Can't I Just Stay Healthy? Pretty Please?!

The Universe's answer?

No.

I've never been so aggravated and upset this week, and this honestly tops the irritation I had knee surgery. Why? Because I'm 6 weeks out to the Mini Marathon, SIX, and I have my hotel reserved, goops bought, new shoes, outfit planned, etc.

I've been pretty much bawling my eyes out all week.

So what happened?

I decided to push my scheduled runs off by a day, since Monday night I didn't get home until 9:30. I didn't exactly want to be on the treadmill running 5 miles until 11:30 at night so I decided to go to bed, push it off until Tuesday, and use the gym at the university I attend. I did just that.

While running my scheduled 5 miles on Tuesday night, something in my right foot (totally different leg than the knee I had operated on) started to hurt. My first reaction was, "Ok. Just see if it's a muscle spasm. Run it out. Push through"

Ha! Yeah... Right...

At mile 4 I couldn't take it anymore. I had a pain in the top of my foot, a little off center, that started to throw my running gait off. The only thing different I had done was bump up the speed a bit, however it was only by .1 or .2 of MPH to where I was at 5.5. I was able to maintain it for 4 miles, so why at 4 did my foot start to hurt?

I've done the usual - RICE (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate), while also downing Ibuprofen and using Rexall like it's going out of style. I'm trying to keep it loose, by rotating my ankle, flexing it every so often, etc. But I've narrowed it down... I think... (Because I have MD after my name; didn't you know that?!)

It's either one of two things:

1. Stress Fracture
2. Tendon/strain/muscle ache

I really, really, really, really, really it's the second option, as the only way to heal a stress fracture is to stop and let it heal.

With 6 (SIX) weeks left until the Mini Marathon...

You have got to be f*cking kidding me.

My thought process is this - that if it were a stress fracture, I wouldn't be able to walk. At times it hurts, at times it aches, at times it doesn't. That leads me to believe it's more of a muscle strain or tendon issue.

I'll be seeing a doc tomorrow to see what I should probably do, but honestly, I'll take a Cortisone shot for one in the foot, please! Just let me get through May 3 healthy, unhurt, with a medal around my neck. That's all I ask for. Normal programming resumes after... Or at least, healing and recovery.

In addition though, I wasn't mentally prepared for my 5 mile run that night - I just wanted to get it over with. I've been noticing, with longer runs, I haven't been as excited as I used to when I was just running 9 miles per week on average. I was happy, running a 5k here or there for the fun of it; now I'm afraid I might be getting a little burnt out with running. It's more of a chore than a stress-reliever, if that makes sense?

I have such a stubborn and determined drive, that I will not let this cause me to fail - I'm stronger than that, but this bump in the road has really knocked me on my ass. It's a blow to my gut, steel ovaries, and ego as I honestly sometimes forget I'm not Super Woman. I just want to get through this half marathon, complete my dream, and move on.

But with six weeks out to the Mini, I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever achieve this...

I honestly feel like I'm failing.

Shamrock 5K/10K Recap

See that title up there? Ya know the part about 5K/10K? Well, I ran it/survived it/didn't die on stairs. (More on that later....)

And I ran my first 10K ever, my first race of 2014, and finished 2nd in the Females 20-29 age group!

(Now before you start thinking I'm an elite-runner, medaling and stuff, just know there were two in my age group. But still, I placed. In something. Ha! And received a fancy water bottle ta-boot!)

Today was fun! After an up and down week of emotions, it was great to not only great to get outside, set a new (and fastest) pace post-knee surgery, and finally get back into race-mode. Part of the run used a trail that skirts the river through the gorge that divides the city of Richmond. It was wonderful to be outdoors running the 6.2 miles set out in front of me, and to breathe fresh air. My, it was wonderful.

(And thank God the turn in to the gorge fell at mile 5. I needed a change of scenery, and the trail was perfect-ish. There were hills. And stairs. It was iffy. And ugly. Still more on that...)

