It's Go Time!

Where have the last 22 days gone? Or the last few months of training for that matter?! I can’t believe it’s race-week already for my first half marathon, the OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon in Indianapolis.

Am I’m ready? Mentally, I’m actually better than I thought I’d be this week. I haven’t been super nervous, and as I picked up more race fuel yesterday I felt like I could tackle the world. But physically? No, I’m not ready. I haven’t been able to complete the plan according to schedule without a break for injury, but I’m as close as I can be and I won’t back down.

Through tapering and playing around with mileage, I’ve been able to run at least 9 miles during a long run, maintaining at least 12:00 min/mi, sometimes 12:30, however I’ve found I’m exhausted after 9. My legs were not happy with me Sunday, but I’ve bounced back much quicker than I thought I would, which gives me hope. No soreness today! We can chalk it up to chocolate milk, right? (By the way – yummiest recovery I’ve ever had! I WILL be chugging it after the race.)

I’ve nailed down my nutrition plan for my first half marathon using gummy chews either from Honey Stinger (thanks for the tip, Mark!), or the CLIF Shot Blocks. I’ve found GU’s or gels in general are the nastiest thing I have ever ate, and though they do not make me feel nauseous, they are warmed up with body heat in my belt. If I had them ice-cold or cool, I could probably choke them down, however I’m just not a fan. Another bonus with the Honey Stingers? The chews give me something to “chew” on, keeping me busy during at least a portion of the run. I plan to fuel up around the 4^th mile, as I find I fade around 6 or 7 if I don’t, as well as probably around 8, and then again around 11 if I’m feeling zapped to give me a needed boost to get to the finish line.

I’m a little worried about hydration personally, though there will be plenty of water and Gatorade, or “Pit Stops” as they named in true racing fashion, stationed along the route about every mile. I just need to make sure I swing by, and keeping drinking so I don’t get dehydrated. You can see them in the course map below:

If you aren’t exactly familiar with the map above, here’s a handy video from 2012, showing the course I’ll be running on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB6uQfNXJ3s&feature=youtu.be

The OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon, or the “Mini” as it’s called, is the nation’s largest half marathon, with it being the 7^th largest running event in the United States. Just as it’s sang to kick off the Indianapolis 500 every year, “Back Home Again in Indiana” will be performed before the first gun sounds. Kicking off my favorite month to be a Hoosier, the Mini Marathon is kind of the first “event” in a month-long celebration of our proud racing heritage. It makes me giddy just thinking I’ll be a part of it this year!

You’ll also be able to track me on the course while I’m running using the new app created for the Mini Marathon! More info located here:

http://www.500festival.com/RunnerTracking

You can find me by my bib number (26446), and each time I cross one of the 4 splits (one being the famed yard of bricks at Indianapolis Motor Speedway!), my timing will update through the app. (Though I’m not too concerned with time. Let me be clear. See my goals below.) Of course, I’ll have plenty of pictures through my Twitter account, too! I’ve enlisted Mr. K for his fab photography skills. (Inside joke.) Make sure to follow me @AshleyK199 :)

The race officially begins at 7:45a, with Wave 1 of runners taking off at 7:48a. Me, being the super-fast, agile, elite runner (hint: sarcasm) that I am, I’m bringing up the back of the pack. I purposely over-estimated my start time at 13:00 min/mi, placing me in Corral W, or the 5^th and final wave of the race. I’m due in my corral by 8:30a, however I’m sure I’ll be there much sooner, too excited and nervous for words. Wave 5’s start time is 8:45a, with the last runner or walker due in by 12:48p at the finish.

I plan to (no brainer) stop to kiss the ever-famous yard of bricks at Indianapolis Motor Speedway, however my fear is that when I do I will, A.) break cadence, (it happened Saturday with a “pit stop” and I had a hard time finding my groove for the last half of my 9-miler), B.) not be able to get back up, or C.) both.

My goals for the day are pretty plain and simple for someone running their first half-marathon, with the exception of the last:

1. Finish. (Preferably in under 3 hours, but I’m not pressuring myself on timing. I just want to finish.)

2. Don’t die. (I have a friend who is a nurse working the medical tent for the race. I love you Erin but no offense, I don’t want to see you Saturday. I know you will understand!)

