Giving Up

Ok, not in that sense (don’t freak!), but I’m giving up on a love that’s spanned years.

Pop has always been such a crutch that I crave constantly, but I’m done letting it rule me. At least for now. :(

Pop was the first thing I gave up when I first started the plan long, long ago. I had such great success with it, was able to regain focus and start the day, sans caffeine. It was a great feeling!

But let me give you a little insight: Pop has been the one thing I’ve stuck with for most of my adult life.. It’s something that once I pick it back up, I fall right into the bad habit and can’t stop. I love Diet Coke, and I know deep in my heart giving it up isn’t going to be easy.

Today I’ve already gone through 10 cups of water (about 5 bottles). I’ve been drinking it like a fish. When I first gave up pop, I used to flavor my water with fresh fruit (lemon or frozen berries), or the Crystal Light or Kool-Aid packets, etc. It gave me a bit of a change up from just plain, old water, which can get a bit boring, and if you let it, can make you stray.

But as some friends recently pointed out, pop isn’t good for you, even if it’s the calorie-free diet variety. It contains High Fructose Corn Syrup (the jury’s still out on that), Aspartame (again, research still being done), as well as sodium, which we all know too much of can lead to a variety of heart related issues, just to touch on the surface.

If you think about it: depending on who you ask, the human body contains anywhere from 65-90% water. Clearly it’s obvious you want to replace what you use with water, not sugar filled soda.

Not only is in an unhealthy habit for me, it’s something that will help me out in the long run. My husband used to get his day started with 4 Mountain Dews. It seemed we bought it by the pallet each week. I was never much of a fan of Mountain Dew, but since it was in the house, I drank it. One year though, he challenged himself by giving up pop for Lent. (We’re not Catholic, but it gave him some sort of timeline/span for him to be good.) He did it, and then some! I can’t begin to explain to you how dependent he was on his Mountain Dew, but I am so proud of him! He still opts for water, bottled or tap, or mostly tea (which half the time it’s sweet, not a great idea…). It’s helped him out so much!

But I want to be like him. I want to give it up, even though I’m a little late for Lent. (Easter, after all, is next weekend.) But I want to be healthy. For. Life. Giving up something to better my health, and myself, shouldn’t just be limited to a certain time of year.

So here’s to a new journey, I hope, pop-free!

(I can already see the McDonald’s Large Diet Coke running after me in the drive way.) :’(

The Gain

There is nothing more disheartening, nothing more of a blow to your motivation and self-esteem than a weight gain, and I am experiencing that right now. This isn't my first rodeo, but it still sucks.

I weighed in last week at 180.6. This week? 183.4. I thought I was on the right track by losing (finally) and was hoping to hit the 170's again soon. No go, apparently; my body thought differently.

I can sit here and fill this blog with excuses, (I know the possible reason) but I can't let that damage me and knock me even further off track. I cheated. I cheat a lot. (Confession time.)

It stinks because I'm going the opposite way than I want to be. I hit 175 at my lowest weight, and I've wanted to get back there and maintain it ever since I gained to about 185+. The whole goal is to get to 150, if I can. I'm losing hope, not weight.

I know each week I may maintain or even gain, and that I can't be perfect. Even those who have shed more than me will tell you you can't always be perfect. And to help curb cravings, you have to have an iron clad will to want to beat them.

Food temptations are everywhere. The birthday cake at a friend's party, the office cookies or cupcakes that always seem to be sat down right behind you, the ice cream shop down the street, vending machines, or the simple "going out" meal. All are temptations to blow it. But if you have the right tools and research, as well as determination, and are able to "just say no," you're well on your way!

But you also have to pick yourself back up when it's not the best of times. That's where I come back in. I have a huge problem with just saying no. I think, "one won't hurt." (Ever hear that from friends too? Yeah, me too.) But one can add up if you do not track it or count it, and I cheat, a lot. It's where the majority of my problems gaining come in. But for both you and I, you have to make sure you have a positive mind about this!

A Weight Watcher Leader once told me, "This is not where you fail or jump off. It's feedback from your body. You have not failed."

Just because one week isn't the greatest or "perfect," you have to recover. My Oma asked me when I first started the plan, "You do realize this is for life, not just temporary?"

So if you're like me, this isn't  temporary. This is for life, and if you need a little motivation, think of it this way: You didn't gain overnight, so it won't come off overnight. It's ok if you stumble a week or two. It isn't the greatest, but you must pick yourself back up!

Stay positive, it's feedback. For. Life. :)

Back To Basics

Ugh. The basics.