The race started out as a combination of both 5K and 10K runners/walkers, starting at the local high school's football field, snaking out down the southside of town on to one of the main country roads. We ran, for what seemed like forever, down to mile 3/turn around point (in to the wind). I will say I didn't see my first water station until mile 3, which was a bit of a downer, and had only two during the entire 6.2 mile course. It wasn't the greatest, and I believe I'm feeling the effects a bit of slight dehydration due to it. (Or my own unpreparedness. I didn't have a belt or water with me: just gloves, my iPhone, and a pack of Honey Stinger Energy Chews to down at mile 4 - my bad.)

As we turned back to head towards Richmond, we ran forever, again, on the country road, however the wind finally to my back. Heading out was rough (though the wind wasn't as bad or as cold as previous runs this year), but coming back was wonderful. As we headed in to town, we split off to the right on to Test Road, and then down a valley away from Abington Pike, where we just came from.

My first thought, as I'm sprinting down this massive hill was, "Um, hey Ash. Ya know we're going to have to get back up some how, right? What goes down, must come up."

At first I thought, "you've got to be kidding me, that at mile 4+, you're going to make me run up this monster hill ahead of me?" But nope! Thankfully, at mile 5, the route took you to the left and in to the gorge along the paved trail.

(Side note: I now officially know why you shouldn't run in the gorge alone if you're female. I was in a pack of other female runners, 3 or 4 total, and one male runner, as we approached a total creeper just hanging out. Alone. EEEEK. I won't be running without Mr. K there any time soon...)

As we approached 5.5 miles, things started to turn up hill. And this is where the, "You've got to be kidding me," cursing that makes a hockey player blush started. I knew it couldn't be that much further, but this is where I figured out how we're getting out of the gorge and back to the finish line on the high school's track...

Up.

After one hellish hill I NEVER thought I'd survive, there were stairs.

Stairs. STAIRS.

Who in their psychotic offroad-running mind puts a set of stairs at the end of a 10K?

I wanted to die.

After putting some distance between another female runner who I kept trading leads with, and a couple that was hot on my heels, I kicked in to high gear. For the first flight. The second? Ha! Nope.

But I made it up both, ran across the parking lot, across the street, down the sidewalk, rounded the gate to the left, and BAM! Finish line!

My official gun time was 1 hour, 12 minutes, 13 seconds, breaking down to 11:36/mile - improving significantly while in a race setting from last Saturday's 12:05/mile/5 miler.

I'll take it!

After an emotionally-wrecking week, it was nice to be able to get back to a bit of normalcy, while knowing my mother in law was smiling down on me today. I said a few prayers while out running, mostly to get me through and to remind myself never to give up, but it was much-needed fun, and another great race to get me ready for the Mini in May.

Here are some more pictures from the day, from Mr. K or Speedy-Feet.com:

(Sorry for the last few grainy/blurry/crappy photos. But still, proof I survived! And didn't die! Who woulda thunk it?)

I'm Only Human

I've fallen off the wagon.

Actually? It hit a bump, threw me off, backed up, and ran over me.

What can I say? I've ate like total sh*t lately. I've tried to clean it up, but I feel miserable. And guilty.

I really have tried, with good intention, but ya know that little thing I always mention about my stress eating? Times it by a zillion in the past few weeks.

I feel horrible. I feel disgusting. I'm stressed, emotional, and a total wreck, and I've ate like it too.

Not only have I used the excuse that "I'll be running tomorrow/tonight/next week/God knows when so have at it sister," today we laid my mother in law to rest after an incredibly stressful three weeks; three weeks I hope to never repeat again in my life.

So how bad has my eating got? Try six cookies for dinner Sunday night to the point I had a bellyache and couldn't sleep. What did I eat tonight, when all intents were to make a huge/yummy/leftover-veggie salad? A slice of banana bread and a split blueberry muffin with loads of honey butter.