3. Stay off the trail bus. (The trail bus runs at 18:00 min/mi, gathering up those who either are too slow of set timing regulations or those who cannot finish the race, in order to clear the course to resume normal traffic operations after the Mini in Indianapolis.)

4. Pucker up, butter cup! We’re kissing bricks! ;)

I’m going to need all of the luck and determination I can get to get through this. It’s not an easy feat, but I’m excited none the less. The course is packed with more than 80 bands and forms of entertainment, as well as a spirit competition occurring at the same time, with several cheer squads from high schools across the state. I’ve been told (shoutout and many thanks to@DJDaveSnow) to make sure my ear buds are out of my ears before I enter Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Bagpipers, yeah!

In the end, I’ll have a shiny new medal to adorn my beautiful plaque on my wall that says, “Celebrate every mile,” given to me by a dear friend (I still miss you Robin!) before she moved.

In addition to the medal, I’ll get a free beer, chocolate milk, plenty more freebies, a lap around the beautiful IMS (on foot), and the dirtiest kiss I’ve ever had plus a post-race party; but it’s much more than just material things I can touch or hold. It’s the sense of accomplishment, knowing that my drive and determination have paid off, that I can proudly say I went from 250 lbs to a half-marathoner in less than five years, and the fact that I can do anything I put my mind to. That means much more to me than you’ll ever know…

Blogger’s Note: I want to thank Mr. K himself for being my rock of support through training; the laughing about “coming to Jesus meetings” and “pit stops,” holding me while I’ve cried over a knee injury or foot issue. He mentioned last night how proud of me, and that all I could do was apologize for being so stubborn and “determined.” It’s what makes our marriage tick, I suppose?

22 Days and Counting

I seriously could puke right now.

Today's the day those running the 500 Festival Mini Marathon received their confirmation information, wave/seeding info, and bib numbers for the event, along with a participation guide.

...apparently, they are okay with me running. That's good to know?

I'm in the last (5th) wave, starting at 8:45am, and hopefully crossing the finish line no later than noon-ish, I hope. (Just in time for beer and a lunch. Ha!)

To be honest - I'm really, really nervous. It's my first half marathon, so I expected some nerves, but am I ready? No. Absolutely not. (Hell no would actually be more of a proper response.) My training has hit a wall, I'm getting burnt out, and my foot still hasn't fully healed, while I've also not been "officially" cleared to run from the doctor just yet, with 22 days to go. (Um, yeah?)

I should really quit complaining, right?

Honestly, I have the worst gut-feeling this is going to be bad, awful, or just plain embarrassing. I'm not happy with my training, I'm not happy with not running, and I'm supposed to be running 11 miles this weekend.

Am I being to hard on myself? Yeah, probably, and I should just shove everything aside and enjoy the moment. I'm not sure what happened to the girl who just wanted to stay off the (18 min/mile) trail bus, not die, and cross the finish line healthy and happy. Screw time! Nothing wrong with that at all.

(But Competitive-Ashley isn't thinking that way. She needs to shut it, right?!)

I honestly think I've let me competitiveness get the best of me, which has burnt me out quickly while also filling my thoughts with negative and toxic worries. So my goal for the next 22 days? Not care.

Be happy. Take it all in. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Don't die. Listen to the bagpipers while I enter Indianapolis Motor Speedway for my lap around the track and smooch of the famed bricks (thanks for the tip, Dave!). And smile when you cross the finish line.

“Much of what we consider valuable in our world arises out of (these) one-sided conflicts. Because the act of facing overwhelming odds, produces greatness and beauty.”

― Malcolm Gladwell, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants

 

Blogger's Note: I'll have more details in the coming days; a race preview of the Mini. And hopefully by then a not so, "woe-as-me" post. Negative Ashley can take a hike and never come back. ;)

The Peanut Gallery

I've been meaning to write this blog for sometime, addressing one thing in particular that absolutely drives me up a wall during my weight loss journey. But let me first say that I appreciate all of the support my friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances learning my "story," and anyone else who has cheered me on in hopes of becoming a "better" me. It's still extremely humbling to know I have such an amazing support network behind me, and to this day, it still feels so undeserving. I can't begin to thank each and every one of you for all of the support, cheers, and positive thoughts you've given me, but I can say this: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. :)

Now on to the post.... (Deep breath, Ash.)

