Go Time. Again.

A day or so ago I was trying to come up with a witty tagline of sorts - one that I could use to anchor a post for the Mini. I failed.

I can't believe it's almost a year since my first half marathon and here I sit at the end of training x's 2, months of "mental blocks," stomach issues, discipline, frozen tundra and dreadmill runs, and I'm one day out from my second half marathon with the Ragnar Relay: Cape Cod less than a week away. It's intimidating, but I cannot wait until I step foot in Boston Logan and get that journey going, after crossing the finish line in Indianapolis.

Committing to training is always daunting, in addition to thinking of two major runs in two weeks. Additionally, remember last year, about six weeks before the Indy Mini when I tweaked my foot? Less than three weeks out and my OTHER foot was tweaked. Naturally.

I ran a pattern consisting of my highest mileage of training with run 1 consisting of 5 miles, run 2 consisting of 4 miles, and the long run consisting of 11 a few weeks ago. I chose to break them up (I still swear I have Runner's ADD - squirrel), moving run 2 to Saturday morning, running 6 miles on Saturday afternoon (of which I completed), then finishing my remaining 5 miles on Sunday afternoon. All was smooth until run 3's remaining 1/2 mile. I stopped and walked home, as I tweaked a tendon in my left foot. After going through a series of ultrasound/steroid therapy sessions, rest, and freezing my ass off with a bag of frozen peas on my foot, I'm healed. For now. In the last two weeks I've only ran three times, with Sunday totaling 7.5 miles after working an event of which I primarily stood/ran around. Close enough?

I still plan to cross the finish line in Indianapolis however I'm letting go the possibility of finishing less than 2 hours and 30 minutes with the past few weeks not going exactly to plan. I want to remain healthy for Ragnar and if I don't even complete the Mini sub 2:30... I've still completed it, and the feeling of crossing the finish never feels sweeter listening to closing laps of various historical Indy 500 races.

Finishing last year's #IndyMini.

...this coming from the girl who two years ago couldn't run a 1/4 mile.

I'm thinking like the little engine that could. I played my training in the past few weeks smart, hitting the bike or elliptical for no-impact workouts when ordered to rest from impact (my longest run last year of training was 8.5 miles, and I completed 13.1 still), simulating runs while also keeping my aerobic base up. Does it suck? Absolutely. Even though I've had to shift my goals a bit from completing sub-2:30 to just beating last year's 2:43, the main goal remains - don't die, kiss some bricks (see below for kiss #1), but most importantly - enjoy every minute.

Run or Dye at IMS - August, 2013

My corral has been assigned, and I'm no longer in the last wave. (Woohoo! Movin' on up.....!) My bib number this year is 21121 (Heyyyyyyyy, hey Brooksie!), and I'm off in the 4th wave - approx. 8:30 am.

You can track me by downloading Indy Mini's app from the App Store or Android's marketplace, however you can also log in at IndyMini.com and search my bib no. 21121. From there, you'll be able to either track me by text, website, or email, however you can also follow me on Twitter @AshleyK199. I've set up automatic tweets for each split I hit - the Start Line, the first 5K mark, the famed Indianapolis Motor Speedway's Yard of Bricks (pucker up, buttercup!), the 11th mile (almost there!), and the Finish Line (#beerme).

Am I prepared? Hell no. Does that matter? Well kinda, but I'm not stressing too much. The plan? Take it easy - run my own race, and take the run as it comes; hopefully I can PR and ring the bell but I'm not sweating it - not with Ragnar and taking in Cape Cod by foot in less than a week.

Speaking of Ragnar - I really haven't had a chance to think about the upcoming run. I've been splitting up Mini training to get used to running on tired legs, but after final exams, starting an internship this past week, and trying to cram something else (you'll know more soon) in this week, yeah......... I've ran three times in the past two weeks. ...but that doesn't matter.

How effing cool is this course?!