I keep saying, "tomorrow is a new day," but for some reason, I don't believe myself. I've cheated myself, not only with food and calories, but I've made myself feel this way; the guilt, shame, and embarrassment because I've "let myself go." (Granted, I know it's only been three weeks, but come on. It's a slippery slope, folks.)

Yes, I've gained weight. Has it been much? No. Just 1.6 pounds, but I feel miserable. I can just tell the difference.

So my goal for this next week? Clean it up.

I'm not saying no more sweets, just sweets in moderation (not inhaling at the site of goodies). I'm a firm believe that moderation is okay; you absolutely cannot deprive yourself because it just makes it worse. I want to be able to have one or two sweet treats a week, but limit myself, as I know I feel much, much better when I'm eating better (in addition to running and working out).

I feel better about myself when I feel healthy. Since feeling better about myself was my resolution for 2014, I want to focus on it again. Get away from the crap, if you will.

In addition to all of the craziness Mr. K and I've faced in the past few weeks, one positive note is that I've kept with my half marathon training, as it's been a way for me to let go and de-stress. I've kept on schedule, and things are starting to take shape. I'm actually doing it! Ha! Who knew?!

I have officially ordered my second pair of running shoes, going with Brooks Ghost 6 again (which I love!), after finding out I should have replaced them a loooooong time ago. No wonder I've had calf soreness? #facepalm

While testing out new shoes (I also love the Newton Gravity's!) by running up and down the sidewalk like a madwoman running through town, I also picked up some nutrition to start giving it a shot. I'm at the point to where my long runs are now six miles or more lasting longer than an hour, and after running and bonking during 5 miles last week, it's time to start testing out what I like, what makes me sick, and what just won't work. This is a whoooooooole new adventure, folks.

Here's what I went with to test out first:

The gels are freaking me out a little, as I'm not crazy about the texture anyway, but I also picked up chews and sport beans to give them a shot. It's all about experimenting, seeing what works, what fuels me longer, and what just won't do.

In addition, this week's scheduled long run Saturday is 6 miles. At first, (because I'm a total dork and can't count on one hand to save my life), I had thought I was supposed to run a scheduled 10K or 7 miles this week. Well, that's next week. But conveniently, a local high school is hosting a 5k run/walk and 10k run, benefiting one of their student clubs. Why not, right? I do plan to take some nutrition with me, as I want to test it out at about mile 4 or 45 minutes in to running, whichever comes first. (It just won't be a gel. I don't want to get sick in front of people I know!)

I've also reached out to a few runner-friends and acquaintances from the community who I know have ran half marathons or full marathons before. I've had lots of wonderful advice shared with me, including tips about nutrition, tips about the Mini itself, tips about not eating Bengay (when thinking it's an energy gel, tips about getting clothes from clearance racks to shed/donate to charity when dressing in layers the day of the race, while also making sure I shed my earbuds shortly before entering Indianapolis Motor Speedway to hear bagpipers along the route. Knowing cheerleading squads cheering your name (listed on your bib), bands, bagpipers, and amazing volunteers will line the entire 13.1 mile route, while participating in not only one of the biggest half marathons in the nation, causes me to have instant goosebumps. You name it, it's all been passed on to me, and I am extremely grateful for the wealth of information leading up to race day! With this being my first half, I'm nervous, as expected, since it's pretty much fear of the unknown. I'm trying to do my best to prep for the race, and even though I'm nervous, I'm also very excited.

Closer to race day, I'll also have more information available, usually about the week before, regarding social media, race details, maps, etc. I plan to register both my Twitter account and Facebook information so that family, friends, and acquaintances can follow along during my race via automatic updates from my bib chip. What did we ever do before technology?! (This makes me geek out because I can't wait for you all to share in my progress too!)

In addition, I've also set my three personal goals for the race:

• Finish. (AKA: Don't die.)
• Stay off the trail bus. (Picking up anyone over the required 18 min/mile pace.)
• Kiss some bricks ;)

The 500 Festival Mini Marathon is officially just 50 days away and counting!