The "Peanut Gallery."

It happens weekly; the questions about my weight loss I get are almost predictable, but it has been four years.

"How much weight have you lost?"

"How are you doing it?"

"How do you stay on track?"

"You must work out constantly?"

...and then my favorites (hint: sarcasm ahead):

"I bet you don't eat any cheeseburgers, do you?"

"Oh, another salad today?"

"Are you sure you don't have an eating disorder?"

"You mean you actually ate a carb?" (Yes, someone actually has asked me that, to which I replied, "I eat them everyday." *Smile. Walk-away.*)

"When are you going to stop losing weight?"

The last one has honestly been nails on the chalkboard as of late for me, with several folks asking/commenting, or telling me I've lost "too much." Just as a close family member suggested I had an eating disorder at Thanksgiving because "I've lost too much weight and need to stop," I'm starting to hear those words again from several, and I can honestly say they cut just as deep as the comments I had when I was "fat."

I know I should be comfortable with myself enough that I shouldn't hang on to these words, however it's hard. It really is.

But I want to make this very clear: I eat. I eat a lot. And I eat to fuel my body.

No, I am not starving myself. (I couldn't. I, A) am trying to be smart about what I'm doing, as I want to be healthy, not skinny, and B) really, really love food that much.)

No, I'm not working out every waking moment of the day. I have a life, and I like to live it, even if school is taking away from "social time."

If I know that I'm going to have a large meal (or one that might test my calorie maintenance "limit" for the day), I run. I run to eat. And when I mean eat, I mean eat. I can still put food away, and I'm not ashamed of it.


...but I can tell you what is happening: I'm losing inches, as my goal now is to maintain, but tone. I have quite a bit of loose skin, stretch marks, cellulite, or any other fun things that comes with losing 110+ pounds. It's not pleasant, I don't like it, but I'm working to improve myself so that I am happy with how I look, and who I am as a whole. I have not lost any weight on the scale number-wise, and honestly, I'm shifting my focus away from it. I will not let food or the scale rule me, as I want to be able to share the ever-amazing Mississippi Mud Pie I did yesterday with a close friend/former coworker and not feel bad about it. (It was delish, by the way. I don't feel bad about it, either.)

...and I really don't want you, the reader, to take this post the wrong way. Please, don't. I'm not trying to come across as selfish, but the words about being "too skinny" cut just as deep as when they were about being "fat."

Bottom line: I am not starving myself for "image." I promise you.

So I will leave you with this:

Be happy. Be healthy. But most importantly, be you. (And be happy with "you!")

C25K Progress and Other Updates...

Blogger's Note: I'm really sorry I haven't had a chance to update everyone on my progress of late. School has officially taken over my life...again...but I promise I will try to update everyone on a more regular basis. I had a streak going for a bit, but I also will have a bit more "adventures" once I begin my next challenge to fill folks in on. More on that below....

Nine weeks. It's been nine weeks since I've had the all clear to run. Nine weeks since my recovery process "ended," and I could get back to my somewhat-normal active lifestyle again. How do I know? Upon completion of my typical Wednesday night between-work-and-class run, I will have completed the Couch to 5K program. Again. (Phew.)

As much as I cannot stand (sic: hate with every depth of my being) the dreadmill treadmill, it's absolutely wonderful to be able to run again. I'm much happier getting sweaty (don't take that the wrong way, folks), I'm happier being able to just get out whatever stress or aggression I have that day by pounding fake-moving-pavement. I'm happier dealing with people when I'm running. )Be happy I'm running, ladies and gents. You wonder how nice I am each day? I run.) ;)