 What matters is that this wild and crazy journey begins next Thursday, joining my teammate Carly at Dayton International for our trip to Boston via Philly. I've only met Carly once in person however after meeting her, we haven't gone one day without chatting somehow whether it's through text or Facebook messenger. Between her and my other teammate/sister-from-another-mister Dacia, they're the only two I "know;" our team has got to know one another, what we've accomplished, and what we're hoping to accomplish through this crazy relay-thing via technology. I'm not sure how I functioned prior to today's ever-changing technology, but we've been able to get to know each other through a team-only Facebook page, in addition to conference planning calls and such. My only goal for Ragnar is to learn about one another, their journeys and stories, while enjoying every minute. It's not every day someone gets the opportunity to run Cape Cod by foot, and quite honestly, I never thought five years ago this would be possible.

I truly believe if you're fervid and driven, putting hard work and your mind towards a goal or dream (or both) you wish to achieve, you're capable of anything - especially if it makes you come alive.
 

Eventually I'll have tracking info via Twitter and Facebook, as one of our teammates has rented a GPS tracker that will show where the runner is currently located within our 200-mile journey. In addition to all of that, you know darn well we'll be chronicling our journey via social media - including Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. You can also follow along and share in our journey by following #RunningDownRagnar on various social media outlets!

Last but not least, make sure to also check out our team's website at RunningDownOurDreams.com.

See you guys on the flip side of Ragnar! (...and be prepared for one epic blog post.)

Hearing 'No'

It stinks, I'll admit it. No one wants to hear 'no,' but at times, one must persevere. Press on. Don't look back.

Remember when I submitted my weight loss story to Shape Magazine for consideration of participation in a roundtable discussion with other women who've lost more than 100 pounds? You can read about the initial contact here.

I hadn't typed out or wrote down my feelings regarding a follow up I received because honestly, I wasn't sure how to feel.

Rejection stinks. Even if I've come this far. But I'm not bitter, not mad, not really anything. Now, I'm just kind of feeling, "Oh, well." Onward!

Recently, a few weeks ago (yes, I've been sitting on it for this long), I finally heard an update after a back-and-forth digital conversation with an editor of the magazine, that my weight loss story wasn't chosen for an upcoming roundtable discussion.

I would be lying if I said it didn't take the "wind from my sails." It stinks a bit, and I (unfortunately) let my mind wander to where my hopes were up, one thing I regret and wish I didn't do. But ultimately, that's who I am. I'm a person who hopes for the best possible outcome, while worrying obsessively preparing for the absolute worst. But, in addition, I'm also someone who looks for the positivity in everything, a "silver lining," if you will, regardless of outcome.

Sure, it would've been kind of cool, but it just wasn't meant to be.

Though it stinks, what surprised me in the days following was that I didn't consume myself with negative thoughts or "eating my feelings." In the past, I would've medicated my sorrow with everything sweet, looking for a way to ease the discomfort and rejection, ultimately making things a bit more uncomfortable by way of my waistline. Instead, I channeled what I felt in to my 10K and strength training - allowing me to "burn" my emotions instead of eating them. What a change (and relief) that was!

It felt good. It was a "Non Scale Victory" in my book - one that I'm glad I didn't let rule me for too long.

The outpouring of support after helped as well. Seeing the Facebook posts of support from friends, those that say I've inspired them, that was cool. It was refreshing, and a bit humbling. To those who have, thank you. (I can't ever say that enough!)

But as Mr. K reminded me, I didn't do this for recognition. (Which is very, very true. Something I guess I lost focus on?) And this isn't the end of the world, either. I'm not "depending" on it.

Yeah, it would've been kind of cool to see my story out there, but that's not why I started this journey. I started it for my own health and well-being. To have kids some day. So I live to see 80. So I live to see my niece and nephew grow up, graduate, and raise a family of their own (and hopefully someday - see an unborn child of my own follow those steps, though not right now).

Sure, there have been some side-benefits of my weight loss I hadn't expected: self-esteem, a needed confidence boost, inner- and outer-strength I never thought I had (or would have developed), a bit of kick in the pants mental-toughness (thank you, Mini Marathon), and the fact that I've grown comfortable with who I am while discovering someone "different" under all of those pounds shed. It's bittersweet, this news, but - this too shall pass.