Friend Makin' Monday

 Happy Monday, folks! I hope your Monday went well!

With it being another Monday, I'm going to get this post out there on time! I love the movies theme that was chosen this week, however I did not watch last night's Oscars. Normally, I'm a huge movie fan, but I've been slacking in that realm...too. But, here we go!

If you’ve taken part in FMM, then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section over at Losing Weight and Having Fun so we can all see your FMM questions and answers!

1. What is your all time favorite movie?

I can't necessarily choose which is my favorite, so I'll give my Top 3, mostly of the moment, or the movies I watch most often?

 

You can't not go with Top Gun. There's something about 80's Tom Cruise. *swoon*

I'm more of a comedy girl, so I definitely have to plug "She's Out of My League." Is it going to win an Oscar? No. However, I must say, it's great for laughs. And I quote it...

Speaking of quoting movies, probably one of my most quoted movies, especially around the office (and I have the red Swingline to prove it, thank you Mr. K)...

 

 It's a good one. :)

 

2. Who is your favorite actor and actress?

 Actress is an easy pick: Jennifer Lawrence.

She's witty, smart, sarcastic, blunt, and gorgeous, all rolled into one goofy-down-to-earth girl. I absolutely adore her.

Actor: I'd either have to say Bradley Cooper, or Tom Cruise (80's Tom Cruise, of course).

3. What is the first movie you ever saw at the cinema?

I'm honestly not sure? Probably something Disney. I still love anything-Disney.

4. Did you watch The Oscars last night?

Nope. Hockey :)

5. How many of the Best Picture nominations did you watch and which did you enjoy the most?

Ugh. None. But quite a few are on  my to-watch list, such as Captain Phillips, 12 Years a Slave, and Dallas Buyers Club.

6. What did you think of Ellen hosting The Oscars?

I love Ellen regardless, but I hear she did a wonderful job, aside from not watching the awards show.

7. If you had the chance to play a part in any movie, what would it be?

Anything opposite Bradley Cooper? (Sorry Mr. K!)

8. Is there a movie you have watched that was so bad that you have either walked out of the cinema or turned it off?

I may be a motorsports fan, but I cannot, repeat cannot stand Talladega Nights.

 

I just...can't...

9. What do you think of 3D and IMAX movies? Are they worth the extra money?

Nah. I'm not too much of a fan. Now hockey or motorsports in IMAX? I'll pony up!

10. What was the last movie you saw at the cinema?

 Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

Five Things Friday

Soooooooooo, I'm stealing yet another blog post topic idea from Dacia at My Roots To Grow... (I'm sorry I keep copycatting, Dacia! You're just so awesome, and I love the topic ideas you post about!)

It's Friday, it's the weekend, and I'm putting a truly crazy week behind me.

1. This Week

It's been a crazy, up, down, emotional, all around insane week. I can't explain it, (I don't really want to personally) but just know that I am ok. Stressed, but ok. I also want to thank everyone who has reached out with support that they have while allowing me to vent, take out frustration, cry, cheer, or whatever other form of support you showed me. I can't begin to describe the awesome feeling it is to know what support system I have around Mr. K and I. I appreciate it so, so, so much.


2. Meet the Mini-K's!

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a total nerd, but Mr. K's birthday was yesterday, and my gift to him?

A Mini-Mr. K.

I may or may not have taken inspiration from one of my favorite IndyCar drivers, Pippa Mann, and Little Pippa, whom travels with "Big Pippa" throughout her travels and racing adventures. Mini Ashley and Mini Mr. K were adopted all the way from Poland, (Lego's headquarters), joining in on our crazy lives and adventures. Think 'Flat Stanley' Legos...

I love Legos. I always have, but it's seriously either funny or a concern that as an adult, I'm taking enjoyment in showing the Mini-K's around. They've already started getting into a little mischief...

I can't wait to take them with me (or specifically Mini-Ash) on my upcoming travels.

Mini-Ashley even has her own Brooks Laich jersey, rocking the red in support of the Washington Capitals.