...but in the midst of running, I've also picked up strength training. I gave the kettlebell a bit of a go, however I've started to slack off on it a bit, as I prefer to use a video to guide me and I'm just not home much during the week. (Plus, have you ever ran the day after kettlebell training? Don't. That's my advice. That was poor planning on my part.) I'm not a fan of lifting weights, as I need something "fun" to keep me engaged, not repetitive motion, while staring at my self struggling in a mirror. However the more I lift, the more strength I gain, and the more muscle definition I see (I've got guns...), the more I want to work at it. I don't pour sweat like I do while running, however I definitely feel it the next day. Or day after. Or the third day in some cases... I've also started to focus on a few areas of my body that I want to tone, areas that have a bit more loose skin than I'd like. I'm starting to get biceps, my triceps are bit less jiggly (bye-bye batwings!), and my abs hurt when I laugh. That's a good sign, right?

But in toning, I'm also seeing my measurements shrink, (which is awesome)! I've shifted my focus to less scale, more measurements in numbers (that could be an entire blog in itself), as the scale hasn't been much of a good guide as of late. It's been hard to shift my thinking. I'm not even going to lie... Ever hear muscle weighs more than fat? Yeah... I've been able to maintain my weight "number," if not gain pounds in some instances, but my jeans still fit and I'm seeing muscle tone and definition with what I'm working on. It's a total mind-shift, just as "dressing thinner," and thinking more "my size" were, and they weren't easy, but as I always say - I'm a work in progress.

And in speaking of the gym, I'm starting to get a little more comfortable walking in, buckling down, and getting to work. When I first walked in to the gym that I use, (on my college campus; free for students, and it's pretty nice, but I've never used a gym before, period) I panicked. I'm not even kidding. It's like my mind melted. I had my game plan: treadmill. I thought, "Really Ashley? You're going to let these youngins' intimidate you?" To which I replied, "Well, yeah. Look at them. It's the f**king track team working out in there. You're 27. You don't belong. You can't run like the wind."

Guess what? A few treadmill/weight sessions in, I'm showing those 'youngins' who's boss...

(Kidding! Really, I'm still puny, and I'm not "boss." But hey, I try. That's what counts. Right?)

Anyway... Moving on...

I'm a goal-driven person. I think I've mentioned that on here before, but I need something to focus on. A prize to "eye" if you will... With completing the Couch to 5k program tomorrow night, it puts me back in position for the half-marathon hunt. Prior to May....  :) (See my Bucket List.)

May is my favorite month of the year by far, just as many other Hoosiers would tell you. I live for this month for one reason: the Indy 500. But every year, we kick the month off with the Mini Marathon, usually the first weekend in May.  And it's been squarely on my Bucket List since before I lost my weight. I've always dreamed of completing it, and was in great position pre-December to work towards it. Knee surgery pretty much derailed what I thought wouldn't happen in 2014, however with getting back into the running-groove, I signed up.

I just did it one day. I found myself whipping out the credit card and saying, "to hell with it. Go big or go home, Ash." Coworkers, friends, and acquaintances alike said that even with being about four weeks behind the day of the race, I still would have a good shot at safely completing it, if I run and walk. My goal is to just complete 13.1 - walk, run, or crawl. It's my first, so time isn't a concern of mine. (The trail bus is, though.) I've also contacted a friend of mine from high school regarding the Mini, a runner and former prom date (that's another convo for another day, but it has a pretty cool background story). I asked him if he and another classmate of ours were planning to run the Mini again this year, as they have completed it before. He hadn't given much thought to it until I asked, but he agreed he'd run it with me (after warning him I'm slower than a herd of turtles). I do feel a little relieved that someone will be there with me, however it's just me and the pavement.... (Ok. I'll be honest, though: I'm petrified about the half.)

Now if the weather will just cooperate... (I'm dreading treadmill training if I have to run 4+ miles in one sitting. I'd rather fork my eyeballs out.)

Make sure to tune in for upcoming half-marathon training updates, as I'm sure I'll have plenty! I'm hoping to also start running "organized" 5k's again soon as I love them, once the weather turns for the better. I'm ready to be able to get outdoors and run the country roads again too, just as much as anyone else is ready for warmer weather.

I've got that itch! (Who knew?!)

Confessions of an Ungirlie Girl

My boss says I look fabulous, but I'm just not feeling it today. It's not for a lack of trying, though.

