Hearing 'No'

It stinks, I'll admit it. No one wants to hear 'no,' but at times, one must persevere. Press on. Don't look back.

Remember when I submitted my weight loss story to Shape Magazine for consideration of participation in a roundtable discussion with other women who've lost more than 100 pounds? You can read about the initial contact here.

I hadn't typed out or wrote down my feelings regarding a follow up I received because honestly, I wasn't sure how to feel.

Rejection stinks. Even if I've come this far. But I'm not bitter, not mad, not really anything. Now, I'm just kind of feeling, "Oh, well." Onward!

Recently, a few weeks ago (yes, I've been sitting on it for this long), I finally heard an update after a back-and-forth digital conversation with an editor of the magazine, that my weight loss story wasn't chosen for an upcoming roundtable discussion.

I would be lying if I said it didn't take the "wind from my sails." It stinks a bit, and I (unfortunately) let my mind wander to where my hopes were up, one thing I regret and wish I didn't do. But ultimately, that's who I am. I'm a person who hopes for the best possible outcome, while worrying obsessively preparing for the absolute worst. But, in addition, I'm also someone who looks for the positivity in everything, a "silver lining," if you will, regardless of outcome.

Sure, it would've been kind of cool, but it just wasn't meant to be.

Though it stinks, what surprised me in the days following was that I didn't consume myself with negative thoughts or "eating my feelings." In the past, I would've medicated my sorrow with everything sweet, looking for a way to ease the discomfort and rejection, ultimately making things a bit more uncomfortable by way of my waistline. Instead, I channeled what I felt in to my 10K and strength training - allowing me to "burn" my emotions instead of eating them. What a change (and relief) that was!

It felt good. It was a "Non Scale Victory" in my book - one that I'm glad I didn't let rule me for too long.

The outpouring of support after helped as well. Seeing the Facebook posts of support from friends, those that say I've inspired them, that was cool. It was refreshing, and a bit humbling. To those who have, thank you. (I can't ever say that enough!)

But as Mr. K reminded me, I didn't do this for recognition. (Which is very, very true. Something I guess I lost focus on?) And this isn't the end of the world, either. I'm not "depending" on it.

Yeah, it would've been kind of cool to see my story out there, but that's not why I started this journey. I started it for my own health and well-being. To have kids some day. So I live to see 80. So I live to see my niece and nephew grow up, graduate, and raise a family of their own (and hopefully someday - see an unborn child of my own follow those steps, though not right now).

Sure, there have been some side-benefits of my weight loss I hadn't expected: self-esteem, a needed confidence boost, inner- and outer-strength I never thought I had (or would have developed), a bit of kick in the pants mental-toughness (thank you, Mini Marathon), and the fact that I've grown comfortable with who I am while discovering someone "different" under all of those pounds shed. It's bittersweet, this news, but - this too shall pass.

Of course, I'm still dealing with a bit of weight gain, and the timing wasn't exactly the greatest. The weight gain has been somewhat aggravating, but at the same time, I'm starting to see that it may be a "good gain." I'm starting to see muscles. :)

I've recently discovered I have a bicep. I'll spare you the picture of my "guns," but it's fun to see definition show up in a mirror, and that I notice it! I'm kind of getting a little enjoyment out of it, as I've mentioned before, I don't typically notice the weight loss or definition gains, as I see myself everyday. But.... I. Have. A. Bicep. I've also started noticing my obliques are appearing. (Those are both new concepts!)

While I see the weight creeping up on the scale (six pounds in total), my measurements haven't increased (they haven't decreased either), and my pants are still fitting fine (depending on the brand/pair). For me, that's a concept I'm still struggling with accepting, as a number on the scale has defined my journey over physical/muscular gains. It's something I'm working on. Again - work in progress ;)

In addition to strength training, I'm in the next to last week of 10K training. (Woohoo!) Though I'm reaching the point I'm a bit over "training" and having discipline/burnout struggles, I'm excited to see where this 10K will take me. I'm running in the ISC Corporate Challenge again this year for my employer, opting for the 10K run over a 5K run and walk. The ISC Corporate Challenge has also changed venues, one that I've had the lovely pleasure of running twice before, once during my half marathon. (Hint, hint!)

The goals I have for the challenge are simple: enjoy the scenery (duh!), and beat my previous 10K time of 1:11:57 (or 11:18/mile). Easy, right? Meh - we'll see. Both were during cooler "weathered" events, and it might be a bit interesting. What else may be interesting? I'm not sure if the run is before or after (if I'm chosen for the team - still pending) I pit an Indy Car.