3. Winter. Can you just cut the crap, Mother Nature?

We're officially under a three-loaf warning. I'm never a fan of winter or being cold anyway, but it's been a winter full of record breaking snowfalls, and we're expecting yet another winter storm this Sunday. Me? I won't lie, I am hoping for a "snow day" where I work Monday, however I'm not holding out hope. We're expecting anywhere from 6-10 or 8-12 inches of snow (depending on who you ask), and I'm just done with it. I'm ready to run outside, in the warm sunshine, and Mother Nature can just STAHP.


Also, I do want to wish safe travels to family coming in from California next week. I hope you like snow? ;)

Seriously though, anyone and everyone involved or in the line of fire with this weekend's winter storm, please stay safe. It's officially a Three Loaf/French Toast Warning!

4. Five Miles

I find this fitting on Five Things Friday... I run my first five miles tomorrow. I haven't actually put anything more than 4.5 together since before knee surgery in December, but I'm a little nervous. I swear I have treadmill-ADD, and I usually can't focus much past 3 miles when utilizing equipment to run inside. I honestly hate the "dreadmill," and I just can't wait to get outside to run. The wildlife, fresh air, and, traffic, gawkers, people make it much, much more interesting to me.


I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but the half-marathon plan I'm using to train for the One-America 500 Festival Mini Marathon is actually going rather well, and it's honestly not killing me. I'm stoked! (I just hope I didn't speak too soon...)

This is the plan I'm following.. It's a 16-week training plan from PopSugar, and with completing Couch to 5k at around 9 miles a week, I was able to jump in on Week 6 of 16, putting me right at 10 weeks to go for the Mini on May 3. (I'm still thinking, "What did I really sign up for?")

 

5. This:

I hope you all have a wonderful, safe, and happy weekend!

-AK

Friend Makin' Monday (FMM)....on Friday :)

...because that's how I roll?

Kidding!

It's been one of those weeks for me, and I'm just now catching up on my friends' blog posts! When I say it's been one of those weeks, it's a week I'd never wish on anyone, at any time. Period.

Since I am catching up, specifically with my lovely friend Dacia's blog, over at My Roots to Grow, I decided to have a little fun/get-to-know-me type of post. Yes, yes, I do realize it is Friday, clearly not Monday, but what the heck, right?

YOLO?

(Had to. ;) I HATE the term YOLO.)

Anywho, here are the rules! I'm a newb, but after discovering Dacia's post, I believe I'll have a little fun with this! I answer some questions that are posted over at losingweightandhavingfun.com, add my link to my blog in her comments section, and make new friends! (Is that right? Total rookie over here.)

Anywho, here we go!

1. Introduce yourself in under 10 words.

Wife. Farm girl. Hoosier. Traveler. Adventurer. Newb runner. (Ok, that's two.) Fanatic of Speed. (Ok, that's three.)

2. How did you find Friend Makin' Mondays?

From my awesome friend Dacia, over at My Roots to Grow, and figured: why the heck not? :)

3. Have you ever met any of your blog readers?

That depends... Those who have mentioned they read it? Yes! Do I have others I don't know about? Probably. (Or if you're new, welcome! Hi!)

4. How many states have you visited?

Oh boy... let's see: Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, 'bama, Georgia, Florida, Missouri (St. Louis is it...), Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Maryland, Virginia.... (This is me...struggling...) I think that's it? Mostly Midwestern stuff...

I'm hoping to branch out and travel some more this summer, specifically with the racing circuit. (Ya know, that fanatic of speed thing?) 

5. What did you have for lunch yesterday?

• (Homemade) almond butter sandwich

• Sweet mini peppers

• Sugar snap peas

• Light Greek yogurt - Key Lime

• Apple

Proof, with my Mini's checking in:

6. How many different places have you lived in?

Three. Colorado (when I was little). Indiana time's two. (Raised a Boilermaker, now a Hoosier. That makes Mr. K happy. Sigh.)