I swear there's a dark side to being a "girlie" girl.

And I fail. Everytime.

Today is "picture day" for work, at least us "in action," with maybe a group shot or two. We were told to dress up by my wonderful (she really is) supervisor today, or at least business casual, but when you drop "picture" in there, I'm going to try too hard. Way too hard. I assume these pictures are for a marketing campaign of sorts, as we're gearing up for the launch of our new department at work after receiving my promotion to a new position in September, so I want to rock it. (Not going to lie, I do. And I wouldn't mind a great weight loss/professional picture I could use in the process. It's not too often you'll catch me "dressed up.")

But regardless of pictures or a promotion, I'm trying to embrace this new "girl" thing overall, after dropping weight and hitting goal.

Bottom line? I suck at being a girl.

With my weight loss, I'm trying to be a bit more girlie, in addition to dressing more my weight. My friend "R" forced persuaded me to buy a sweater-dress a few seasons ago after losing 75 pounds, on one of our shopping trips. It seemed to be the only comfortable "dress" I'd wear at the time and it took a bit of a push to get me in it, but I'm pretty sure she had an evil plan to get me to look like a girl all along. At least that's what I thought when she rubbed her hands together saying, "Muahahaha." (Kidding! Sort of... She succeeded though.) But who knew I'd like wearing them now, since the legging trend is in? I actually don't mind it now. (Side note/true story: I wore shorts under my wedding dress the day I  married Mr. K, I hated dresses that much. I couldn't wait to get out of it and back into jeans and race tee.)

But let's bring it back to today. Yesterday, I received a new pair of work shoes, courtesy of Kohl's and FedEx, but I'm not exactly seasoned in sporting pumps. Ok, well, they're not really pumps, more of a loafer-chunky-heel, but I fell in love with them on the website, thought they'd be super cute, and bought them. (I didn't think about the whole not-a-bootie, there's no strap around the ankle kind-of-thing. Oops.) I've tried to sport pumps for a wedding before, but ask "R" about our trip to DSW for nude-colored pumps... I went home with nude-colored flats instead.

Anyway, I figured today would be the perfect day to sport my new loafer-heels to work, because I'm slightly obsessed excited about them, and like picture day in elementary school, I want to look my best. As soon as I slipped them on to walk across my kitchen however, curse words flew out of my mouth. As a hockey fan (and just me in general), I have no filter towards cursing when I'm away from work.

...and I could easily handle hockey skates better than these things on my feet today.

...but in my quest for total girlieness today, I'm still adjusting to my shorter hair when it comes to curling irons and I now have a burnt forehead, in addition to walking like a newborn deer. Add in the fact my cute blazer I've been wanting to wear forever since I scored it on clearance is "Dry Clean Only," (let's just say I sweat. I'll probably forget to pick it up at the cleaners after taking it to have it cleaned,) girlieness isn't exactly what I'm feeling today.

But, as much as my hair, outfit, and shoes are driving me crazy, today's going to happen anyway. So I might as well rock it while I can.

Carpe Diem, right?

 Here's my outfit I'm attempting to rock today...
(Shoutout and thank you to favorite coworker Pam for nabbing this picture for me!)

Carpe diem Thursday, folks! :)

Scary Thoughts

As I’m sitting here writing this blog, currently it’s -11 deg. F. It’s brutal-cold. I don’t plan to go outside at all today if I can help it, though I’m scheduled to run my second run of the second week of Couch to 5K (again). Since it’s a snow day from work, I figure an update is in order, among several other things I have planned, like learning how to arm-knit. Seriously.

However, I’ve had some rather scary thoughts over the past few days.

You could say I love to travel. I’m a pilot’s daughter. I have the travel-bug, the need to explore. I’m the type of person to either, A.) Have a scheduled sightseeing tour down the second when being touristy, or B.) Set out (most likely on my own) and just wander aimlessly, taking in a city by foot, people-watching and trying to blend in as best as this Hoosier can, while getting lost and submersing myself into a new culture. This year, I have what could be the best opportunity to travel several places in 2014; by far being the most I’ve traveled in one summer since graduating college. I’m hoping, among a few races with an internship possibility, a few races and road trip to Central PA, and a trip to Boston to visit a now close-friend (who I still wish didn’t move, but I understand...), it could be a rather cool 2014! (At least I hope…)

But then my mom dropped what I’ve wanted to hear a week or so ago when having a mother/daughter lunch: Cruise to the Bahamas.