We'll leave the ISC Corporate Challenge at that... For now... ;)

In additition to the ISC Corporate Challenge, I hope to continue my City By Shoes series, this time in Asheville, NC! The hubby and I (my better half, Mr. K!) are planning to travel some time soon to the mountains for our (holy schmoly where did time go?!) 5 year anniversary, and we're both looking for a needed-getaway. Of course I'm planning to pack my running shoes, as the resort we are staying at not only offers a health spa/fitness center that appears to be wonderful, but also a "mountainous" trail for guests. But what I'm most excited about? The city is active-friendly, and there are sidewalks abound all the way in to downtown from our resort! Yay! No road running! (For those runners who may freak reading this, I live in the sticks. Running on a country road is normal. Don't fret!)

...and to help boost my mood (trust me, it has been much-needed), I decided to sign up for the 100 days of Happy Challenge, and you should too! So far, I've made it to Day 2, but what's eerie (or just another message from God?) is that my 100 days ends....on Christmas. How cool is that? You can follow my #100DaysofHappy challenge on my Instagram page: instagram.com/AshleyK199.

If you join in, post your information in the comment section below! I'd love to follow your 100 Days of Happy too! :)

OneAmerica 500 Festival Indianapolis Mini Marathon Race Recap

There's so much I want to say about this past Saturday's half marathon, my first, but I'm not sure where to start or even really how to put everything in words.

I'm not sore, nor was I at really any point after the race aside from what felt like a shin splint in my right leg and the tendon I tweaked a few weeks ago just letting me know it was still there. But nothing hurt. That's it. That's the only soreness I had from 13.1 miles of sheer enjoyment.

The race was amazing, much more than I ever expected. ...but first, let me back up, as I've got two days of Indy-goodness to talk about!

I decided to take the entire day off from work on Friday so that I could rest, get a last minute chiropractic adjustment, clean the house, prep myself for what's about to happen, calm my nerves (or so I thought), and just "chill." Mr. K came home from work, and off to Indy we went!

We decided to go straight downtown to the Indiana Convention Center instead of checking in to the hotel first, to check out the expo and pick up my race packet. What I didn't expect were the nerves and the flood of apprehension that poured over me as we drove in and parked. It was as if it were a bit of panic. (Other runners, is this normal for your first big race?)

After I picked up my packet, we decided to head to the hotel, grab some dinner, come back and just chill. As I unpacked my race clothes to pin my number on my shirt ahead of time, the flood of panic hit me. I forgot to pack a sports bra. (Insert: Facepalm.)

I knew I laid it out with my outfit. I had everything laid out a few days ahead of time just so I didn't wear what I wanted to wear on Saturday during my last training run Thursday. I seriously thought it was the end of the world, and poor Mr. K heard it all... Luckily, in deciding to stay outside of downtown, Target was just down the road! So after we were back from dinner, after I already threw on PJs to chill for the rest of the evening, we made a mad dash down the road, again, so I can buy a last minute, ahem, necessity.

Getting up Saturday morning, I was nervous. I didn't sleep well the night before, even if everything I've read suggests a runner should do otherwise. I was too anxious, too excited, and too giddy, but also apprehensive approaching race day.

We grabbed breakfast at the hotel, loaded up, and headed downtown. We arrived early, right before the start of the first wave at 7:45, and just kind of hung out until my wave at 8:45. It was brisk, and I made sure to keep a light jacket over a long sleeve shirt, over my tee shirt, with shedding each layer to get accustomed the closer to the start.

At this point, I want to thank Mr. K for all that he did for me Saturday. He's a trooper. He stood in the cold with me, held all of my crap, waited on me for over 2 1/2 hours after I started running (that doesn't include before or after the actual race), and dealt with a long line of other spectators wanting to get breakfast at Panera after ducking away from Steak N Shake as the line was down the block. Poor guy. And just for the record, he doesn't do cities very much either folks, all while trying to understand why I'm crazy enough to run 13.1 miles with 33,000+ other runners. I truly have a fabulous and amazing husband.