7. What’s your favorite color?

Depends on my mood... I love anything aqua/turquoise/teal, kind of a bright red fan (I love the Washington Capitals after all), like purple, some greens, but I am NOT a fan of too much pink. It's too girlie for my taste.

8. Do you have any pets?

My husband (Mr. K) and I have Kelly, our four-legged-Rottweiler-child. She may be big and she may have a mean bark, but don't let her fool you. She's a big, spoiled, baby.

9. What would your ideal job be?

I'm actually working towards said "dream/ideal job", while landing a pretty awesome internship opportunity this summer that works with my full-time job. I want to work in motorsports, putting my creativity to work, either in Public Relations or Marketing, whether it is for a specific team, company, or sponsor.

10. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope. But I haven't ruled out the possibility of getting one. I just haven't found the perfect one, yet!

Blogger's Note: I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Thanks for reading! 

The Peanut Gallery

I've been meaning to write this blog for sometime, addressing one thing in particular that absolutely drives me up a wall during my weight loss journey. But let me first say that I appreciate all of the support my friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances learning my "story," and anyone else who has cheered me on in hopes of becoming a "better" me. It's still extremely humbling to know I have such an amazing support network behind me, and to this day, it still feels so undeserving. I can't begin to thank each and every one of you for all of the support, cheers, and positive thoughts you've given me, but I can say this: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. :)

Now on to the post.... (Deep breath, Ash.)

The "Peanut Gallery."

It happens weekly; the questions about my weight loss I get are almost predictable, but it has been four years.

"How much weight have you lost?"

"How are you doing it?"

"How do you stay on track?"

"You must work out constantly?"

...and then my favorites (hint: sarcasm ahead):

"I bet you don't eat any cheeseburgers, do you?"

"Oh, another salad today?"

"Are you sure you don't have an eating disorder?"

"You mean you actually ate a carb?" (Yes, someone actually has asked me that, to which I replied, "I eat them everyday." *Smile. Walk-away.*)

"When are you going to stop losing weight?"

The last one has honestly been nails on the chalkboard as of late for me, with several folks asking/commenting, or telling me I've lost "too much." Just as a close family member suggested I had an eating disorder at Thanksgiving because "I've lost too much weight and need to stop," I'm starting to hear those words again from several, and I can honestly say they cut just as deep as the comments I had when I was "fat."

I know I should be comfortable with myself enough that I shouldn't hang on to these words, however it's hard. It really is.

But I want to make this very clear: I eat. I eat a lot. And I eat to fuel my body.

No, I am not starving myself. (I couldn't. I, A) am trying to be smart about what I'm doing, as I want to be healthy, not skinny, and B) really, really love food that much.)

No, I'm not working out every waking moment of the day. I have a life, and I like to live it, even if school is taking away from "social time."

If I know that I'm going to have a large meal (or one that might test my calorie maintenance "limit" for the day), I run. I run to eat. And when I mean eat, I mean eat. I can still put food away, and I'm not ashamed of it.


...but I can tell you what is happening: I'm losing inches, as my goal now is to maintain, but tone. I have quite a bit of loose skin, stretch marks, cellulite, or any other fun things that comes with losing 110+ pounds. It's not pleasant, I don't like it, but I'm working to improve myself so that I am happy with how I look, and who I am as a whole. I have not lost any weight on the scale number-wise, and honestly, I'm shifting my focus away from it. I will not let food or the scale rule me, as I want to be able to share the ever-amazing Mississippi Mud Pie I did yesterday with a close friend/former coworker and not feel bad about it. (It was delish, by the way. I don't feel bad about it, either.)

...and I really don't want you, the reader, to take this post the wrong way. Please, don't. I'm not trying to come across as selfish, but the words about being "too skinny" cut just as deep as when they were about being "fat."

Bottom line: I am not starving myself for "image." I promise you.

So I will leave you with this:

Be happy. Be healthy. But most importantly, be you. (And be happy with "you!")