Um, yes please?!

It’s currently -11F and dropping in Indiana; meanwhile it’s a balmy 73F in Nassau. Do we really have to wait until May?!

I’ve been on the cruise before, my last being just shy of my 21^st birthday. Yes, it’s the Disney Cruise, but my mom and I both had a blast. Can we say, Serenity Bay? (Adults ONLY beach: Hell. Yes.)

Anyway, my first thought wasn’t, “Oh, I LOVE Nassau!” It was, “Oh, God. Should I buy a bikini?”

Which then ensues panic.

Sheer. Panic.

You see, it’s always been my dream, or kind of a ‘bucket list’ item, to actually be able to pull one off, though the pure thought of actually wearing one freaks me out. I’m too modest, but I want to do it. Just once to say I have. (But NO PICTURES ALLOWED.)

The only thought getting me through is that most folks on the boat with me, won’t see me again. Right?

I have about 4 or 5 months to get ready, and I’m running again, while also adding in kettlebell and weight training that I haven’t done before. I’m not going to be ripped by May or June, but I don’t want to jiggle everywhere. Seriously. That's how I feel...

As part of 2014’s resolution goal, I want to be able to embrace myself, my body, and get rid of all of the negative thoughts I have on a regular basis. You know, the “who cares if I have loose skin and stretch marks?” To be able to love myself wholly, and to not pick myself apart regarding imperfections. Rather, to embrace them.

But I’m incredibly self-conscious about everything. I hate the stretch marks I have. I hate the jiggle, the loose skin and wrinkles I have even if I’m doing ab work to the point laughing hurts.

…and yes, I know with time, it could go away. I can already see my obliques smoothing out which is kind of cool. While I was running pre-surgery, my legs started to take the shape of Carrie Underwood’s. (And seriously, she’s my fitness idol, I’m not going to lie. I love her, and her dedication to her fitness and health.)

I’m not the most patient person. If anything, we learned that post-op, didn’t we? But I think that’s also why I look at the scale too much, not measurements and definition, which is what I should focus upon now as I shift to maintenance instead of weight loss. Let’s face it, it’s the instant-gratification world I live in that is driving it. (I know that.)

But in the meantime, while stressing thinking of beach weather and bikinis, I’m throwing around options. There’s the midkini (which is apparently a thing) that rides a bit lower from the bust, and a little higher around the waist (perrrrrfect option for my conscious). There’s the tankini, which is also two-piece, with a tank top covering most of the stomach area. The one I really want though, found via Pinterest, is a lace covered one piece, in the style of a bikini, but the lace covers the midriff area. Only problem? $130. (I croaked.)

Whenever I find one, which it’s still going to be a while, I’ll share, but it won’t be me wearing it in the picture. I'm not the person who lifts their shirt for selfies of their abs. I’m too modest and uncomfortable with the thought, even if I am in shape. It makes me shudder just thinking of showing off my stomach, let alone anything else in open air, and God forbid, public...on a beach.

Oof. I have a long way to go, don’t I?

 

Ready to Ring in 2014

Last year, to kick off 2013, I set a resolution of hitting my weight loss goal of 100 pounds, while entering my healthy weight range for the first time since who knows when. It certainly still doesn’t feel as if I’ve arrived at my “destination” of healthiness. Hell, I still feel I eat like garbage, or that I could be doing more than what I currently am regarding working out, cardio or strength training. But the only thing I can really think of is, “Wow. I finally stuck to a resolution. How ‘bout that?”

I’m honestly always at a loss for resolutions. I hate setting them. I never stick to them. (Except for last year’s, but who really does?) There’s always the, “I’m going to work out more. Go to the Gym. Eat better,” resolution, but I’m already living that as best I can. I could’ve gone with the, “I’ll go to more hockey games,” but my husband shot that down. I thought about being more “carefree” but who am I kidding? I wouldn’t be me without worry.