...shortly before the fun began, I met these two guys, as they started the race basically beside me as our wave took off. One was named Kyle, unfortunately I didn't grab the gentleman's name to the right of this picture, but they are two soldiers who completed 13.1 miles of craziness with their military boots on their feet and their gear packs weighed down, as they were prepping for a training exercise here in a few weeks. All I could do was thank them, in addition to explaining to them how much of rockstars they truly are. I'm still in awe of them, and if I ever get the chance to, I will buy them a beer for both their service to their country (and the reason I can run free), while also for their accomplishment at the Mini. It was truly incredible. (Thanks for the inspiration guys!)

As we started the race heading west of downtown, I'm not going sugarcoat it, but we ran through some questionable neighborhoods that I wouldn't normally run or drive through alone. During daylight. It was really set up nice though, all along the course, as there was plenty of entertainment, plenty of action, plenty of water stops, and plenty of people-watching to keep me entertained in addition to my newly loaded playlist.

...and after mile 3, I just sort of fell into a groove. Most of the race from mile 3 on was a blur. At least until we rolled through downtown Speedway, Indiana. I knew I had to be getting close to Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the one section of the race I have looked forward to since before I began my weight loss journey, the one reason this race was firmly planted on my bucket list), since we started passing both the Dallara Indy Car Factory and the one driver (now owner) who I've looked up to, especially during my teenage years as she ran laps around IMS, Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing's new facility.

...and then off in to the distance, the turn 1 grandstand opened up, along with the famed IMS Pagoda.

I could tell I was getting giddy. I wasn't nervous, I was excited, almost spastic to be honest, as I started to speed up.

As we made the turn on to 16th Street to head towards IMS, I knew we were getting close. I know how to get to the track; I've been there a dozen times for various things, but even as the tunnel entrance came in to view, I almost couldn't stand it.

I still have chills thinking about making the 2 1/2 mile lap around the track, but even more so, from seeing the grandstand and front stretch open up as I ran out of turn 4 and on to the straightaway. Pit entrance greeted me as the Pagoda was firmly planted on my left, with the scoring pylon lit up as it is throughout the month of May.

As I approached the yard of bricks (hence the nickname "Brickyard"), I made my way to the left, where most were kneeling down to stop, kiss the bricks, take a photo opp if they so chose, then continued on. I did just that (without the photo opp). It was the dirtiest, but one of the best kisses a motorsports fan could ask for. ...and the whole time, the only thing I could think of was, "if these walls could talk."

As soon as I crossed the bricks, I had 5.1 miles to go. (Side note: I love how the start/finish line at IMS is one of the mile markers. Kind of nerdy, but kind of neat!)

The last 3-4 miles were pretty uneventful as well, winding back through some more questionable neighborhoods I ran through on my way out to IMS, but as I approached downtown, I knew I had to be getting close. I could see the skyline I love so much getting closer with every step I took.

That last mile, though... Oof. I could definitely tell I started to run out of steam even though I didn't slow down and kept a good pace the entire way.

But as I approached the finish line, everything from the start of my weight loss journey, until my goal of running the Mini Marathon came full circle.

You see, one of the main reason I began my weight loss was because of my Opa. (You can read about that more in my very first blog post here.) He's also the one main reason I'm such a big motorsports fan, a fan across many spectrum and disciplines of the sport. Each year, for as long as I can remember, I've found myself at his place on Memorial Weekend, and even though we're "blacked out" living in Indiana, and not able to watch the Indianapolis 500 live, we take it old school. We listed to the race live via FM radio, crowded around the kitchen table, jumping when a wreck happens, cheering when our favorite driver or "driver of choice" wins such a prestigious race. It's something I'll certainly remember for the rest of my life.

...and as I approached the finish line of the Mini Marathon, I heard the same broadcast I heard sitting around my Opa's kitchen table years back, listening to Michael Andretti battling it out for 1 and 2 in the closing laps of the Indianapolis 500. It's all I heard over my earbuds. I crossed the finish line thinking of my Opa, not the race I just ran, with chills going down my spine.

Everything over the past four years came full circle. 

As soon as I paused the run, grabbed my medal, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed to the Runners' Services exit, I found Mr. K peeking out from behind a few other folks waiting for friends to arrive.

I grabbed him, hugged him, and cried.

Everything just came pouring out.

After gathering myself, I checked my phone. I had sooooooo many notifications, so many text messages (and a missed call from my momma) from friends who had been tracking me via website every time I hit a split. That was another really cool moment. Friends had posted to my Facebook wall cheering me on, encouraging me as I crossed the 5K split, and telling me to keep going after crossing the bricks. I am truly blessed to have each and every person in my life, and the outpouring of support and encouragement from Saturday is truly amazing and humbling.