Of course, I'm still dealing with a bit of weight gain, and the timing wasn't exactly the greatest. The weight gain has been somewhat aggravating, but at the same time, I'm starting to see that it may be a "good gain." I'm starting to see muscles. :)

I've recently discovered I have a bicep. I'll spare you the picture of my "guns," but it's fun to see definition show up in a mirror, and that I notice it! I'm kind of getting a little enjoyment out of it, as I've mentioned before, I don't typically notice the weight loss or definition gains, as I see myself everyday. But.... I. Have. A. Bicep. I've also started noticing my obliques are appearing. (Those are both new concepts!)

While I see the weight creeping up on the scale (six pounds in total), my measurements haven't increased (they haven't decreased either), and my pants are still fitting fine (depending on the brand/pair). For me, that's a concept I'm still struggling with accepting, as a number on the scale has defined my journey over physical/muscular gains. It's something I'm working on. Again - work in progress ;)

In addition to strength training, I'm in the next to last week of 10K training. (Woohoo!) Though I'm reaching the point I'm a bit over "training" and having discipline/burnout struggles, I'm excited to see where this 10K will take me. I'm running in the ISC Corporate Challenge again this year for my employer, opting for the 10K run over a 5K run and walk. The ISC Corporate Challenge has also changed venues, one that I've had the lovely pleasure of running twice before, once during my half marathon. (Hint, hint!)

The goals I have for the challenge are simple: enjoy the scenery (duh!), and beat my previous 10K time of 1:11:57 (or 11:18/mile). Easy, right? Meh - we'll see. Both were during cooler "weathered" events, and it might be a bit interesting. What else may be interesting? I'm not sure if the run is before or after (if I'm chosen for the team - still pending) I pit an Indy Car.

We'll leave the ISC Corporate Challenge at that... For now... ;)

In additition to the ISC Corporate Challenge, I hope to continue my City By Shoes series, this time in Asheville, NC! The hubby and I (my better half, Mr. K!) are planning to travel some time soon to the mountains for our (holy schmoly where did time go?!) 5 year anniversary, and we're both looking for a needed-getaway. Of course I'm planning to pack my running shoes, as the resort we are staying at not only offers a health spa/fitness center that appears to be wonderful, but also a "mountainous" trail for guests. But what I'm most excited about? The city is active-friendly, and there are sidewalks abound all the way in to downtown from our resort! Yay! No road running! (For those runners who may freak reading this, I live in the sticks. Running on a country road is normal. Don't fret!)

...and to help boost my mood (trust me, it has been much-needed), I decided to sign up for the 100 days of Happy Challenge, and you should too! So far, I've made it to Day 2, but what's eerie (or just another message from God?) is that my 100 days ends....on Christmas. How cool is that? You can follow my #100DaysofHappy challenge on my Instagram page: instagram.com/AshleyK199.

If you join in, post your information in the comment section below! I'd love to follow your 100 Days of Happy too! :)

OneAmerica 500 Festival Indianapolis Mini Marathon Race Recap

There's so much I want to say about this past Saturday's half marathon, my first, but I'm not sure where to start or even really how to put everything in words.

I'm not sore, nor was I at really any point after the race aside from what felt like a shin splint in my right leg and the tendon I tweaked a few weeks ago just letting me know it was still there. But nothing hurt. That's it. That's the only soreness I had from 13.1 miles of sheer enjoyment.

The race was amazing, much more than I ever expected. ...but first, let me back up, as I've got two days of Indy-goodness to talk about!

I decided to take the entire day off from work on Friday so that I could rest, get a last minute chiropractic adjustment, clean the house, prep myself for what's about to happen, calm my nerves (or so I thought), and just "chill." Mr. K came home from work, and off to Indy we went!

We decided to go straight downtown to the Indiana Convention Center instead of checking in to the hotel first, to check out the expo and pick up my race packet. What I didn't expect were the nerves and the flood of apprehension that poured over me as we drove in and parked. It was as if it were a bit of panic. (Other runners, is this normal for your first big race?)

After I picked up my packet, we decided to head to the hotel, grab some dinner, come back and just chill. As I unpacked my race clothes to pin my number on my shirt ahead of time, the flood of panic hit me. I forgot to pack a sports bra. (Insert: Facepalm.)