Mr. K and I were discussing what we thought our resolutions could be for 2014, just random conversation during the 45 minute drive home from Christmas celebrations with my family. After about five minutes of giggling, serious tones, and several, “Are you really going to stick with that?!,” I thought to myself, “I want to be happier with  myself.” So I ran it by him. He adamantly agreed.

I’ll be honest, even after losing 110 pounds, I haven’t been able to actually look at myself in the mirror and feel satisfied or happy with what I see. Mr. K hears it all the time, especially in the past few days after gluttonous feasts on Christmas goodies (and tooooooooooo many cookies to count). I haven’t felt exactly my best, and with surgery and not being able to run or really workout (my words, I could’ve worked out but I used it as an excuse), really put me down for the past few months. I try not to focus on the negative, but I still find it hard, especially on days I feel “fat.” (And lately, that’s been more than not.)

I don’t know where the negative thinking really comes from. Is it negative feelings caused by emotional scars from past experiences? Am I just not confident enough with who I am? (That’s improved drastically in my twenties, though. I used to NEVER go up and talk to anyone I didn’t know. Now? Hell, no problem! I’m one of the friendliest and approachable girls you’ll meet!) But I only ever want to feel good about myself, and if that means letting go of negative thoughts, the past, whatever, I’ll do it. In 2014.

So that’s my goal, my resolution. New year, new outlook.

Just as I was thinking and browsing Facebook on my lunch hour today, Dacia over at Run. Ride. Repeat., and also one of my favorite Twitter/Facebook/all around rock star friends, posted this bit from Mind, Body, Green, and I think really hammers home what I’m hoping to accomplish with my resolution for 2014. (You have impeccable timing, Dacia!) Here are a few highlights I personally want to improve upon most:

ü  2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

ü  3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

Anyone that knows me, knows this may be the hardest. Thanks to Mr. K, I’m known as “The Planner.”

ü  5. Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

Bahahahahahaha! Ok. Better.

ü  8. Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

ü  10. Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

And the two I feel are most important overall:

ü  19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

ü  20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are. Celebrate you!

…and speaking of celebrations, this morning’s physical therapy session went amazingly well, with my PTA saying, “You won’t be here long.” Testing the waters and pushing my luck at four weeks post-op, I asked, “When do you think I can attempt to run?” …and she said…I quote, “You can run whenever you’re comfortable. Just take it easy, and know that you may be sore. Ice and Ibuprofen are still your closest friends.”

Wait. What? I CAN RUN AGAIN???

Of course, I definitely plan to take it easy. I can’t go out and run three miles flat with no problem. There will be problems if I even attempt it. I haven’t ran since mid-October and we’re approaching January.

So what’s my plan?

Currently, it’s cold. I don’t like cold weather and unless it’s 45 degrees with no wind but plenty of sun, I won’t run outside. I do have the dreadmill, and that’s where I plan to start, beginning Couch to 5k completely over. From scratch. Week 1 of 9. I am hoping that I can stay on pace so that come February, I can start in for half training, using a run/walk plan a Twitter friend passed on to me. At this point, I don’t know or even expect to be able to run the entire Indy Mini, I’ll need to walk some, but I just want to complete it. That’s what’s on my bucket list and at the end of 13.1 miles, just crossing the finish line will be sweet enough. Thinking about it gives me goosebumps, and if I want to run the entire thing, there is always May 2015. Or the Air Force Half, or the Flying Pig, both in Ohio in Fall 2014. We’ll see.

For right now, I’m just focused on completing Couch to 5k again, getting myself back in running shape to around 9+ miles per week average. From there, who knows?

The sky’s the limit. I know. I still can’t fathom losing the equivalent of a person, let alone running one mile, or even three, in one sitting. But I’ve done it. So now, I’m setting sights on 2014, and pray that it’s even better than 2013. If it is, I won’t know how to act!

Thank you for continuing to read my posts, as well as giving me support! It means the world to me! So, Happy New Year! I hope that 2014 brings you many blessings! :)