shape to around 9+ miles per week average. From there, who knows?

The sky’s the limit. I know. I still can’t fathom losing the equivalent of a person, let alone running one mile, or even three, in one sitting. But I’ve done it. So now, I’m setting sights on 2014, and pray that it’s even better than 2013. If it is, I won’t know how to act!

Thank you for continuing to read my posts, as well as giving me support! It means the world to me! So, Happy New Year! I hope that 2014 brings you many blessings! :)

Post-Surgery Update (3 Weeks late...)

Well, I survived surgery, and I'm surviving in the midst of recovery. (Bonus: I also survived Finals week post-surgery with two A's, and I didn't kill anyone in the process. Oh, thank you Lord!)

We're going in to Week 3 post-surgery and things are progressing, you could say, after knee surgery. We're not progressing as quickly as I'd hoped, but if I had my way, I would have been running on the treadmill the day after surgery. Not exactly realistic, (I get that) but I'm getting there.

Week 1 saw much frustration for me, and I wasn't exactly my happiest I've been. I couldn't walk normally until about the Friday after surgery (and thank goodness I did; meeting new folks and attending a motorsports tradeshow wasn't exactly business-like if I had been limping around). Physical therapy, began two days after surgery, has had its ups and downs. The first appointment brought me tears and frustration, thoughts of never being able to walk "normal" again, let alone actually running. I didn't hurt (I never actually did hurt), as everyone still asks me if I'm in pain. No, it was more stiffness; lack of movement, or as I liked to refer to it as "dragging a peg leg around." Measurement and comparisons of range of motion were aggravating, however it set a goal for me to meet; something I could work on and gain back. Hope wasn't exactly lost.

It was explained to me at my first PT appointment, that a normal person's knee should bend at around 120 degrees, my right bending 145 (overachiever, I know). My left, the one in which I had the scope and meniscus repaired, only bent at 94 degrees two days after surgery. With prescribed exercises though, by the second appointment,  I was bending at 118 degrees, much improvement from the appointment before.

During Week 1, I also had my follow up post-op appointment with the surgeon. Things looked so good that I was officially released from their care that day, and that I could resume "any activity as I saw fit." Hmph. Hooray! But that was a bit of a loaded statement...

Week 2 saw many improvements, including being able to walk "normally" again. I attended one of the biggest motorsport trade shows the Friday after surgery, and managed rather well during, however the day after, after being on my feet for more than eight hours, wasn't exactly the greatest, and resumed limping again. Add in ice and rest, I was walking again normally within two days. Yeah for progress!

I'm currently in Week 3, and things have started to progress much better! I'm still a little swollen and sore around the incision sites, but I finally have my range of motion back to the full extent. I've started slight weight-bearing exercises, while also starting a scar massage each night to break up any scar tissue that began to form. In physical therapy, I've been reintroduced to the elliptical and bike, hoping to build on aerobics again. I was also told I could run again this past Sunday, just not pushing it too far for too long, dependent upon how I felt Saturday after using the equipment. I decided against it, as I didn't want to put myself too far, potentially reinjuring whatever could've been fixed (even if the doctor said I couldn't damage anything further). I just don't feel like I'm quite ready.

Diet-wise, things took a nosedive this past weekend, as we celebrated Christmas with my grandparents and family. My Oma constantly has sweets and cookies abound, and let's just say I could've easily ate my weight in cookies. Actually, it was more like, I did. I've tried to clean things up again this week, but Christmas isn't easy on my waistline or diet. I know I'll get back into a routine very soon, however it's still hard, especially since I give in to food-temptations really, really easily. This too shall pass, right? Feedback. It's "feedback." But even with "feedback," I'm frustrated with myself, however I know I can't be perfect. I wasn't for three and a half years, but still lost the weight with time.

I am hoping (read: praying desperately) I can run again soon, as I feel time is starting to get away from me regarding training for the Mini, my first half-marathon. At this point, for me it's going to be walk, run, or crawl to finish, however I want to be smart about it and try to run as much as I can before, but not killing myself in the process. I plan to start Couch to 5K all over again, and that will take about 9 weeks if I don't progress any quicker than when I first started running. I really should be running 12 total miles per week by February to start training comfortably for the Mini, however February is 2 months away, and I feel I won't be able to get through C25K quick enough, especially since I haven't reintroduced running to my recently-repaired knee. I know it will take time, but I've said before I'm not the most patient person. The doctor said I could start running again in 4-6 weeks, and if I feel up to it, it sounds like it will happen soon. I plan to actually cross-train and start adding in weights again, as I did right before my surgery, while running. That should help regarding muscle development and getting me back in to running shape quicker. At least I hope...