I knew I laid it out with my outfit. I had everything laid out a few days ahead of time just so I didn't wear what I wanted to wear on Saturday during my last training run Thursday. I seriously thought it was the end of the world, and poor Mr. K heard it all... Luckily, in deciding to stay outside of downtown, Target was just down the road! So after we were back from dinner, after I already threw on PJs to chill for the rest of the evening, we made a mad dash down the road, again, so I can buy a last minute, ahem, necessity.

Getting up Saturday morning, I was nervous. I didn't sleep well the night before, even if everything I've read suggests a runner should do otherwise. I was too anxious, too excited, and too giddy, but also apprehensive approaching race day.

We grabbed breakfast at the hotel, loaded up, and headed downtown. We arrived early, right before the start of the first wave at 7:45, and just kind of hung out until my wave at 8:45. It was brisk, and I made sure to keep a light jacket over a long sleeve shirt, over my tee shirt, with shedding each layer to get accustomed the closer to the start.

At this point, I want to thank Mr. K for all that he did for me Saturday. He's a trooper. He stood in the cold with me, held all of my crap, waited on me for over 2 1/2 hours after I started running (that doesn't include before or after the actual race), and dealt with a long line of other spectators wanting to get breakfast at Panera after ducking away from Steak N Shake as the line was down the block. Poor guy. And just for the record, he doesn't do cities very much either folks, all while trying to understand why I'm crazy enough to run 13.1 miles with 33,000+ other runners. I truly have a fabulous and amazing husband.

...shortly before the fun began, I met these two guys, as they started the race basically beside me as our wave took off. One was named Kyle, unfortunately I didn't grab the gentleman's name to the right of this picture, but they are two soldiers who completed 13.1 miles of craziness with their military boots on their feet and their gear packs weighed down, as they were prepping for a training exercise here in a few weeks. All I could do was thank them, in addition to explaining to them how much of rockstars they truly are. I'm still in awe of them, and if I ever get the chance to, I will buy them a beer for both their service to their country (and the reason I can run free), while also for their accomplishment at the Mini. It was truly incredible. (Thanks for the inspiration guys!)

As we started the race heading west of downtown, I'm not going sugarcoat it, but we ran through some questionable neighborhoods that I wouldn't normally run or drive through alone. During daylight. It was really set up nice though, all along the course, as there was plenty of entertainment, plenty of action, plenty of water stops, and plenty of people-watching to keep me entertained in addition to my newly loaded playlist.

...and after mile 3, I just sort of fell into a groove. Most of the race from mile 3 on was a blur. At least until we rolled through downtown Speedway, Indiana. I knew I had to be getting close to Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the one section of the race I have looked forward to since before I began my weight loss journey, the one reason this race was firmly planted on my bucket list), since we started passing both the Dallara Indy Car Factory and the one driver (now owner) who I've looked up to, especially during my teenage years as she ran laps around IMS, Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing's new facility.

...and then off in to the distance, the turn 1 grandstand opened up, along with the famed IMS Pagoda.

I could tell I was getting giddy. I wasn't nervous, I was excited, almost spastic to be honest, as I started to speed up.

As we made the turn on to 16th Street to head towards IMS, I knew we were getting close. I know how to get to the track; I've been there a dozen times for various things, but even as the tunnel entrance came in to view, I almost couldn't stand it.

I still have chills thinking about making the 2 1/2 mile lap around the track, but even more so, from seeing the grandstand and front stretch open up as I ran out of turn 4 and on to the straightaway. Pit entrance greeted me as the Pagoda was firmly planted on my left, with the scoring pylon lit up as it is throughout the month of May.

As I approached the yard of bricks (hence the nickname "Brickyard"), I made my way to the left, where most were kneeling down to stop, kiss the bricks, take a photo opp if they so chose, then continued on. I did just that (without the photo opp). It was the dirtiest, but one of the best kisses a motorsports fan could ask for. ...and the whole time, the only thing I could think of was, "if these walls could talk."

As soon as I crossed the bricks, I had 5.1 miles to go. (Side note: I love how the start/finish line at IMS is one of the mile markers. Kind of nerdy, but kind of neat!)

The last 3-4 miles were pretty uneventful as well, winding back through some more questionable neighborhoods I ran through on my way out to IMS, but as I approached downtown, I knew I had to be getting close. I could see the skyline I love so much getting closer with every step I took.