A Twitter friend of mine always tells me if something isn’t working in hockey, go “back to the basics.” I’ve somewhat adapted/implemented that with my weight loss program.

I knew my former program wasn’t working anymore, so with the help and recommendations of friends, I did just that. I knew that on the old plan that I started with, calories were counted along with fat and fiber. I could guess just by looking at a nutrition label about how many daily points it’d be, within 1 or 2. After the plan was changed/morphed, the 70+ lb loss came to a screeching halt. After taking “time off,” gaining, getting frustrated, losing some to gain more and so on, I decided to go back to the basics.

I knew the “new” plan wasn’t working, at least for me. I recognized that fact. I’ve had many friends it’s helped tremendously with great success, but it just didn’t work for me any longer.. The “new” plan took calories out of the equation, and mixed carbs and protein in. Let’s be honest, I’m a Carb Queen. I can’t NOT live without breads, pastas, etc. It’s just not me. I was always told that you can have what you want, as long as it is in moderation! (There’s that ‘M’ word again. Dun, dun, dunnnnnn…..)

So back to the basics I went. I have since started a new plan as described before, which primarily counts calories, and only calories, and so far I’ve had good luck. I say so far, as I’m still battling with motivation. I still have the weeks where I just feel like eating everything in sight and then some. But the weather has helped tremendously, I’ll definitely admit it! It’s been an unusually warm winter, and an early Summer (not Spring!), so with that I’ve been getting out and riding my bike and running again. I started this past Saturday with 8 miles, 4 with a tailwind, 4 with a fight home. Last night I made it 10, but I hope to keep improving as I go, as well as build muscle (shorty short weather in around the corner, afterall!). I can’t think my Twitter friend enough, as he has helped me more than he probably knows by applying the “Back to Basics” thinking to many aspects of my life, including my weight loss journey, and it seems to be working.

Thanks, friend! :)

The Buffet (dun, dun, dunnnn...)

Ugh. The buffet.

That’s all I have to say and I can hear the blood-curdling scream from a horror movie in the back of my mind.

I am currently mapping out what I’m going to eat at a Chinese Buffet across town on a Post-It. I’m meeting some family in from Indianapolis to grab a bite to eat, but I’m going to be honest: Buffets scare the daylights out of me.

As I’ve said before, I have a horrible “portion distortion” problem, and tend to eat until I want to vomit. I’m so full; it’s sickening, gross, and uncomfortable.

But here’s the catch: I’m trying to be responsible and be honest with myself. It’s where and WHY I’ve got off track with my weight loss. I tend to cheat the system and think I’m getting away with it. I think if I don’t track it or write it down, no one knows, not even myself and that it’s calorie free. (I can smell the bull brewing.)

So here’s a word of advice, and this takes a TON of discipline (none of which I have):

Map out what you are going to eat ahead of time… AND STICK WITH IT!

I tend to do this if I know I’m going out to eat. I hate doing it. I feel like a fool for doing research about what I’m going to eat, but if you want to get serious, and be honest with yourself, it will help ease you knowing you have a plan. It won’t be easy for me, as I love Chinese food and I tend to turn into a zombie at the sight of any yummy food. That zombie-feeling is what makes me nervous. I know I didn’t get to 250 lbs overnight, but I also know that I don’t want to go back. I want to be healthy, and that takes dedication and discipline.

So no cheating, no regrets or… Know cheating, know regrets.

Wish me luck! I’m going to need it.

Zero Is Not a Size

I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA as of late, but this blog post will take a lot out of me. It delves into some long-time emotions I’ve had since childhood that I only share with those I truly trust. Only those closest to me and around me really know what I’ve been through, but maybe someday I’ll be brave enough to discuss it openly. But that’s not what this blog post is about. This post is about some comments recently made by Chanel’s head designer and creative director, Karl Lagerfeld.

Allow me to climb up onto my soapbox:

Let me first preface this by saying I’ve been a long-time fan of fashion. I’ve been through the label-hog stage of life, and I truly love Chanel, Coach, and fashion in general. What girl doesn’t? But it disturbs me tremendously after reading comments made by Mr. Lagerfeld this morning in a story posted on MSN. In case you missed it, here’s his quote regarding singer Adele:

"The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.”

I am truly disappointed with Karl Lagerfeld, as this isn’t the first time he’s given such a horrible back-handed “compliment” to a famous female. I absolutely love Adele. She is gorgeous, fashionable, and extremely talented. She, in no way, deserves a comment like this, though I understand everyone has a critic. I also understand the fashion industry is rife with stick-thin models with ribs bones poking out all over their bodies, but is this the message you want to send to your children? (Critique much, Ashley?)