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive. As many have said, "You'll have good days and bad, but just be patient." I've definitely had both, but so far more good that bad, which is highly positive! Patience isn't my strength, but I'm learning, though.

I want to wish Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat., all of the best of luck in her recovery as well, as she bounces back from (a much more invasive) surgery. She's been such an inspiration for me, as well as becoming someone I'm lucky to call a friend. I wish you all of the best, my dear! You'll be rockin' it again in no time flat, and I'm so proud of you in all that you've accomplished!

I also want to give a huge thank you to both my husband Brandon, and my momma Jill. They've been my sounding board through all of this, and have definitely heard me at my worst while lifting me up to be my best. Without them, I wouldn't be where I'm at in my journey, and definitely wouldn't have made it through surgery and this far into recovery without their support. I also want to thank Brandon for making me a hair appointment just two days after surgery so that I could have my hair washed and styled before we went to lunch (aka:when I first saw daylight again). Getting me out of the house, as cold and snowy as it was, was definitely the boost I needed to get me through those first few days. (And I felt like a new woman by just having my hair washed and styled.) It's the little things he does for me that makes me so thankful and grateful I have him.

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! I hope it's fun and food-filled while spending lots of time with friends and family!

More updates to come soon... :)

So When Can I Run Again?!

If you couldn't tell by the title, the surgery went so much better than I had expected!

And the snowstorm lost! (Remember when I said the weatherman called for 14 inches and we only get two? That happened.)

Mr. K and I got up around 4:15am, set to leave at 5, giving us over an hour and half should it be needed to get to the hospital typically just 40 minutes away. We made it by 6, beating the ambulatory care staff.

(Side note: While waiting for to get taken back to get prepped for surgery, there was a great article hanging in the waiting room about my doctor inventing a partial knee replacement alternative to the traditional. Little did I know, he was a pitcher during collegiate days, turning down an MLB contract with the Kansas City Royals to pursue medicine. I'm very thrilled he chose medicine, but he's a pretty cool dude. And one hell of a doctor.)

As soon as we got checked in, they took me back to get changed, interrogated asked me all kinds of questions, which knee they're operating on, do you have any questions, medical history, could you be pregnant, and on and on. The surgical nurse then came in, asked a few more questions, followed shortly by my anesthesiologist (who was sarcastic and hilarious for 6am, even as nervous as I was about him). He asked a few questions, kind of gave me a run down of his procedure, what he will do, (which then proceeded to freak me out a little more), and then joked he could give me a shot to quell any fears I may have. He said, "You'll be feeling fine in no time. You'll get 10 hours of sleep in about 20 minutes. We good?"

After waiting for confirmation Dr. R was in the parking lot (slick roads were an issue and they certainly didn't want to put me out and the doc not show), the show was on the road. As they took me back, they introduced themselves (even if I don't remember them), asked a few more questions, slid me over to the operating table, then asked me why I was here. After I proceeded to tell them, "I ran too much," my weight loss journey came up.

The last thing I remember is telling the anesthesiologist I lost my weight 100% by diet and exercise, no surgery, and joking about Charles Barkley and the, "Eat like a man," campaign from Weight Watchers. We laughed, and the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery with the, "I forgot to tell him about MyFitnessPal," train of thought rolling through my head. Oops.

I literally didn't even see Dr. R. I had to ask my husband if he was even there. I cracked up laughing thinking, "How do I know he was the one who operated on me?" to which Mr. K replied, "I talked to him. He was there. Promise. He really did it."

As crazy as it seems, everything has gone amazingly well since. (Almost too well if you ask me.) Mr. K spoke with Dr. R post-surgery, saying everything had gone to plan, removed the tear, took some pictures, and sutured me up. What makes me feel so much better though, is knowing that my knees are "of my age." Dr. R had mentioned to Mr. K that despite carrying so much extra weight over a longer period of time, my knees are in great shape for my age, and that he was rather surprised by the condition. (Phew....)

But now the fun begins...

(TMI alert...)

I can't shower until tomorrow. It's driving me crazy, and I do feel gross. The bandages are starting to itch. Instructions say not to remove my bandages for three days, however Dr. R did say I can tomorrow. I'll be allowed to shower, removing any bandages I have, covering up the incisions, do my thing, then wrap everything back up. I'm currently bandaged from thigh to toe on my left leg, with a huge bulge at my knee. I've been curious, wanting to see what the incision looks like, though every time I go to look, Mr. K swats my hand. My knee is quite swollen as expected (poking it just to see), however I've propped it up, kept it iced, and tried to limit myself.