That last mile, though... Oof. I could definitely tell I started to run out of steam even though I didn't slow down and kept a good pace the entire way.

But as I approached the finish line, everything from the start of my weight loss journey, until my goal of running the Mini Marathon came full circle.

You see, one of the main reason I began my weight loss was because of my Opa. (You can read about that more in my very first blog post here.) He's also the one main reason I'm such a big motorsports fan, a fan across many spectrum and disciplines of the sport. Each year, for as long as I can remember, I've found myself at his place on Memorial Weekend, and even though we're "blacked out" living in Indiana, and not able to watch the Indianapolis 500 live, we take it old school. We listed to the race live via FM radio, crowded around the kitchen table, jumping when a wreck happens, cheering when our favorite driver or "driver of choice" wins such a prestigious race. It's something I'll certainly remember for the rest of my life.

...and as I approached the finish line of the Mini Marathon, I heard the same broadcast I heard sitting around my Opa's kitchen table years back, listening to Michael Andretti battling it out for 1 and 2 in the closing laps of the Indianapolis 500. It's all I heard over my earbuds. I crossed the finish line thinking of my Opa, not the race I just ran, with chills going down my spine.

Everything over the past four years came full circle. 

As soon as I paused the run, grabbed my medal, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed to the Runners' Services exit, I found Mr. K peeking out from behind a few other folks waiting for friends to arrive.

I grabbed him, hugged him, and cried.

Everything just came pouring out.

After gathering myself, I checked my phone. I had sooooooo many notifications, so many text messages (and a missed call from my momma) from friends who had been tracking me via website every time I hit a split. That was another really cool moment. Friends had posted to my Facebook wall cheering me on, encouraging me as I crossed the 5K split, and telling me to keep going after crossing the bricks. I am truly blessed to have each and every person in my life, and the outpouring of support and encouragement from Saturday is truly amazing and humbling.

To each and every one of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(I do want to apologize to friends for not getting back to you while I was running. As a general rule, I ignore my phone when I'm out on runs and Saturday was no different, tuning out the world to de-stress, and usually just pay attention to two things: cars and calls.)

I called Dave, a local radio DJ, runner, and a very, very helpful seasoned veteran of the Indy Mini, and now someone I look up to for running-motiviation and inspiration, to meet up with him, as he wanted to get a picture with me post-race and check on how it went. Aside from totally forgetting to take a picture with him (we both blame it on the lack of sugar in our bodies), I had the opportunity to congratulate him for making the 500 Club. That is an awesome accomplishment, and I'm so proud of you Dave! I told you that you would rock it!

All in all, it was an awesome weekend, and aside from a touch of stomach flu hitting me about two hours after the race was over going in to recovery mode (and the fact I told Mr. K never again twenty-two times), I had an absolute blast!

Would I do it again? Yes! While I'm not sure I'll train again for a half marathon during a semester, I do want to do it again. Just not for a while. You know how a couple puts almost all of their time and energy in to a wedding to only crash and burn shortly after, because the wedding and not the actual marriage was all they thought about? That's kind of how I feel... I'm kind of at the "what now?" point.

I do plan to continue running, I'm certainly not stopping, but I think, at least for the rest of this year, I'll continue to run 5K's, as I have a bit of fun with them! I want to improve my minute per mile time, but I'm not focusing on just that. I also want to get back to lifting weights, improving my tone, and building muscle to become stronger.

...and I also want to continue the "City by Shoes" trends. You can look for that some time after Memorial Weekend. Let's just say, this will be one of the very first years I won't be in Indiana for the Indianapolis 500... :)

Zero Is Not a Size

I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA as of late, but this blog post will take a lot out of me. It delves into some long-time emotions I’ve had since childhood that I only share with those I truly trust. Only those closest to me and around me really know what I’ve been through, but maybe someday I’ll be brave enough to discuss it openly. But that’s not what this blog post is about. This post is about some comments recently made by Chanel’s head designer and creative director, Karl Lagerfeld.

Allow me to climb up onto my soapbox:

Let me first preface this by saying I’ve been a long-time fan of fashion. I’ve been through the label-hog stage of life, and I truly love Chanel, Coach, and fashion in general. What girl doesn’t? But it disturbs me tremendously after reading comments made by Mr. Lagerfeld this morning in a story posted on MSN. In case you missed it, here’s his quote regarding singer Adele:

"The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.”