Girls everywhere go through enough pressures in high school: to be academically superior, to get into a great university, to worry if they made Varsity whatever, who they’re seen with at the prom, what clique they belong to, the newest fashion and brands of the moment, etc. I had tough times in high school, and it was extremely painful. I have a tremendous amount of emotional scars because of it, but it’s made me stronger.

But, in my personal opinion, and I’m sure other women and girls, there is nothing worse than being referred to as “fat.”

Adele is a gorgeous girl, and I will say it again: an amazingly talented singer. Absolutely by far, one of the best my generation has seen or heard. So why in the world would Mr. Lagerfeld target her and call her “fat,” I’ll never understand it. She has more talent in her left pinky than he will have in a lifetime. Yes, he’s paved the way in the fashion world, and set a tremendous amount of trends, but I have yet to see him use a size 8 model in any of his runway shows. Hell, Marilyn Monroe was a size 16! She is one of the most iconic figures worldwide, and was gorgeous as ever and yet Mr. Lagerfeld chooses the girl who most likely battles some type of eating disorder that puts her body through hell, just so she can star in his next show, not set an example for women and girls who need a role model or someone to look up to.

I’ve been through these pressures that teenage girls face everywhere. I will never forget the time when my father took me to a grocery store while visiting another blonde-haired, well “endowed,” skinny girlfriend of his in Ohio and stating to me, “I’d like to show you around the grocery aisles. You really need to start eating a little better.” I was 15. At 15, I read between the lines. I felt like he didn’t want to be spotted with his “fat” daughter.

I understand healthy eating now, and what I should have been doing diet-wise, but I was NOT by any means overweight or fat, and at 15 that’s the way it was implied. I was involved with Color Guard and Winter Guard year round for 6 solid years. My season never really ended, we just took breaks. I admit I wasn’t the most athletically inclined, and I’m still not, but practicing 3 times a week with contests and shows year round for that amount of time, I was able to maintain my weight just fine. I’m sure I could have melted the pudge away if I did eat healthier, but I was just fine with the way I was. I was mostly happy. I wasn’t the skinniest girl in high school, and I am not now, nor will I ever be, but to a 15 year old girl, what message does that send?

Body image is everything these days. I’ll admit I still deal with it horribly, more than someone somewhat unfamiliar to me would ever know. But when I began this weight loss journey, the first commitment I made to myself was to be “healthy,” not “skinny.” What spurred, or at least helped give me the motivation, were days I’d leave several department stores in tears because I couldn’t find something cute, stylish, or comfortable to wear. It was always the elastic pants in the (pardon me for lack of better terms) Old Lady section of the store, never the cute, brand-name destructed jeans or the cute, flirty top I saw in magazines and on posters or advertisements. Things my Oma would wear, not me.

I’ll never forget One Tree Hill’s episode in which Brooke Davis hosted a fashion show for a new line with her “Clothes over Bros” company (and I can’t believe I’m using this in my blog. Serious research, huh?) Millie, her assistant, modeled a gorgeous, fashionable shirt that said “Zero is not a size” to close out the show. I firmly believe this, and I hope Mr. Lagerfeld one day realizes this, though I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ve heard of these types of comments from him or others in the fashion world for that matter. It’s very unfortunate and close-minded. But I firmly believe there needs to be more education and information out in the world regarding eating disorders, confidence, and self-esteem issues that young girls face every day, and it needs to be more prevalent in their lives.

I’ve been there, and I certainly know the feelings all too well. Someone needs to be an advocate. Someone needs to step up.

Because I firmly believe, “Zero is not a size.”

Happy New Year!

I did it! 31 insanely-craving days of NO CHOCOLATE!

So instead of raising a glass, I'm raising a Kit-Kat! :)

Happy New Year!

2012: Ready or Not

I'm not a fan of New Year's Resolutions, I'll be honest. But this year I'm setting one. Actually more of a goal. I know I've come a long way during this journey, and some would say that I'm fine the way I am, but I'm not completely happy. So this is it:

I resolve to make it to single digit sized pants.

If it's an 8 or 9, I'm cool with it. Currently I'm a 12 or 14, depending on brands, so I've got some work to do. I know I shouldn't get hung up on numbers. I've mentioned that before. It's just not a healthy way of thinking. But it's a goal.

My goal.

So raise a glass. Here's to 2012. May the New Year find you peace and happiness!

P.S.: I want to know, what are your New Years Resolutions? Comment below. I'd love to hear them!