I was able to leave the house this morning and return to some typical Saturday-normalcy, as Mr. K made an appointment for me to get my hair washed and styled before taking me to lunch. IT FELT GREAT. (Even if I looked like someone who belonged on 'People of WalMart.') I also got through the grocery store, though by the end of it, I could tell my knee was horribly swollen. I found that limit... And I honestly hate limits.

I am trying to limit myself, however I have have had ZERO pain, and only had to use crutches once, leaving the hospital. I've put weight on my leg since, only having a weird squish sound every once in a while if I bend it a certain way. )By the way, I really hope that's normal...)

My follow up post-surgery appointment is scheduled for first thing Monday morning, followed by physical therapy that afternoon. I'm not sure how much will be required, though with the lack of pain I've had, I'm confident, ready to start running laps (though I know I have a ways to go).

I can honestly say I don't understand why I freaked out so much before, especially knowing now how well everything went. I can't wait to get physical therapy started, and to get on my merry way and start to run again. It really feels good knowing the light is at the end of the tunnel.

Just My Luck

Dear Mother Nature,

Why on God's green (or soon to be white) Earth did you decided to schedule a snowstorm during my surgery? I'm not too thrilled. I know we have a love/hate relationship when it comes to your gloomy and grey winters, but could you cut it out? Let us compromise: How about you just dump what is supposed to be tomorrow, on us in January? I'll even let you double it? If you keep this up, I have a feeling we can't be friends much longer...

Sincerely,

Ash

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(Ok, but seriously...that's just my luck. I'm not even kidding. And people are spazzing around here. French Toast Warning!)

I always joke I make the worst hockey fan. I hate winter. Well, not completely, but I would hate it completely if hockey season wasn't in winter.

Tomorrow's the (scheduled) day for knee surgery and depending upon who you ask, we're basically getting smacked with 2-9" of snow starting tonight, ending sometime tomorrow evening. I'm rather miffed. I just want to get through this surgery and start to heal. Get over my nerves, get knocked out, wake up, and be on my merry (but gimpy) way. To run again.

The hospital called earlier this morning stating we still are on for tomorrow, I should be at present no later than 6:30am, and a bunch of other fun stuff like no eating or drinking anything after midnight. (Side note: Yes, I will die of starvation.) Surgery is scheduled for 7:30am (a 1/2 hour earlier than the first scheduled 8am), just in time for what could shape up to be a rather craptastic Indiana-winter day.

(As if I wasn't freaked out enough about the surgery, of course Momma Nature had to flex her muscles.)

I'm trying really hard not to freak out, however I'm not the easiest when it comes to things like this. I don't like not being in control, even though I know I have one of the best (and highly, highly recommended) doctors in the area performing my surgery, and well, you can't control the weather. The storm will happen regardless. The surgery will only take 20 minutes (if that), and I know it will take me longer to conk out before and wake up after than the actual procedure. But I'm still uneasy...

I've done my research (thank God for Google), as well as surgery prep, doing my homework of watching animated videos of what is to be performed. It's easy peasy, and I was fine until the anesthesia portion mentioned 'death.' Now before you say it, yes, I know it's a risk and they're basically just covering their asses. But 'out of sight, out of mind,' is something I thrive on. If I don't know about it or realize it, it's probably for the better, especially when I'm rapidly turning into Anxiety Girl (my alter ego).

(Totally me. Just ask anyone who really knows me.)

Then came my favorite question when being interrogated asked about medical history pre-surgery this morning: "Do you have a DNR order (Do Not Resuscitate) or Living Will?"

Sigh. Just stop already. Let me sign the waivers and just get it over with.

Again: I know it's totally a routine procedure, and I'm pretty sure Dr. R could do it with his eyes closed. This is a total cakewalk for him, however the fact that I'm not in control, or I have to be knocked for a loop and eventually unconscious still gets my nerves going...

I'm really trying hard not to freak out. Suck it up, Ash. You can't run without it, and it's not like you've been here before. Well, sort of.

Also, the lovely French Toast Warning isn't helping me in the slightest. (Whoever coined that phrase, you're a genius. Had a good giggle this morning over it.) For those who aren't sure what I mean by French Toast Warning, you know when everyone goes out and buys bread, milk, and eggs before a winter storm? What will you make? French Toast? There ya go...

So, here's hoping all goes well/scheduled. I'm still waiting to hear final totals for snow, but of course living in Indiana, every Hoosier knows 14+ inches of snow means two, and 2+ inches of snow means 14. It can change on a whim, just as anything can with life. (Older Ash is still trying to learn to let go what younger Ash wants to hang on to.) I'll try really hard to quit freaking out. Promise, folks.

Bottom line: I want to run again. The only way to do that, is to just do it.

(So suck it up, Anxiety Girl! The Indy Mini training won't happen without it!) ;)