I am truly disappointed with Karl Lagerfeld, as this isn’t the first time he’s given such a horrible back-handed “compliment” to a famous female. I absolutely love Adele. She is gorgeous, fashionable, and extremely talented. She, in no way, deserves a comment like this, though I understand everyone has a critic. I also understand the fashion industry is rife with stick-thin models with ribs bones poking out all over their bodies, but is this the message you want to send to your children? (Critique much, Ashley?)

Girls everywhere go through enough pressures in high school: to be academically superior, to get into a great university, to worry if they made Varsity whatever, who they’re seen with at the prom, what clique they belong to, the newest fashion and brands of the moment, etc. I had tough times in high school, and it was extremely painful. I have a tremendous amount of emotional scars because of it, but it’s made me stronger.

But, in my personal opinion, and I’m sure other women and girls, there is nothing worse than being referred to as “fat.”

Adele is a gorgeous girl, and I will say it again: an amazingly talented singer. Absolutely by far, one of the best my generation has seen or heard. So why in the world would Mr. Lagerfeld target her and call her “fat,” I’ll never understand it. She has more talent in her left pinky than he will have in a lifetime. Yes, he’s paved the way in the fashion world, and set a tremendous amount of trends, but I have yet to see him use a size 8 model in any of his runway shows. Hell, Marilyn Monroe was a size 16! She is one of the most iconic figures worldwide, and was gorgeous as ever and yet Mr. Lagerfeld chooses the girl who most likely battles some type of eating disorder that puts her body through hell, just so she can star in his next show, not set an example for women and girls who need a role model or someone to look up to.

I’ve been through these pressures that teenage girls face everywhere. I will never forget the time when my father took me to a grocery store while visiting another blonde-haired, well “endowed,” skinny girlfriend of his in Ohio and stating to me, “I’d like to show you around the grocery aisles. You really need to start eating a little better.” I was 15. At 15, I read between the lines. I felt like he didn’t want to be spotted with his “fat” daughter.

I understand healthy eating now, and what I should have been doing diet-wise, but I was NOT by any means overweight or fat, and at 15 that’s the way it was implied. I was involved with Color Guard and Winter Guard year round for 6 solid years. My season never really ended, we just took breaks. I admit I wasn’t the most athletically inclined, and I’m still not, but practicing 3 times a week with contests and shows year round for that amount of time, I was able to maintain my weight just fine. I’m sure I could have melted the pudge away if I did eat healthier, but I was just fine with the way I was. I was mostly happy. I wasn’t the skinniest girl in high school, and I am not now, nor will I ever be, but to a 15 year old girl, what message does that send?

Body image is everything these days. I’ll admit I still deal with it horribly, more than someone somewhat unfamiliar to me would ever know. But when I began this weight loss journey, the first commitment I made to myself was to be “healthy,” not “skinny.” What spurred, or at least helped give me the motivation, were days I’d leave several department stores in tears because I couldn’t find something cute, stylish, or comfortable to wear. It was always the elastic pants in the (pardon me for lack of better terms) Old Lady section of the store, never the cute, brand-name destructed jeans or the cute, flirty top I saw in magazines and on posters or advertisements. Things my Oma would wear, not me.

I’ll never forget One Tree Hill’s episode in which Brooke Davis hosted a fashion show for a new line with her “Clothes over Bros” company (and I can’t believe I’m using this in my blog. Serious research, huh?) Millie, her assistant, modeled a gorgeous, fashionable shirt that said “Zero is not a size” to close out the show. I firmly believe this, and I hope Mr. Lagerfeld one day realizes this, though I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ve heard of these types of comments from him or others in the fashion world for that matter. It’s very unfortunate and close-minded. But I firmly believe there needs to be more education and information out in the world regarding eating disorders, confidence, and self-esteem issues that young girls face every day, and it needs to be more prevalent in their lives.

I’ve been there, and I certainly know the feelings all too well. Someone needs to be an advocate. Someone needs to step up.

Because I firmly believe, “Zero is not a size.”