To each and every one of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(I do want to apologize to friends for not getting back to you while I was running. As a general rule, I ignore my phone when I'm out on runs and Saturday was no different, tuning out the world to de-stress, and usually just pay attention to two things: cars and calls.)

I called Dave, a local radio DJ, runner, and a very, very helpful seasoned veteran of the Indy Mini, and now someone I look up to for running-motiviation and inspiration, to meet up with him, as he wanted to get a picture with me post-race and check on how it went. Aside from totally forgetting to take a picture with him (we both blame it on the lack of sugar in our bodies), I had the opportunity to congratulate him for making the 500 Club. That is an awesome accomplishment, and I'm so proud of you Dave! I told you that you would rock it!

All in all, it was an awesome weekend, and aside from a touch of stomach flu hitting me about two hours after the race was over going in to recovery mode (and the fact I told Mr. K never again twenty-two times), I had an absolute blast!

Would I do it again? Yes! While I'm not sure I'll train again for a half marathon during a semester, I do want to do it again. Just not for a while. You know how a couple puts almost all of their time and energy in to a wedding to only crash and burn shortly after, because the wedding and not the actual marriage was all they thought about? That's kind of how I feel... I'm kind of at the "what now?" point.

I do plan to continue running, I'm certainly not stopping, but I think, at least for the rest of this year, I'll continue to run 5K's, as I have a bit of fun with them! I want to improve my minute per mile time, but I'm not focusing on just that. I also want to get back to lifting weights, improving my tone, and building muscle to become stronger.

...and I also want to continue the "City by Shoes" trends. You can look for that some time after Memorial Weekend. Let's just say, this will be one of the very first years I won't be in Indiana for the Indianapolis 500... :)

I'm Always Up For A Challenge

The holidays can be hard for someone like me; someone who watches their diet constantly, or tracks what they can. I have to. Because if I don't, the feast is on. I'm not saying I don't vary or "cheat" sometimes (though lately it's been all the time...), and I've been a bit of an anxious mess the past few days due to the amount of food I may or may not consume tomorrow. I'm going to try to track, but two meals at two different family get-togethers? Who am I kidding?!

I still haven't been brave enough to try to work out, adding in some form of daily activity, for fear of royally screwing up my knee pre-surgery (for seven weeks). But what I can control is my diet, and lately, that's not been too pretty. I'm trying to focus more on clean(er) eating, less sugar, the whole nine yards, but it's been difficult.

Timing is everything, and with December around the corner, I had thrown the idea around of attempting #NoChocolatesDecember again, however I couldn't tear into that KitKat bar fast enough on January 1, 2013. And I like chocolate. A lot. (...and I wouldn't suggest No Chocolates December again during the Christmas season if my life depended on it.) :)

When I say timing is everything, I pulled up Instagram a few afternoons ago, and noticed Brooke over at brookenotonadiet.com is gearing up for another round of #SkinnySnoman starting December 1. I didn't do it last year, but looking over how points are awarded, I need this right now!

PERFECT TIMING, Brooke!

You can check everything out over at her website, selecting the Skinny Snowman Challenge tab at the top of the page.

Apparently there is a grand prize too? I'll behave if I'm trying to win something. I'm highly competitive ;)

So what is the Skinny Snowman Challenge you ask?

Focusing on losing or maintaining weight, the challenge awards points for choosing a healthier lifestyle, including but not limited to things like drinking 64 oz. of water daily, eating three servings of fruits and three servings of vegetables daily, Meatless Monday (which I'm super excited to try), tracking what you consume, and adding in 30 minutes of exercise or activity daily. But what appears to be my early favorite, having nothing to do with food but everything to do with motivation, you can earn points for writing down five positives about your day. NO NEGATIVES. (Which I desperately need.)

For each item you complete daily, you earn points, and at the end, whoever has the most over a month-ish's time, wins a grand prize! Each week has a max of 450 points, with a max of 50 points over the month's time (so you don't kill yourself or exercise to death).

I love everything about this challenge, and like I said, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Items earning points are something I mostly do on a daily basis anyway, however I want to be able to add exercise in again. I'm a little nervous I'll be behind the game with it, as I'm having the ever-fun knee surgery next week. It will come with time though.

I will try to update at the end of each week my points results, how well I did, what I want to work on, etc.

In the meantime, if you're interest, go sign up! It's super easy, and what have you got to lose? (Except for maybe a few pounds?)